I Asked 6 Dating Experts Why I’m Still Single

I’ve always been intrigued by the idea of dating coaches. I’m actually friends with a few of them (it’s a small dating and love world, y’all) – and I love learning how they coach people to find love. Since I consider myself to be a pretty active, able and positive single gal, I never thought I needed the professional services of someone to teach me how to date…but I was curious about their expert advice on playing (and eventually getting off) the field.

So I decided to turn the tables and have a few love & relationship coaches interview ME instead of the other way around. These folks asked really tough questions about who I am, what I want and what type of guys I date and gave me tough love advice that maybe – just maybe – will land me a boyfriend.

Here’s what six dating coaches think I’m doing wrong in love:

1. I’m being too aggressive.

According to Robin Gorman Newman, founder of LoveCoach.com and author of How to Meet a Mensch in New York and How to Marry a Mensch, I need to be a little softer with guys and let them come to me. In fact, almost every expert told me that I should give guys more of a chance to pursue me instead of the other way around. “The guy should always be the one to take the lead,” Newman said. “I wouldn’t advise for you to initiate because it makes the relationship too familiar too fast.” Newman also mentioned that it’s fine for ladies to go up to guys at bars or in social events, but to never take their number or text them first.

My reaction: I really, really hate dating rules , which is why I don’t have a problem reaching out post-date if I feel good about it. That being said, every single time I’ve made the first move, I’ve never ended up dating the dude. Maybe it’s time to hold the iPhone trigger?

2. My career is a huge turn-off.

Look, I know writing about love and my dating life on my blog isn’t exactly a welcome fact to reveal to guys on dates.

This post was originally published on YourTango.com. To read the rest, click here

4 thoughts on “I Asked 6 Dating Experts Why I’m Still Single

  1. Not being in a relationship for more than a year kinda sucks. I have been single a year already and i know just how much you might find yourself worrying about it and especially if you are in your mid twenties and seeing people around you in solid relationships and settled already. But everyone has their own time. I like the advice you got. Been reading your posts for a while. It’s not my place to advice but all i can say is that when you are a writer/blogger, writing about what goes on around you is usually very easy. At times you have an internal fight on what to include in your posts and what not to include. I’m also really open about my dating life on my blog though i don’t only post about that. I do other topics too. But there are those things i’m not and will never be comfortable posting about myself so i never do it. But then, i might post something that might make people think i’m perhaps giving TMI. People are different and many times those who do not put their thoughts in writing may not understand why we do it. One other thing i have come to realize is that if you really yearn for a meaningful relationship with a man, avoid writing about him in your posts. Most men are not comfortable with it. Most men don’t know how to express their emotions and thoughts. Most men are private. Most men feel as if they are being dissected publicly when you talk about them even under a pseudonym. And it could be the reason why they fear that a woman who blogs a lot on her love life cannot be trusted not to kiss and tell. There comes a time in a man’s life when kissing and telling isn’t that appealing as it was in his teens to early twenties. Of course there are those men who will love you for who you are and what you do but then you two have to have a conversation on whether he is indeed comfortable with you mentioning him on your blog once in a while or not. If he is not, respect his decision and keep doing what you do but without including him in the picture. Wish you all the best in your dating life. :) :) :)

    • I completely agree with you! :) I have a few rules about how/when I write about someone I’m seeing. But if I’m serious about someone, I’ll never put him in the blog until we after we talk about it. In the four years I’ve been writing about it, there have only been 2-3 who have cared and didn’t want to see me again. I’ll take those odds! :)

  2. Linds:

    Here is an idea. Go early to a bar, and one by one talk to anyone willing about their dating life. Men and women. This way, you introduce yourself to many people with empathy, not seduction, on your mind. Get people relaxed and talking about this dating thing that SO MANY are having trouble with.

    No one talks first, then gets interested later. As you get to know someone over time, and there is time for the interesting stories to come out.

    Or make it a Meetup group. People can share their worst dating stories, and get laughter and support.
    And a few may meet potential partners. Have more innocuous fun.

    The most important things about people are that they are people. What really interests them. What is someone passionate about. What do they love to do, NOT related to dating ?

    Take your list of important things about people, and reduce it. What matters most ? That they want to travel to 100 countries ? Or can be funny about ANYTHING ? find out.

    To find love, maybe you need to find out what people love. Not in the pressure of a “say the right thing” date.

  3. Pingback: Can We All Agree to Stop Saying That Men Suck? |

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