A few years ago, on a complete whim, I booked a solo vacation to Puerto Rico in an effort to let go of my ex, Scott (remember him?). I wanted a mix of relaxation, sunshine, adventure, and hopefully, some light-hearted flirting to take my mind off of my heartache. I had purposefully (and yes, spitefully) booked the trip over my ex’s birthday, knowing that if I wasn’t facing a huge fee on my phone bill, I wouldn’t be able to resist reaching out to him (or giving in to birthday sex with him).
Instead, I stood in the middle of the ocean at 3 a.m. with a guy I just met, watching a meteor shower and wondering if I had died and woken up in some cheesy romantic comedy—or if I was actually losing my mind.
“Should we go back to your hotel, Lindsay?” André asked me. André was the 30-something guy who was studying to become a cardiologist and was currently whisking me off of my feet. I was introduced to him a few hours before by some new friends I’d made at the resort. They had invited me to come sit with them when they saw me sipping a mojito and reading Conde Nast Traveler on my own (a walking cliché, I know). After some small talk and way too many tequila shots, one of the girls pulled up my blog and began reading it out loud to me in Spanish. And then in English, she suddenly explained: “Oh! You’re here because you’re sad! You’re here because you lost love! You must meet André! Let’s call André now!”
This post was originally published on Women’s Health. To read the rest, click here.
In the movie “HITCH” Will Smith’s character HITCH meets with Vance Munson (played by Jeffrey Donovan) and Vance tells him that he wants Hitch to connect him with a woman (who turns out ot be “CASEY” [played by Julie Ann Emery] BFF of SARAH MILOS played by Eva Mendes and Sara is Hitch’s love interest).
Vance won’t feel better until “…He bangs her. You know? Get in, get off, and get out.”
Hitch explains that his clients actually LIKE women. (Which is a foreign concept to Vance and it puzzles him).
Hitch later defends himself to Sara and Casey by explaining that he had actually refused to work with the “pig” that had a one-night stand with Sara’s friend Casey.
What you have described as “empowering”, guys gleefully describe as “get in, get off and get out” with no commitments, no repsonsibilities and no consequences. They get the only thing they want from a woman, they do not have to actually LIKE women, and their approach and philosophy is justified.
So the question is: IS this “empowering” part of the solution or part of the problem? Is it making things worse in the long run as it justifies guys in NOT needing to LIKE women? Is it helping guys to be “pigs”?
And if so, is that a good thing?
Here’s my 2 cents on this if you want it. I recently started having “work trip” sex. It was amazing. I felt alive, I felt confident, I felt sexy, I felt in control. All of these things are hard for me to feel in New York. I was in the same frame of mind of the men that Darwin references above: “get in, get off, and get out.” That’s the whole point of it. I’m not trying to start a relationship with any of these men. I clearly want ONE thing and ONE thing only….the same thing THEY want. S.E.X. And that IS empowering. For too long women have been told they are slutty or “giving the milk away for free” by doing what most men do. So, what’s wrong with wanting to “get in, get off, and get out?”
Lastly, I loved your line “I think I might be more like myself in these moments.” I have totally been thinking this since I’ve started this whole “work trip” sex thing. Or maybe it’s more accurate that at 33 I’ve found a whole new side of myself that i didn’t know existed.
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