Dear Boy

I’m always accepting “Dear Boy” (or Dear Man or Dear Girl or Dear Me…) letters and will publish them here when I receive them. Email them to me and learn more about “Dear Boy” here.

Dear Boy,

I hesitated whether it should have said boy or man. Boy suits you well. I loved you more than you could ever dream of being loved. But you dear boy, loved yourself and the UFC more. I understand, becoming a UFC legacy fighter is your dream and I supported you every step of the way putting my dreams aside. Not only did I put my dreams aside, I put my happiness aside as well. I didn’t realize what I was doing. I was blinded by what I thought you were.

You know, not everything was miserable. You helped me grow. You motivated me to change myself in a way no one ever had. I thank you for that. I always will. As I thank you for pushing me this far to leaving you. To leaving the back and forth relationship we have had up until now. It’s hard as I see myself wind down for the day and actually notice you haven’t texted and you haven’t called to check up or in. I’m going to miss the lover and best friend you became.

But I will get over and I will move on. A person like myself, so dedicated, determined and beautiful doesn’t deserve to be just your friend with benefits. I deserve more. Not only do I know I deserve more, but I aspire more. I don’t want to conform to the life you want. It’s not me. I’m not a conformist.

Who am I kidding, I’m being way too nice! As I always have been. But it’s just the way I am. I hope you learn from this as I have learned. I hope you regret letting such a wonderful person go. I also hope your parents tell you over and over again how stupid you were to let your pride get in the way of keeping such a good girl by your side. I hope your son doesn’t become the person you are. I’m going to miss everything about the future we imagined to have together. I’ve told myself I’m not going to ever plan my life with a man until it’s actually time to plan, because of you. Because you lifted my hopes so high and have kicked me down from cloud nine like you kick in your crazy MMA fights. It hurts and it sucks. I felt like I couldn’t breathe and I felt so stupid because I didn’t see this coming. But I’ve decided that the time has come to move on and continue to live my dreams and plans I had before you came along.

I’m sorry you won’t be able to tell the world your girlfriend is a doctor. I’m sorry you won’t travel with me. It really does suck to be you right now. You may not realize it, but I do. It makes me smile. Have an amazing life and I hope all of your dreams come true. When you get injured, just hope you don’t end up in my clinic.

With love for now and strong dislike later, Not your typical and usual “psycho” ex-girlfriend

Dear Boy, 

I want you to know that I am prioritizing this letter over my law books – just for tonight – because I want to put it out there the thoughts running through my head these past few days.

Dear Boy,

You’re like a character from my favorite classic novel, from your attitude to your name.   You’re passionate, a little unrealistic, and so romantic.  It drives me crazy because I am nothing short of unavailable.  It wasn’t until you stumbled in that I realized that life may be so much more than what I had settled into.  I was 22 and thought I had it all figured out.

I don’t.

We connect on so many levels.  It drives me crazy.  You just seem to get me and see me for more than what I put off.  I am reserved until I get to know people, but with you…it just felt natural.  I want to be me.  I want to sing and dance and sometimes wear things that don’t fit my personality.  I want to run around the city with you until the wee hours of the morning being stupid, a little drunk, and just enjoying each other.  I want to run around in the rain, grabbing tree branches to soak each other to the bone and just laugh until we fall over.  It keeps happening, but then it always ends.

I wish it wouldn’t.

You love the same things I do.  God, have I mentioned that it drives me crazy?  It makes me mad, and happy all at the same time.  I’m mad because the only thing holding me back is me.  I am happy because well, I just always feel happy when you’re there.  I can’t even put into words how impressive you are to me; how fascinating you are.  You are so carefree.

In a way, I envy you.

You have a guitar and a voice that makes me melt.  Remember that night that you played for me and showed me your song journal?  I wrote in it.  I wanted to somehow leave my mark and a semblance of inspiration in you.  Underneath it, I put a heart and my name, hoping you would never forget that I love what you do.  I am scared that you are another boy with a guitar that will end up being a player; a mistake; a regret.

But then I think, maybe not.

I’m stuck.  I’m happy, I think, but I am stuck.  Am I happy?  You’ve rocked my boat and now I’m desperately trying to balance without falling.  I thought I had found my forever.  I thought I knew what I wanted: you’ve made me question it all.  If there is one thing I can say you have done for me, it was finally that night.  It wasn’t much…but it was enough to shake me up.  It was enough to open my mind and my heart and realize that I am too young to know what I want.  But I know what I want right now.

Is that wrong?

Dear boy: I think I am falling.  I don’t want to be Estella.  I have a heart.  I am warm and passionate.

I just don’t know.  It’s a constant battle now.

Thank you.

Love, someone who thinks you could be her all-or-nothing

Dear Boy who was never mine to begin with

I fell in love with you, and I wasn’t supposed to because you were never mine to begin with. You had a girlfriend, and you told me about it, but you made it seem like there was a chance for me to be yours still. You made me believe you were unhappy, and I sought to make you happy. So I did everything I could, just to make you happy, hoping that you would leave her and be with me.

Yes, you made me happy too. For a brief while I forgot all about my problems, and when you’d hold me or look at me that way you look at me, I knew I’d be fine.

You should have picked me, because I get you, and we like the same music, and we get each other’s jokes, and you appreciate my sarcasm, and we fit perfectly together, and I could love you infinitely.

I knew deep down you probably wouldn’t, but I held out hope. Hope that maybe you’d realise I could make you happy.

You went and got engaged, and I sobbed and sat in the darkness alone for days, and you said you weren’t really engaged but you were.

I stayed, foolishly thinking that this would make me happy.

Now your fiance found out, and I feel like hell. I am not this girl, this girl that hurts someone else. I have seen my mum be hurt and I vowed in my twenty something years of existence that I would never do that to someone else.

So Dear Boy who should never have put me in this situation, I’m done. I don’t know how else to tell you but through my words. Maybe you’ll read this, maybe you won’t.

Either way, I’m telling everyone who reads this…I’m done. I love you, but you won’t choose me. So I won’t do this to her, or to me anymore. And this breaks my heart, but people all over the world survive heartbreak everyday.

Maybe one day I’ll be able to look back and remember sweet things and smile…but for now, I need to find myself. Those parts of me I gave up for you, those compromises I made to my beliefs for you…they end here. I need to move on, and you need to let me.

You need to fix your broken relationship, and I need to fix my broken heart, so I guess we’ll both be pretty busy. And hopefully, one day when I’m all mended, I will look back at this experience with a smile and say to myself that I learned something new.

For now though, I will brave the unwarranted tears in the hope of being a better person. – Anonymous

Dear Girl that froze the world.

We meet, in the most random turn of events, in the medical tent of one marine base. We were the best of friends for many years until one night. One night, one second, one act was all it took to stop the world circling around me. How was I to know a visit that started out like any other (laughing, drinking, visiting the sites, and spending time with your family) would turn out the way it did. After a night of visiting with friends we finally returned to your home. Before going to your room we hugged goodnight. An embrace I will remember the rest of my life. As we said our goodnights, you placed a gentle kiss on my neck. A simple brush of the lips sent lightning through my veins. You said goodnight and left me standing in the hallway gasping for air and weak at the knees. No one had ever caused that reaction in me before, and yet I said nothing. I thought about it for a while. And I said nothing. We continued to be very close friends. And I said nothing. I knew telling you how I felt would change our relationship forever, and feared it would not be for the better. The fear got the better of me and as I watched you marry another my hear shattered. While picking up the pieces I saw how happy you were in your marriage, and after some time I found a part of myself I never knew existed. The feeling of being broken began to fade, and I was starting to be happy for you. Now, several years later, having held your first child (and having been named Godfather) I must thank you. I had never experienced, truly experienced, the feeling of putting the needs, wants, and happiness of someone else before my own. I know I am a better person because of it. Because of you. Thank you for showing me what true love is.  -Your Friend

Dear Boy Who I thought I was in Love With.

You’re a jerk. But then again, I’m sure you already know that. I hate that I’ve spent so much of time on you and I hate that I still spend more time thinking and talking about you than you deserve. You have a filthy habit of flirting with a girl and then pretending like nothing happened. You did it with me. And when it was obvious that I didn’t care- you moved on to my best friend. You were right though when you told me she wasn’t a good friend. She certainly wasn’t a good friend if she chose YOU over me despite knowing what an ass you were.

What made me hate you more was that every single time you flirted with me, you were involved with another girl. And it pissed me off to no end when your new girlfriend had both my name and my surname- was it so hard for you to find someone else?

I entertained the idea that you still had feelings for me until it became obvious that your jackass ways were set in you. You screwed over every girl that ever got involved with you. I know this because I wasted 6 months of my life facebook-stalking you. Pathetic? Yes. But it showed me the real you and I’m glad for that.

Now though I can’t seem to forget you and the memories we shared, I have absolutely no idea what you look like. That, for me, is revenge enough. And when I see your other victims still chasing after you, I’m glad I still have my freedom from you. You’re still a jerk and that annoys me. But you’re a jerk who I have nothing to do with anymore. – Shanice

Dear Boy who I swore I would wait forever for.

You just weren’t worth it. And thanks to the previous Jerk- I saw this when you asked my best friend out…and she agreed. I don’t understand why you chose to give me death glares when you saw me afterwards. I did nothing to you or your relationship. You were the one that hurt me, not the other way around. I’m just glad I was too hung up on the last jerk to bother about you. – Shanice

Dear Boy Who I Liked at Twelve.

You were the first player I ever met. And it thanks to you that I’m the person I am today. You showed me what jerks really look like- if it wasn’t for you I would have made even more mistakes in my already chaotic enough love-life. – Shanice

Dear Boy Who Gave Me My First Valentine…I’m sorry.

I wish I was nicer, I wish you were less nicer. I couldn’t stand that you knew about my liaison with Jerk. Even worse was the moments you kept subtly bringing him up. That and the small things about you that kept reminding me of him drove me mad. I’m sorry I changed and become so much crueler. I wish I could have handled things better but I’ve never been good where my horrid past with Jerk was concerned. Thank you for the moments we shared. I may not have the courage to admit it but it meant- and still means- a lot to me. – Shanice

Dear Boy Best Friend.

I saved you for last coz you’re the most important. I hate that you changed once your feelings for me became known. I hate that you took my frenemy to prom when I was the one you originally planned to go with. I hate how you got a girlfriend after telling me about your feelings for me…and I had to find out from my frenemy about your girl. I hate that you missed my birthday when you’re the person I waited the entire day for.

But you taught me to laugh and smile when I thought I would never be happy again. You were there for me in what I thought was the darkest moments in my life. You stood by when I made the stupidest decisions and though you did judge me- and that’s what we as best friends do- you still was there to pick up the pieces.

If I were to be honest with myself, I love you. I always knew I did. I’m not sure if its the way you wanted me to but I know you mean a lot to me. I’m sorry it might not be enough for you but I refuse to ruin our friendship by trying for ‘more’.- Shanice

Dear Boy who booked a flight to NYC. 

Meeting you at 17 on spring break was unforgettable. Seeing you again almost 10 years later I wish I could forget. You flew in and disrupted my weekend and while I said it was okay and partly invited you I thought you had other friends in the area. I must be a completely different person than I was at 17 or you got into way too many drugs in college because I don’t remember the pain of being in your presence. I’m pretty sure I never thought rough housing by holding my wrists or tripping me up the subway stairs or starting fights in bars were fun. I also don’t remember you being so fucking annoying! Your conversations were lackluster and literally sucked the life out of me every time you opened your mouth. You’re inappropriate grabs and comments were never going to be okay and when I told you nothing was going to happen between us this weekend the image of your face will never leave my memory. The people that met you or saw pictures of you thought your body looked amazing. However, every time I even thought you were going to kiss me I thought I was going to vomit right there on the city streets. Three days of hell is how I’ll remember this weekend. Three days of what was I thinking and how could I be so wrong about someone. Three days of forced city and drinking activities and three days of unwanted attention. Please don’t ever book a flight to NYC again and if I see you again…. it will be too soon. –Anonymous

Dear Boy who defines the meaning of the word arrogance.

I was incredibly excited when you invited me to France to see you for a week. After months of communication after our first encounter, you filled my head with dreams of long walks around old French streets, sipping endless coffees and thoroughly convincing me that I had finally found someone who wanted to treat me like a lady, who would finally make me feel that gentlemen still existed. After spending a pretty penny on flights, I arrived at the airport full of hope. You arrived to pick me up two hours later than planned (understandable I thought, as a rugby player I knew you had training), before taking me back to your flat. Conversation flowed and my hopes remained intact! Fast forward to the next day, spent wandering around your city and sipping coffees (so far so good), before conversation quickly turned to a one sided discussion about yourself and how great you were. Things are starting to go downhill before the big finale. You inform me, mid-kiss, that you never wanted a relationship, that you purely invited me out here for fun. Well with two days to go and a student budget, you can imagine my surprise. Sadly being incredibly British and stoic, I could only nod and smile politely (whilst inside I was ready to go nuts!). Fortunately for me I had friends in Paris who I planned to go and stay with, but there was one more night to get through. Here’s where things get comical. You offer to take me out for supper, and spend the entire four course meal talking about, you guessed it, yourself. Ironically I was thankful for this as it tired me so much I knew I’d be able to spur any unwanted advances with ease. Upon leaving the restaurant, you ask if it’s OK if we check out the menu of another restaurant, you hadn’t been yet and wanted to check it out. What you didn’t realise that although I was walking three steps behind you I was still in full earshot, so I heard you perfectly clearly when you stated; ‘Got to find somewhere to take the next one’. Smooth move. After a swift exit into Paris the next day, I’m almost glad that you never contacted me to enquire as to whether I was OK and had arrived safely, and to be honest, I’m most definitely well shot of you! –Anonymous

Dear Mr Rockstar therapist-I should’ve written this to you months ago.

How fucking dare you. Lead me to believe I’m so special and you want to be with me all the while still dating her but figuring out how to leave her so you can have your freedom and “be alone.” Or so you told me… Come to find out, I was only one of many girls you had on the side from your actual girlfriend. Although I am the prettiest of the girls (like you continually loved to mention), I didn’t make the final cut, did I? No, no. You drug me along for a year only to come into town and rub your “new” girlfriend in my face only weeks after drunkenly calling me and requesting a “tit pic” for the (unwarranted) cock shot you sent earlier in the day…

But for this, I thank you. If you had not come here with zero regard for me and my feelings, I can confidently say, I’d still be hanging on your words. Consuming every poison soaked phrase that lead down a dark path of self-doubt.  Nevermind the fact I was indeed shitfaced the entire time you were here, I felt all of it. In an attempt to drink away my feelings that weekend, I actually just  conjured up own ones… This may have been the smartest decision I made that weekend.  Being civil and not blowing your cover, the stupidest. Especially  since I didn’t hear from you for over 2 weeks after you left and when I did hear from you, it was because you wanted to thank me for “being so cool.” It’s not my style, nor do I enjoy ruining other people’s relationships… in this situation, I think you’ll be the one to pull the pin.

But I do need to thank you for the free therapy and endless compliments on my “rockin’ bod” and always telling me I look pretty without makeup… Even though usually the only thing you could manage was a simple, “goddamn goddamn.” As much as you crumbled me in the end, you built me up pretty high along the way.

…still kind of hatecha, bro. –Danielle

Dear Boy who claimed to be the nice guy, but told me that my ex had a new girlfriend so you could act like my savior.

Before we went out for drinks, you kept telling me what a nice guy you are and how you always finish last. I thought I was safe to have a drink with you since you knew I had recently went through a break-up with a mutual acquaintance. I thought it was polite to buy the nice guy a drink for once. We had our first sip, and then you dropped the bomb that you had met my ex’s new girlfriend. I was completely baffled as to why you would tell me this. You kept claiming you didn’t know that I hadn’t heard my ex had moved on. I was emotional and you could tell that I was still dealing with heartbreak. This didn’t stop you from preaching to me why I should date you. Weeks later, I decided to tell you that I wasn’t ready for a relationship and didn’t want to date you. I had to keep repeating my decision to you on the phone because you kept trying to convince me that you were the one for me. You may be a nice guy, but your tactics to get to a girl’s heart are not noble.  Just as much as I need to love myself, you need to love yourself enough to not a date girl who isn’t available. –Anonymous

Dear Boy who always took me for granted.

Maybe, how I first met you should have been a sign. A sign that you were just to much of a kid, with your afro hair and completely plastered face. Trying to pose yourself that couch “sexy like” to get my attention. I tried to show you I was uninterested,  but you were to drunk to notice until I got up because you were creeping me out.That was two years before we started dating. It took us a while to figure out it was you. When we did we laugh about it. It was a completely amazing joke that we could tell out friends and family. The beginning of our relationship was amazing and fun. Quickly I found out that… the beginning of our relationship was the only part I was really going to enjoy. You were still to much of a boy and not enough of a man, or even growing into a man. While work and college are important, you would  completely ignore me and act like you weren’t. I’m important too. I a human whom like attention from the person she loves. I did love you, very, very much.When we finally broke up in 2013 it was a blessing. You were selfish and it was hurting me more and more. You actually did this, because I finally made you realize how much you were being selfish and hurting me. I figured you would make start bucking up and treating me right. Instead you decided that there was to much damage, that you never wanted a girlfriend anyway, and so you broke up. I found you to be a coward, even if your reasons were “good” enough reasons.You dated me for almost a year and never once did I get to meet your family. You have no idea how much that killed me. None. Family is important to me and I really wanted to meet your finally. That was really my finally and last sign. I was tired of this relationship before it even ended.There are some things that I wanted to thank you for though. Like how you reminded me that I don’t want to change for anyone. Especially for someone’s imaginary image of perfection in his mind. I am not perfect and that has always been something I love about myself. I run into things and laugh. Half the time things come out of my mouth and they sounds like this “lfjdkls;ajkl;” and it amuses me. I do not speak English properly, especially not back in the day proper English. I have stupid friends, who do and say stupid things, and something they really just don’t understand things. SO WHAT?! They are human beings, being human beings, just like me and I love them completely. They accept me for who I am, the way I am and never want me to change.To say the least, I’m glad things ended. This is my goodbye letter to you. I’ve beensaying goodbye to you for a while now, and this is my final goodbye. –Done

Dear boy who I liked way too much, way too fast.

It took me a while to notice you. I had always noticed you at work as very nice, but I mean to notice you.It took you drunkenly grabbing my face and making a move one night. That’s when I saw you as someone other than the cute coworker. You were so adorable and shy that first night when I brought you home. We talked for hours, and at the end I saw you in a whole new light. I wanted to see this “outside of work” version of you again. We had our first, and only “Date”. It was a great night, that included making out in parks and on benches and in cabs. I couldn’t get enough of you. More late night hookups happened, a trend all summer. Then the “talks” happened. I knew you weren’t right for me. Too young. Too unsure of your life. Too drunk every weekend…and too caught up in your friends to care about someone else taking up your time. Yet, I still tried. Like every girl, thinking I could change your mind. That I would be great enough to break your “don’t date a coworker” rule and make you forget that it was becoming more than a casual hookup. You warned me about just wanting casual, I ignored it. I wanted you. I had finally found someone who I was comfortable laying in bed and talking with again. Who I wanted to tell when something happened at work, and who encouraged me. I don’t click with many, and I clicked with you. It didn’t matter, and you were adamant after the summer ended that we were also ending. Now I have to sit in meetings with you five days a week and try and forget the potential I saw in you, and how it felt snuggled up against you, and what it was like to kiss you. It makes me bitter that I found you at the wrong time, but you also helped me. You helped me move a little closer to being not quite so broken from the love I had before you. From “the one” that left me in pieces for years…and for that I’m thankful.  –Anonymous, 25, NYC

Dear boy who preaches that alcohol is no excuse for any actions but still claims it has his excuse for every fuck up.

I liked the expression on your face when you heard our music on the jukebox and even more so when you realized I was a cute girl and I picked it-absolutely adorable. I loved the way you made me feel completely beautiful in spite of meeting you in my “fat” jeans, a t-shirt and flip flops with a bare naked face. Your follow-up text the next morning after having me out until 5 am when I had to work at 8 was precious:

“I hope you’re feeling better than I am. You undoubtedly look better. I had a lot of fun last night. Let’s do that again please… I hope sooner than later.”

And we both know we did over the next month or so. Until I decided to show up at the bar unannounced with my BFF who was in town from Raleigh because rumor had it you were there and asking for me… I loved the giddy feeling driving to meet you. I hated walking in and you pretending I wasn’t even there. Maybe it was my stubbornness or maybe it was stupidity… but I stayed around and let our mutual friends try to push us together. Though inevitably decided to leave, only to text you the second I pulled into my driveway, tears streaming down my face and cursing your name, something along the lines of, “If I knew you were going to ignore me, I would’ve saved my pride and skipped it all together.” To which I received no response… ever.

This is where our story should’ve ended had I been any other person or you any other guy… But no, it didn’t, did it?

You ran into one of my friends while you were out one night and she proceeded to grill you until you finally broke down with some bullshit story about that night and being too drunk to form sentences much less talk to me because I made you “so nervous.” I should’ve seen through the malarkey and kept you in my NEVER EVER ANSWER box but I didn’t. I had been reading a self-help book (you know they’re my favorites) about giving second chances and let it take over… So I gave you a second chance. You showed me off for a couple weeks, all your friends fell in love with me (this is my strong suit), we were damn near inseparable…

But then I had to give you a third chance
Followed by a forth.
And finally gave up on the fifth.

You stepped on me, took advantage of my vulnerability and kind heart. We poured our past awful experiences out to one another and I felt that was pretty big because I don’t tell just anyone those things. The dreaded ex kicking me out, your ex of 2+ years leaving without reason only to jump into a relationship a couple months later, the abuse we both received in the past… I trusted you. You fucked me. –Danielle

Dear Boy who was something that I knew could never be.

But I have this thing about trying, so I tired with you anyway. We had been friends for a while and knew we have always liked each other. You liked that I never took the shit you dished out. Instead I always knew what you were trying to do and I told you bluntly to your face what I thought about your actions. Your actions were stupid and that you were being stupid. There is really not much to say for you or to you. Mostly that I’m done with you too. I tried with you, tried my hardest for you. You were interested at first, and than you weren’t and than you seemed to be interested again. You said you were very selfish and you are… The real reason I think you couldn’t be with me though, is because you weren’t completely interested in me. You realize that I’m more a friend than anything else.Which is fine, but by this point I really don’t want to be your friend either. –Tired of Stupidity

Dear boy who is brave enough to serve our country but not brave enough to end our  relationship in-person (or at least a phone call, geez):

We fell in love the summer before my senior year of high school. You were my first love. You made my head spin, my heart dance, and my body burn with passion. We went fishing together, sang along to Dave Matthews Band in the car with the windows down, and climbed up on top of an old building near your house to watch the stars and steal kisses. First loves are something special. They burn so bright and end with a bang. Ours was no different. My first broken heart took some time to heal but it did, and I came back stronger than ever. I don’t blame you for that.

Actually, I’m thankful for all the lessons that our love taught me and when you reemerged in my life 7 years later, I was curious as to whether or not that first love spark was still there. It was. Your life was vastly different from mine. I was in the middle of my last year of law school. You had just returned back home from years of serving our nation in the army. You had been sent overseas and God only knows what you saw over there, but with a bullet-wound and friends who didn’t return, I’m sure it was enough for a thousand lifetimes. Your bravery earned you a trip to the White House to meet President Obama and my heart swelled with pride the first time I heard about your accomplishments.

We reunited over Christmas break, that time of year when people are always longing for someone to love and hold. Personally, I think that the fear of being alone during the holidays is what motivates people to seek out a relationship during that time, but that’s slightly off topic. We fell right back in to where we left off. It was perfect. My cynical, lawyer logic was transformed into hopeful, giddy thoughts of a girl in love and my heart raced with I thought about our future. We spent time with your family, sipped on copious amounts of hard apple cider, and fell in love all over again. Well, at least I did.

We were more mature this time around, or at least I thought we were. You were what I had been looking for and I quietly ended those one-night stands with boys who only wanted me for my body. My last semester of law school started soon after the holidays and although I knew that my life would be hectic and stressful, I was prepared to face it because I knew that you would be by my side. Or at least I thought you would. Two weeks after my classes started, your attempts at communication dwindled and I was left wondering what I did wrong. You ignored me for an entire week. No phone calls. No texts. Nothing.

Needless to say, I was crushed. I drowned my broken heart with red wine. I cried when I woke up in the morning. I cried in the library when I was trying to study. I cried when I went to sleep at night. Something broke inside of me and I desperately searched for the answer as to why you did this to me. Finally, after a week of not hearing from you, I received your text, which simply stated: “I’m sorry but I don’t think we can be together right now.”

Twelve words. TWELVE WORDS. I tried to call you, ready to use every expletive known to mankind but you didn’t answer. In retrospect, that was probably for the best. A month later, I learned you were dating another girl who lived in the same town. I sent bad vibes your way and I hope you felt them. Recently, that relationship ended (I can only imagine how) and you had the balls to try and contact me again. Ha, not in this lifetime, darlin’. I smiled as I deleted your unanswered texts and applied my mascara before a night out on the town. Our second shot at a relationship taught me another lesson: bravery is not defined by your profession or what you do for a living. It is a combination of how you treat others and your ability to be honest. And honestly, you sir, are a coward. –Chelsea

So, boy whom I truly love, just know that I’m barely hanging on. No one takes my feelings towards you seriously. No one bothers trying to understand. You are the only person who ever did. And now, it’s obvious that you simply don’t care. It would be nice if you would keep your word, and at least be the friend I need right now. It’s hard to fabricate hope, when you won’t even speak to me. –Emma

Dear boy who was the best dancer I ever met.

Where were you all summer? You waited until my last night out in Lake George to show up at Fire & Ice. I remember laughing ’til I cried as I watched you bust some serious moves on the dance floor. You made me feel so comfortable–okay, maybe with the help of a few vodka sodas–that I matched your dancing enthusiasm and we tore it up like dorks, oblivious to those around us. My cheeks hurt from smiling. A few days later you asked my friend for my number (I didn’t give you a chance to ask in person) and asked me out over voicemail (I ignored the unknown number). I loved your boldness. Thanks for letting me be myself and so graciously accepting that I was unavailable at the time. I hardly know you, but you make me believe there are still good guys out there. –Anonymous

Dear boy you would think that after all this time I could let go of.

Leave all the empty promises and endless nights behind me and move on… but I simply can’t. I have moved past the fact that we will never be together, and that is for the best, but I may never get past the fact that I lost my best friend and partner of 5 years in a tiny, one line text message.

You were my first… my first boyfriend, first confidant, first kiss and so much more. You loved me for who I am and never tried to change me even when things were rough. You were romantic to a fault and considerate beyond my wildest imagination but in the end you gave up, threw in the towel and tossed aside everything we had for another girl. It hurt, and I thought I would hate you forever, but somehow I moved past the relationship because I thought the friendship was worth saving.

I am not saying we were perfect for each other, but we were perfect best friends. Even after the ridiculous break up and our parade of new relationships we tried to make the friendship work. After countless one night flings, phone calls that went on for hours and romantic hand written letters while you were in Afghanistan we let it stop working. Maybe we were both tired of trying to make something work that was never meant to be, or we were holding on to memories that needed to die, but when I look back all I can think about is how I would not change one thing.

I loved the way you held my hand and the way your skin smelled. I loved how you would squeeze my hand three times to let me know you love me, and how just catching each other’s eye from across a room would light up both of our faces. I loved looking at the stars in the back of your truck, and talking about a future we both believed was possible. I loved you and will always have love for you, and part of me thinks you feel the same. So boy, know that you will always be a tiny flicker in my heart, pushing me to find something better and know that I wish only the best for you, and thank you for helping me realize what love can truly be. –Julianne

Dear Boy who forgot my birthday.

Dear Me,

In the past several months you have grown. I know you have had a really hard time  the last couple of days with yourself, but this year it seems to be the year that you are fed up with stupid things that are getting in the way of getting back to yourself. This year has really seem to be the year that you are getting yourself back. That’s all you’ve wanted the last couple of years.

You had to go through the boys. They weren’t frogs, because a toad doesn’t come from a frog, and princes can be frogs in costume, and frogs whom turn into princes are fairytale. You never wanted a prince anyway. You’ve wanted a man, a true man. Not some foofoo boy who will give you everything you need, but who will challenge you to better yourself, look at things differently, and show you new things. Who will teach you things about yourself that you never thought were possible and in turn will teach him a thing or two about himself. Someone who will let you go your own pace, but will also kick you in the ass when ass kicking is necessary. You had to go through the boys to realize this and also realize what you have to do to be yourself again.A couple years back you were going through this same thing and than you started to date someone who got in the way of this. He didn’t like things about you and tried to change those things. You tried to comply and than realized what the hell where you doing. You started to fight back, and he didn’t like that. Things got rocky for the two of you. You started to doubt yourself. Than things ended. You adapted to your “screw everyone attitude” again. You stuck to your “screw everyone attitude.”I’m very proud of you for doing that. I can tell that this time around, you won’t let some boy walk all over you again. This time around you aren’t going to be dating the boys. You’ll be dating the men, or the growing up men. You realize that you can love yourself so much, but if someone else doesn’t love you like you love yourself, it can cause a rift. It can also cause a little self-doubt. So you need to find someone who enjoys you, just as much as you enjoy yourself. If they don’t, well they just don’t know what hilarious, dorky, and smart things that they are missing. You make yourself realize, they are just a pinch of salt in the ocean. –Keep loving yourself

Dear me.

You’re a smokeshow. Stop making excuses for the assholes you keep accepting in your life. Remember, you ARE a badass. You’ve got more to offer people than meets the eye. Let the ones that stare down your shirt or at your ass, buy you a drink or two. Save the substance and your heart for the ones who ask about your day and favorite movies. You know the ones I’m talking about. Keep the nerds close and the cool guys at an arm’s length. You know better, babe.

End this year with a bang. We both know 2014 is going to be one for the books. You’re gorgeous, I love you. –Danielle

Dear man I fell in love with in a matter of hours.

The stories I’ve read in romance novels and watched on movie screens of the fleeting love I barely believed in came true when I met you. You were instantly the one I knew I could never let get away. I asked my mom if you could fall in love in just four days and she said, “Well… yes. Yes, you can.” I was only nine months out of a turbulent, unhealthy, and self-deprecating relationship with a man who I thought was greater than god. Little did I know that he was one of the best things to ever happen to me — he led me to you.

Throughout our two-and-a-half years together, you’ve taught me more about love, compassion, strength, and courage than I ever imagined I could learn from another human being. You are kind to every one you come across, and you treat me like an absolute angel. We may have our good and bad days just like any other couple, but when it comes down to it, you’re truly the best man I ever met and I am thankful every single day to have you in my life.

Thank you for showing me that true, love-at-first-sight love really can and does exist. –Jenn

Dear Boy who is exact reason why I cringe at the thought of online dating.

The moment I said..”okay, let’s give this a chance” you ruined it for me before I even realized. The moment you called to tell me you need to push back our first date for a few hours, I should have shown you the door.  The moment we both finally met that night for the first time, I should have shown you the door……BUT I didn’t. The moment we kept meeting for dates (on your side of town) and you never picked me up, I should have shown you the door. The moment you kept using dental school as an excuse for everything, I should have shown you the door.

The moment we went a month without “real” communication or seeing each other, I should have shown you the door. (texting doesn’t count) Wait, I tried to show you the door but you promised you would do better & try better—and I let you back in.

I went through 6 months of “moments” with you, praying for God to grant me patience to see this “relationship” through (after all we had met each other’s parents).  I also prayed for clarity from God and he gave that to me.  That is why I finally showed you the door.  You were my first sip of a relationship in years and if that is what a relationship is supposed to be then I don’t want it.  It’s supposed to be 50/50 no 70/30.

The audacity you had to show a lack of emotion the last time I broke it off proved to me even more so that you aren’t my soulmate that God is preparing for me. I bid you final farewell and I truly hope you finally find your soulmate as I know mine will be sent to me when I’m ready. –Tiffani

Dear Boy who wanted me in secret. Who I met at work over a year ago and began to pursue me even though you weren’t my type and there was some talk of you having a girlfriend. You continued to invite me out with other co workers and then on a date which I finally caved in, merely for the excitement of where it could lead. People used to tell me so many marriages start at work. What was I thinking!  I had decided in my head you were one thing and after 8 months realized you were something different. The excitement of a secret relationship at work quickly faded when you stopped reaching for my hand under the table or kissing me in the street. Sure, sex was good and the consecutive texting throughout the day led me to believe I was a constant thought on your mind. But after several months I was ready to introduce you to my friends… and even family.  After catching you in several lies, and continuing to set myself up with disappointment I wised up. No more lame excuses and shame on me for being tricked by someone who was never going to commit and didn’t want me but didn’t want anyone else to have me either. –Anonymous

Dear Boy who asked me to be his date to a wedding and then left me at the reception for two hours so you could get high.

I was so excited to be your date. Day of the wedding, I picked the sexiest dress from my closet. I wanted you to be sure you picked the hottest date.  At the reception, you didn’t pull out the chair for me, nor did you get me a drink. You didn’t seem to care when others complimented you on your date choice.  I only danced with my friend and slow danced with your friends because you hide in the corner, drinking wine and texting. Every time I asked you to dance with me, you told me the next song.  Late in the night, you came to me saying you needed to give a ride to a friend and would return to the reception shortly. I asked to go with you, but you told me to stay since I looked like I was having so much fun. I would have rather danced with you. I would have rather spent the wedding with you.  You returned two hours later reeking of marijuana and trying to convince me you only left for 20 minutes. Not wanting to apologize, you turned the argument on me telling me I was too drunk and you couldn’t believe you brought the stereotypical drunk girl to the wedding. Next time you’re invited to a wedding don’t check the plus 1 option. –Anonymous

Dear Boy who was too cheap to purchase my lunch, but criticized the beverage that I chose and paid for.

We decided to have a quick lunch date since it matched better with our schedules, picking a sandwich shop. You didn’t hold open the door for me nor did you let me go first in line. You only purchased a sandwich and chips, not wanting to spend the extra $1.50 on a beverage. I purchased my own lunch including a diet soda. I let it slide that you didn’t purchase my meal; after all, it was only lunch. As we chatted over our meals, you grabbed my drink to take a sip. You spit it out when you realized it was diet. I rolled my eyes as you questioned why I would choose diet, knowing you didn’t like it.  I decided it was best to ignore your text the following week for another lunch date. My diet coke and I would rather have lunch alone. –Anonymous

Dear Boy who I really don’t want as my friend.

After you showed up on our first date, I was delighted to know that the energy you exuded in person matched that of your online dating profile. You were everything I thought and hoped you would be: tender, kind, tall, funny, successful and generous with your ideas of planning “the best first date.” During those three months you showed up consistently, never making excuses, and never faltering with your gentlemen-like gestures of holding open car doors or giving me the jacket off your back. You waited until a yes for sex felt safe and comfortable from me, regardless of what needs you may have had. Our dates were memorable, our chemistry satiable and your kisses ever so sweet and passionate. But as soon as that trip came up and you left overseas for six weeks, it was as if those three beautiful months of what we begun to build were nothing more than a memory which quickly faded. I’m sorry I went back to you a year later thinking things would be different. I am not sorry I met you, though since you’ve taught me what it’s like to be treated like a real woman, only next time with the right man who sticks around and doesn’t expire after the “90 day policy”.

The funny thing is I really, really did like you. I even saw a potential future with you, one that seemed promising especially after I was introduced to your family. But you’ve taught me that love takes time, and building trust is a process. And regardless of what people say and even do, it takes a lot more than a three month time span to get to know “the one”, or even “the potential one”. And although you may think we can remain friends, the truth is I have enough of those already. Ones that continue to show up overtime when I need them the most. So dear boy – in the end I’ve come out on top. Because although I’ve loved and lost, I’ve earned more dignity than I’ve given away. –Anonymous

Dear Boy who didn’t remember our drunken make out.

The boy I met a week after my new job started and thought it would be fun to go out with everyone from work and have one too many cocktails. As we hopped into a cab and you grabbed my face and to have a pretty memorable make out session. Finding out later how wasted you were to not remember it.  You made it utterly awkward to be around whenever we would see each other.  I’m not going to lie by my surprise of you flirting with me months later in hopes we could be normal again. I must be an idiot to have through that the boy I had a minor crush on would ever man up and actually ask me on a date. I never thought asking a girl on a date was hard, but somehow for you it seems it’s damn near impossible. After getting what I thought was a sober text from you early in the evening, I thought it was your plea to have our first date. Only to arrive to you in your grabby drunken stupor and me yet again falling for something I had made up in my head of you being. Thank you for making it so clear that you are still a boy as you tried to unhook my bra through my shirt as I repeatedly swat you away. You continued to not respect my boundaries and being extremely inappropriate. The main thing I have to thank you for is calling me beautiful. Sober, actually calling me the most beautiful girl you’d ever met …. and then again drunk. –Anonymous

Dear Boy who refused to become a man.

We met in college, and maybe that was my mistake.  We became best friends, often hanging out late in to the night, until 3 or 4am, watching Entourage and eating take out.  Slowly, you won my heart, though you were far from deserving.  We didn’t date right away.  I knew better than to hook up with you before we were in a relationship, but I wanted you so badly that I listened to you instead of my heart. And eventually we did date. You finally asked me out after I told you that I couldn’t do this anymore, that I couldn’t continue this pattern.  That should have been my red flag, that you would only commit when I threatened to take away something you liked. But I still listened to you, and not my heart.  Those 2 years were wonderful and terrible at the same time. I compromised myself for you, time and time again, convincing myself that I wanted to “live free” and not conform to the pressures to get married. But I wanted to get married. I didn’t see the point of a relationship that didn’t have marriage as a possibility. And yet, you refused. You were still in the college mindset of doing whatever you wanted, regardless of what was best for the other people in your life. You were the reason I got drunk for the first time, the reason I had sex for the first time, the reason I became less strong in my convictions, the reason I valued myself less and less. This isn’t all your fault, but you didn’t stand up for me when I couldn’t. You, who slept with my best friend behind my back, because you were both drunk. You, who called me crazy anytime I wanted to talk about the possibility of the future. You, who made me doubt myself. You are the reason I hated myself for so long after our break up.  The pain is still there. You didn’t break my heart- you turned it to stone. And slowly, slowly, the self-doubt is creeping away.  I’m working on believing in myself again. I have become stronger because of you, but I don’t thank you for it. –Jennifer

Dear boy who keeps making promises you can’t keep.

Two and a half years of a relationship I didn’t expect. If I could go back into the time we met, I would have kept it as friends only. When we first met I became too comfortable being around you. The more time we spent I kept forcing romantic ideas that I wanted that you never thought about. Once you had me under the loop you stopped doing all the productive things for yourself. You stopped impressing me once you knew we wouldn’t end. Somehow I still want the best for you and I. Every time you made a promise that you would change I always believed maybe you would but it was just something you would say just for me to forgive you over and over again. What’s meant to be is not always meant to be. Someday you’ll realize you’re not a boy but a man that needs to grow up. What’s love isn’t love anymore, and only time will tell, and by that time I’ll be gone. Sorry you couldn’t change and I couldn’t hold on enough to make you change. I learned in life you can’t always try to change a person, it has to be that person who wants to change.  Thanks for some of the good times and thanks for all of the bad times I will remember. –Anonymous

Dear Boy Who Thought Talking About Other Girls Would Turn Me On.

It started as very witty flirting that made me excited to open my phone. I met you on Tinder, which made me wary, but you shared my love for Archer and you looked so cute on Facebook that I decided to meet you for a drink. You chose a crowded place on Jane Street that took me 2 trains to get to. You were shorter than I thought you’d be. Our conversation (or what I could hear of it over all the noise) seemed forced and you seemed strangely aloof. I wondered if I should have worn heels even though it was snowing. I was sure our first time meeting would be our last but to my surprise you texted me the next day asking when you could see me again. I chalked our uncomfortable encounter up to nerves and decided I’d give you another chance. On our second date, drinks again, you were funny and clever. I admired the fact that you were confident enough to leave your job as an investment banker to pursue a promising start-up and when you kissed me goodnight there were definitely sparks. A few more really fun, really alcoholic dates and I was sure this was on its way to becoming something real. But then, you disappeared. Two weeks passed and no word. I decided to take charge and ask you where you’d been. You replied saying that you’d been really busy dating this other girl, but not to worry! It wasn’t serious. I don’t know why you thought this was the appropriate response or why you were surprised when I never texted you back again (though 4 more texts on 4 more occasions did force me to appreciate your persistence).  I don’t know who taught you how to date, buddy, but you should lose their number too. –Gigi

Dear boy who consistently calls me drunk at one in the morning, you’re never coming out the friend zone.

We met at a party at the end of spring semester. You ere cute and a great dancer, but a little too intoxicated for my tastes. We allegedly had biology lecture together (I’m still not convinced) and you asked to study with me for the upcoming exam. When you texted me the next day, I realized I hadn’t bothered to remember what you looked like and told you to come find me on the third floor of the library. I put your name in my phone as “Library Boy”. Three weeks later, we watched a movie at your place when your immature roommates slid condoms under the door and yelled down the hallway all night. A week later, you broke up with me as friends because you didn’t want a girlfriend at the time, but being around me was “just too hard” because your feelings were “just too strong.” I was confused that you thought there was ever anything between us. Like clockwork on Friday and Saturday nights, you text and you call begging me to come make “this lame party so much better”. You’re the one who disowned me, bro. You’re still in my phone as Library Boy, and that’s how it will stay. –Anonymous

Dear Me who seems to never learn from her mistakes. 

I’m probably getting into this situation again. I’m urging him to be what my mind wants instead of who he really is. I’m believing there is more to men then just wanting to get in my pants… there’s not. I am settling and thinking it’s okay to do so because I want to be spontaneous and in the moment. Stupid me, desperate me, hopeless romantic me…. stop. Just stop, move on and smile through. You are more and you will meet someone that is worth all the disaster situations you allow yourself to be in. –Anonymous

Dear Possible Man that I really don’t want to screw this up with.

The way we first met is hilarious to me. Back in high school I called you Daddy, because of some family thing you and your girlfriend made up at the time. I’m not sure why you picked me, you explained it to me, but I’m still in the “why me” stage. You are wonderful and amazing, you truly are. I’ve met your family and they are just your normal kind of family. I really like your family. Okay… we both don’t have normal families, but in the terms of normal for us, they are normal. You are a family person just like me, which I really love.In the past months, you have helped me to truly see that not all guys are douchebags. I have had to keep myself from stopping and staring at you with my mouth open wide. Mostly the mouth open wide part, sometimes I can’t help but stare at you. You are sort of a wonder to me. Half of the time I’m not sure what to make of you, or why you couldn’t have shown up sooner, and other times I just tell my brain to shut up and enjoy. I’m enjoying what is going on between us.

I love that you’ve accepted me for me. I love the little things you do for me. I love that you will wear a shirt to bed for a couple of day for me, just to get your sent on it. Than give it to me so that when I’m at home I can wear your shirt to bed and smell you when I wake up. It makes evil mornings a lot better. I love the things you say to me when we’re in bed together. That you have me, that I’m caught, and that I’m yours.I don’t want to screw this up and I know you don’t want to screw this up either. We might not screw this up and even if it doesn’t work out between us, I want to thank you. I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart, for being you. You are simply beautiful, wonderful, and kind. This is just the beginning for us and I can’t wait to see how far and where we go. Well I can wait, because I want to enjoy each day to the fullest with you. -Satisfied