In response to a blog I recently wrote, a man named Mark from Denver wrote to me to share the male perspective. I’m excited to share this inspiring blog with a message that I try to send through this blog, and one that I think all women – single, taken or otherwise – need to be reminded of. It’s even more refreshing to hear it from a single guy. Thanks for contributing, Mark! Check out his blog here, ladies.
“There is always someone prettier”
I heard this come out of my friends mouth as we were walking down the streets of NYC last week. She had flown in from Hong Kong for work and I was in town visiting my potential place of residence. We met up to hang out and spend a few days together.
It wasn’t a shock to hear this. Not because she wasn’t pretty. She was. She walked with confidence around the city and was able to navigate New York’s sprawling and endless metro system with ease. When we went out at night she would wear heels with her dress instead of flats, a true sign of a woman from a big city.
It wasn’t a shock because this is a common theme I hear from women.
“There is always someone prettier”
The easy thing for me to write would be, “You are pretty, you are worth it, just love yourself.”
I know myself, and I know people well enough to know a few words or comforting sayings won’t stop the internal mental warfare you have with yourself each day. This isn’t a guest post of me giving advice or telling you everything is going to be ok. It’s me saying I acknowledge you for what you do, and that it’s ok – more importantly you MUST accept and love yourself. Your happiness depends on it.
One of my all time favorite speakers and authors is Sean Stephenson. His mission is to rid the world of insecurities. Sean was giving a unique situation in life – He was born with a rare bone disease that put him at 3 feet tall and health complications growing up.
The easy thing for him to do in this situation would be to feel sorry for himself everyday because he didn’t look like every one else. What he chooses to do instead is to go right to the core of peoples emotions of wanting to feel loved and cared for. He is a living example of breaking through “comparison syndrome” and learning to love himself.
What I learned from Sean is that you are given the choice each day to love and accept yourself. Sometimes this decision has to be made several times a day. Some days are easier than others. It’s a daily ritual that takes time to cultivate and grow over time.
I admit I don’t know what it’s like to spend hours in front of a mirror each morning getting ready, or having a Facebook ad targeted specifically for me telling me to “lose another 10 pounds to feel sexy.”
What I do know as a man is that when a woman accepts and owns who she is, she becomes the sexiest woman in the world.
Men don’t want a women who’s a size 0 and has to obsess over every detail of their body image every day. Men want a women who loves and accepts themselves for who they are. There is nothing sexier than a women who has found a way to take care of herself and be proud of who she is.
Loving and accepting yourself isn’t something most of us were taught growing up. We are taught to always seek the next best thing, work harder, and do more. These messages do have a positive benefit to them, but not to how we treat ourselves.
Loving yourself starts with accepting who you are. Even if this seems difficult, do it for the future man of your dreams. Trust me, he wants a woman who is comfortable with themselves and has an inner peace.
It all started for Mark with a Reddit article that caught a lot of attention about how he went from being a “nice guy” who never got the attention of women, to a man who broke down step-by-step how to develop boundaries for himself and become the kind of man he loved and that women enjoyed being around. Over the past 10 years learning about psychology, self development, and dating. Since then, he has been on a journey to give back to men and help them with becoming a mature masculine man in today’s society. You can find his blog at thenewmanwithin.com.
Prettier is not what a guy wants. Though a woman should respect her own health, just as men should, and TRY to not let their weight get out of control. Everyone can walk. A roly-poly guy at work, 100 lbs overweight,decided to do something. He cut unhealthy snacks, and meals, ate healthy, and built up his walking time to two hours every. In about 16 months, he dropped that 100 lbs. 65 weeks, 1 1/2 pounds a week. Not noticeable each week, but add it all up, it is still 100 lbs. And he still walks every day.
A happy woman. A woman with a positive attitude about life, herself and others. A smile makes any woman a whole lot better looking, and MENTALLY more attractive.
If you don’t like yourself, no one else will. If you are around negative people, change where you hang out, or call them out on being so negative.
No one is confident 100% of the time because we all have are own insecurities. There may be those people (men and women) who LOOK confident, but are at times actually hiding how rattled they really are.
If we are not sensitive enough to be affected by life’s peaks and valleys (both for ourselves and others) then we are on the road to cold, distant, lacking empathy and being insensitive. Not the place to be.
We all have times where we need to pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and continue.
Humility is also attractive.
And NOT give up on ourselves. Or let the negativity overwhelm. If I ever find myself sinking into that mire, I volunteer somewhere.
And on the subject of appearances, I am six feet, 210 pounds with visiable abs (in my life, if I was not in great shape I would have been dead several times over – so it is self-preservation over aesthetic goals) but I have had serious relationships with women of every size and shape. (And yes, over 200 lbs)
The first thing I look at is a woman’s eyes. Then I like to hear what she has to say.
Love grows from these things and that more than anything informs the lust. No matter the “size”.
What is sad is when what she says indicates that she won’t believe that I accept her.
Love yourself. Let yourself be loved.