But What If You Do?

tumblr_mxlef7gqzH1rz7puro1_500What if your Sunday afternoon of busy to-do’s: your laundry, grocery shopping, tidying up, prepping for the week ahead, is always something you do by yourself? What if those Monday mornings where you roll over groggily, angry at the alarm clock, and longing for the warmth of another body against yours… are always met with an empty space by your side? What if all of that time you’ve spent dreaming and imagining, hoping and believing that something – someone – quite wonderful is somewhere out there, wasn’t worth your energy?

What if he doesn’t exist?

What if you take the advice of people who apparently know better (because they have found love, after all), and keep putting yourself out there? What if all of the bar hopping and event attending and group joining and volunteering and those bright, stilted smiles never help you to bump into what you’re looking for? What if you actually, my darling, have no idea what you’re looking for? Or perhaps, more importantly, what you need instead of what you think you want? What if all of the rule books and the advice columns and the expert opinions are frankly, sorry to say, bullshit? What if there is no magic answer or perfect solution or riddle to be solved?

What if you’re just meant to be single?

What if those visions of your future that you’ve harbored, tucked away in hidden journals and in the parts of your mind that you paint rosy, are forever imaginary? What if those children you’ve pictured, that house, that lifestyle and that family, won’t be the life that you actually lead? What if those destinations that you’ve saving, those passports stamps you wanted to collect with someone you loved, are better spent by traveling alone? What if that money you’ve been trying your hardest to store for something you’ve never been guaranteed – a wedding, an apartment, a worldwide sabbatical for two  – will be cash that you ultimately spend, entirely, completely on your own? What if you’re investing in your future, but not in a future with someone else?

What if it doesn’t work out quite like you thought it would?

What if those loving words and that sensual touch that you’ve convinced yourself some man out there can truly express… is just a wistful thought? What if turning down those one night stands and those romps of ignorant romance and passion were naive decisions, meant to hold a ground that won’t keep you steady? What if you should have been saying ‘yes’ all of those times, instead of waiting – wishing! – for something that meant something? What if you don’t get to experience all of the things that so many around you are enjoying, wasting, savoring, complaining about, taking for granted, counting their lucky stars for… every day? What if you never get to yell at your husband for not cleaning up behind himself because you’ll never have a husband?

What if you don’t get the chance to know what it feels like when someone is wholeheartedly in love with you?

But… what if you do?

What if you spend all of this time wondering when it’s going to happen instead of living a life that you love? What if you put aside all of these dramatic worries, and take a big risk? Ya know, the one where you let go of the timeline, let go of the expectations, let go of what you thought you wanted to make room for what comes your way? What if you are brave enough to believe that you’re worth more? That you’re worth the wait? That he is too? What if you’re strong enough to not settle for good enough, for fear that better won’t come along? What if you stop seeing black-and-white and choose the gray, the unknown, the unsure? What if you accept that when you don’t know what will happen next… anything can happen? Anything, everything, could be on the next block, the next date, the next year, the next month?

What if you trust that love will find you because you know it will?

And what if you let go of the doubt that’s coming into your mind this very second, as you read this, because to be happy, you have to believe in the things that feel impossible to you? What if you choose to be happy – and have faith that there’s more power in hope than there will ever be in… what iffing your life away?

What if instead of searching aimlessly for love, you choose to simply love your life? What if, my dear, is it really that easy?

 

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5 thoughts on “But What If You Do?

  1. Yes. Some of us have few opportunities.
    Four years, possibly four thousand into letters sent. Few received. Few responses.

    But my twin flame found me, as i was letting my last try expire.

    My love is so grateful to all the women who passed on me. And so am I.

    Live. Be good. Your loves will come together.

  2. Pingback: Why I Haven’t Been Writing |

  3. Pingback: Six Years of Learning to Let Go |

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