Hey Men, This is What I’m Thinking When You Text Me

When I started this blog, I made a vow to myself and to all of you that I wouldn’t use this place to manbash. Even with all of the terrible dates, disappointing break-ups and everything in between, I’ve never revealed an identity of the men I’ve dated or said things that weren’t true.

Well weren’t incredibly exaggerated, I should say.

I never wanted this space to be about the dudes – but about the girls and what it’s like to be a 20-something single gal dating, learning and growing in a big city. So while this post isn’t exactly man bashing… it’s a little more hater-y then my other blogs I’ve written.

I’m sorry I’m not sorry for posting this – but c’mon men.

What the hell is up with how you text? And send messages on apps? Or emails? Where did you read that being extremely lazy is okay? What happened?

I know we can’t go back to when we only communicated via the phone and answering machines (though I wish we could sometimes) – I think we could all make a little more effort to text effectively.

Or at least… with some care? Some creativity?

Let’s talk about some of my favorite (read: WORST) messages I’ve ever received via iPhone, Tinder, Hinge or OkCupid.

TEXT: Hey beautiful. Can I ask you something inappropriate?

What I’m thinking:

What he should have said: Hi, I really like your profile. How is your day going?

TEXT: Hi

What I’m thinking:

What he should have said: Hi, I love Corner Bistro, too! When was the last time you went? How is your day going?

TEXT: At 2 a.m. on a Friday night, via Tinder: You are the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen on Tinder.

What I’m thinking:

What he should have said: Saturday morning, around 10 a.m.: Hey, how was your night? I’m only a litttle hungover. How about you?

TEXT: In the middle of a work day on Hinge, Hey, random question for you? (I respond with a question mark) Do you shave down there?

What I’m thinking:

What he should have said: Absolutely nothing.

TEXT: After an awesome, incredible first date (and light making-out), no text for four days and then this: Hey, what’s that restaurant you said you liked? We should go on Friday.

What I’m thinking:

What he should have said: The day after our date: I had a really great time last night, let’s get together this weekend?

TEXT: K (after I sent a big detailed text message about our plans)

What I’m thinking:

What he should have said: Yeah babe, that sounds great. Meet you then.

TEXT: (When we’ve never met before, on OkCupid) Hey babe, what’s up?

What I’m thinking:

What he should have said: Hey, I really like your profile. What brought you to New York? Looking forward to chatting sometime.

TEXT: When we’ve been chatting forever on Tinder. And then via texting. For days and you haven’t asked me out yet.

What I’m thinking:

What he should have said: Hey, I’ve been wanting to try this bar downtown. Want to join me for a drink on Friday?

TEXT: Hey, I had such a good time last night. You’re gorgeous. Can I talk you into lunch tomorrow?

What I’m thinking:

What he should have said: That. Just that. Good job. Next date, please?

 

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4 thoughts on “Hey Men, This is What I’m Thinking When You Text Me

  1. Pingback: Hey Men, This is What I’m Thinking When You Text Me | | TinderNews

  2. Someone once said that it is just SO difficult sometimes to arrange something via text.

    The reply: Don’t you wish they would invent something where you could just simply TALK to a person?

    Personally, I have only texted once, and that was to tell a person to stop texting me…and just call.

    (Of course, I am FAR too verbose for the limitations of texting anyway.)

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