Introducing Ask the Addict Weekly Advice Column

Most of the emails I receive from readers ask me for dating advice. While I’m definitely no expert, I’m always happy to provide insight from my own experiences (and failures and successes and bad decisions).

While some of the inquiries are complicated and specific, several of the questions I’m asked are things that we all wonder from time-to-time: how do I make this relationship exclusive? How do I tell him what I need? Can you help me figure out this online dating nonsense?

So, I thought I’d start sharing my answers – while keeping all of you anonymous.

Please e-mail me anything and everything and once a week, I’ll publish this Ask the Addict advice column. Nothing is too strange or ridiculous (trust me), and stories are always better with twists and turns, so don’t be embarrassed.

First up we have E who signed up for Plenty of Fish and wanted some help with her dating profile.

E: I decided to bite the bullet and sign up and I was hoping you would read my profile and let me know how it sounds. I’m a little shy and talking about myself is not something I’m really good at so I could use the help! Here’s what I have now:

My take:

Congrats on signing up for online dating! I find it both infuriating and fascinating. It’s a great way to screen guys and usually more effective than the bar scene. Your profile is off to a great start – here are some general online dating tips that I’ve learned over the years:

People find it easier to reach out and break the ice if they can pinpoint one thing that they also relate to. Instead of saying “I like trying new things” – say what new things you’ve tried recently.

Don’t rush it.

While I totally understand the desire to be upfront and let guys know you’re looking for a relationship, it’s not the best thing to put in a profile. Even guys who ARE looking for a relationship will feel pressure from that statement. Though it’s not always true, it’s implied that people who have online dating profiles are looking to date, and thus, have a relationship. Talking about getting serious is something more for a fifth — or really tenth — date conversation!

Be on two sites if you can handle it.

OkCupid has several duds, but there are some winners there as well. Also, Match.com is a good investment if you’re up for the cost.

Now – see my edits on your actual profile: 

My name is E. I’m 24. 

Say something that’s specific – they probably know you’re 24 because it says your age, right? Wherever you live, say something specific about the place: “I love that pizza place on Main Street with the sweet old couple behind the counter, and on Sundays, you can find me running in Sunset Park.” Men love being able to say, “Me too!”

I love spending time with my friends and family; going out and finding new places and trying new things. As much as I like to go out and have a good time, I’m also content to stay in on the weekend with a movie. 

This is great – but say something fun you’ve tried recently (a cooking class? The Color Run?) For your second line, I’d just change it a bit: “I love exploring the city, but sometimes, I really enjoy gorging on Netflix and laying around on a lazy Sunday.” 

I like to cook and stay active-I’m running my first half-marathon in a few months! 

Great – always good to include your activities! Any more?

I enjoy traveling, but haven’t had the opportunity to do much until now.

Until now meaning what? Where have you traveled? Great conversation starter. 

I’m looking for a guy who is smart, has a good sense of humor, likes to have fun but is stable and knows when to be serious. Someone who embraces life and all its challenges. I want a guy who is looking for a relationship; someone who wants to eventually settle down and start a family.”

I’d just change this to: If you’re smart, know a joke or two, can introduce me to something I’ve never tried before and bring something interesting to the table, send me a message. That is, if you’re up to the challenge. 

This Valentine’s Day, write a self-love letter to yourself and it’ll be published (anonymous or not) on Confessions of a Love Addict! And you enter yourself to win a prize pack of beauty products and a Home Goods gift card! Learn more here. Submit here.