February 19, 2012 by Lindsay Tigar - 10 Comments

The Girl Who Changed It All

Once upon a time in a far-away land called Manhattan, there lived a man.

He was a favorite at his firm, the comedian of his group of friends and the best uncle he could be to his nephews. He was attractive in the most all-American of ways, chiseled and fit, and blue-eyed with hair that curled at the ends. He had no trouble courting and finding women to share his bed, and several tried to claim his attention too. But that — that was the one thing he couldn’t do. As wide as his mind would open as he traveled the world and as big as his checks grew over the years to the charities he admired, the one part of his life that wouldn’t grow was his heart. It had grown weary after a bitter breakup right after college, and as he approached the big 3-0, he was happy and satisfied with all he had made for himself, but love just wasn’t in the cards. Sure, he thought about it occasionally — when he had one too many whiskeys with his colleagues or when he suffered through an unimpressive date with another tall, thin-someone from somewhere, who didn’t do much more than turn him on with her looks. He remembered the days when he wanted a family, and sometimes finds himself jealous of his siblings who seemed to of mastered the home life without much consideration for their career.

He was smarter, he thought. He had focused on the right things and didn’t let something as silly, as transitional, as fleeting as an attractive broad shake his priorities. He made the right choice — if it had been a decision at all, that is — and without a doubt, he’d be running the company before the next decade was over. And that soft-something to come home to? It’d be a nice blanket of cash to rest easy on, and to give those around him all the monetary needs to be happy. He’d be a great uncle. He’d be a game-changer in his industry. He’d have an amazing apartment in midtown. He would always have incredible sex. But love? He could do without it.

Or at least he thought.

She was always the odd one of her group of friends. A little distracted by her dreams instead of living in the here-and-now. She didn’t realize her beauty or depend on it to get her where she wanted to go, as many women do. Loveliness drenched through her body, all the way to the soul — she always captivated those who knew her by the depth of which she cared. She was successful in her own right, but in a way that wasn’t typically considered remarkable. She didn’t fret though – she had come a long way and if she made any difference in the world, she hoped it was by helping someone else. She loved to draw and missed the girly-girl gene, often sporting casual attire that suited her lifestyle, but wasn’t what most would call trendy. Independent to the bone, she went backpacking through Europe, spent a year in Australia just because she could, and skipped the Ivy League college to study art via the streets of Venice. But she was brilliant. She soaked up the energy of those around her and men often fought to win the upper hand. She never let them – while she believed in love and knew one day she’d wed, she was in no rush and felt like it should just work itself out. It would be easy. She knew what she was worth and that she would know when she met someone who knew it too.

For him, she was the girl who changed it all.

They met in an ordinarily, extra-ordinary way — by chance. The chemistry was unmistakable, those passing by would have sworn the couple had known each other for years. They felt it, too. Instantly. She was careful not to give too much away and he hungered after the chase because he finally felt alive. That spark that had blown out so many moons ago, started to ignite and he couldn’t deny it. If there was to be love, if he was to love, if there was such a thing called fate after all, it had to be with her. Because she arrived, he could arrive at a different decision. His entire life changed course – now things like family, romance and nights-spent-in cooking and making love throughout the early hours of the morning were far more enticing than working longer or going in on the weekends. Her art had never been better – she felt inspired and warm, almost in a constant state of awe that she had found him. He counted his blessings every night she fell asleep in his arms, naked and entranced that he really could be one of those guys who found the girl who made him a better man. A girl who changed everything.

This is a storyline you’ve heard before. It’s one you’ve watched, one you’ve read in books with pages you couldn’t stop turning. It’s the story you’ve believed with all your heart from the first time you heard it. It’s the same story you tell yourself when you’re unsatisfied with your relationship but really want it to work out. So you wait. Because you can be the girl who changes the man. You can be the sparkling, captivating, irresistible woman who changes a darkened man into a lighting bolt. Who can change the one who refuses love into the one who seeks it. The gal who can not only mend a broken heart that’s been down for years, but you can give it a new life. You can make it better than it was before. We all want to be the one who changes a toxic bachelor into a hopeful romantic, simply because we are so wonderful.

Because if we can do that – if we can be that girl we’ve watched and read about then we must really be something. We must be glittering with golden specs, eliminating the black-and-white and bursting with color. If we can be that intoxicating, if we can break the mold and break in the man, then we’re really that remarkable.

I’ve wanted to be that girl.

I’ve believed I could love someone so much that they would change their heart and love me just as much in return. I knew if I could do anything, it was being kind and understanding. It was being so alluring, so entrancing, that no matter what – a man would come out of his shell, out of his own standards and see that he had to believe in love, because he believed in me. If I could get a man – a man I loved – to see me like that, then maybe I really was something special. I was determined to be the one who could make everything sensible for someone else until I realized I was already the girl who changed it all…for me.

I have been brave enough to try things that truly terrified me – from moving to New York to falling madly in love. I have been strong enough to change my mind, even when I didn’t know where my new direction would take me. I have changed my style, my opinion, my home and my attitude time-and-time again, without worrying if it was right or wrong. I have healed my own heart so that love can find it again. I have opened my eyes to see the truth, instead of getting lost in make-believe. I have become something special, without any validation or any approval from any man, or anyone.

I have been the best me that I could be, without ever needing a man to change me or to prove to me that I’m great. So while my life may one day become even more of a romantic comedy than my friends say it is — if I do happen to meet someone who decides to give love another go, just because of me – then I’m happy I could help. But I don’t need a man who needs me to change it all for him to make me happy with the path I’ve picked and the me I’ve become.

I’ve already become the girl who changed it all, by changing myself.

February 14, 2012 by Lindsay Tigar - 4 Comments

Happy Valentine’s Day, Darlings.

Hey lady-

Yeah, you. You with those beautiful blue eyes and that crazy hair that somehow manages to fall into place naturally, even with it’s wavy flair. You with that giggle that responds to anyone’s attempt at make you smile – from the kid you volunteer with to a man who tries to steal your attention. You with that blog where you right open-endedly and truthfully. You who allows yourself to be vulnerable with strangers, displaying what you feel and what you think for anyone who clicks to read. You who landed that oh-my-god-so-amazing-you’re-still-pinching-yourself dream job in August. You who was brave enough to walk away from someone you really loved because you loved yourself more. You who has the most incredible, dependable and outrageously hilarious friends who stand by you, no matter what. You who set your mind to living in New York City – and damn it – you did it, girl. You who I’m so, so, so proud of. You, who made it happen, by never missing a beat or fearing the future because you set that pretty little mind to it, and you, pretty little thing, knew you’d get there. You with those curves and those hips, that runner’s booty and that’ womanly-ness that men love. You who shouldn’t give yourself a hard time for being a little round around the edges – you were made to turn head with that femininity because damn girl, you own it! You who deserves – and will one day find – the greatest love of all. You, who even if you kinda hate the word, is ever so nice. To those you know, to those you don’t, to those who deserve it and those who take it for granted. You who was born to survive, born to thrive, born to take this place and this space by storm. You who glitters with gold but shimmers like silver, believing in the best and knowing with all that you are, that you can make it through the worst. You who is generous with your words and your time, with your mind and most importantly with the thing that makes you so gorgeous — your heart. Lady – that’s the most radiating thing about you. It always beats. It always believes. It takes a moment to write a handwritten note to a friend who’s had a rough time and it pauses to let the elderly pass before you. It hopes and it hears, it keeps you strong and reminds you of your tears. It comes up with the loveliest rhymes and it remembers the things that are the most important. And the most fragile. It’s so strong, even when it can’t tell right from wrong. It breaks sometimes and it’s felt destroyed for an hour or so, here-and-there, but it keeps going. It keeps you going. It keeps those eyes shining through it all, and it’s what makes people love you. You, lady, are so impressive. Don’t let anyone tell you different. Don’t let anyone take away that fire or stomp on that sparkly heart. It’s truly, magically, profoundly – one of a kind. And so are you. Go get ’em Tigar – you’re just getting started. Happy Valentine’s Day. I love ya – Linds, New York, NY

Dear lovely me, Hello, gorgeous. You are looking adorable today. You radiate such strength & love in your small frame, & the whole world recognizes it. This year has been a doozy for your little heart, but no matter what….you are able to piece it all together again & grow wiser. I love the person you are–every curve, freckle, curl, & smile. & I know love is in your near future, because that’s the energy you’re putting out there….& good things really do come to good people. Let’s just hope YOUR good thing loves tacos & “Parks & Recreation” as much as you do. Keep on shinin’, precious girl. xoxo – Michelle, Asheville, NC

This Valentines day you will be with your boyfriend. Do not set any expectations which are either too high or even too low. Expect nothing so that you can be surprised and love him because he loves you too. Enjoy yourself and keep in mind to value yourself because you are strong, independent and have come a long way. After all is said and done, you have many things to be proud of. Especially be proud by being able to leave the past behind and working on a better, happier future. – McKenzie, Canada

You are quirky, independent, and a bright, bright star that shines her sense of humor into other’s hearts. not many may understand you, and hell, sometimes you don’t understand yourself. but have you ever thought about the positives of that scenario? there is always something new to discover about yourself. the adventures that you partake in open your eyes to the realization that you can accomplish so much more than you ever dreamed of. i am so proud of you! you are beautiful. you truly are. some days you may feel unpretty but your soul never is. your soul is a pure light with golden undertones that sparkles silently inside of you but its vibrations make their way into you heart and out into the world. now that we are on the topic of your heart… yes, its been broken, bruised, absolutely torn apart but its also mended itself into a heart that has become even more beautiful with the damage. please, do me a favor, open it a little bit more. when you feel safe and secure, open it again. and again. and again. love endlessly. give your trust to people when they give you a reason to trust them. and slowly start rebuilding the walls around your soul and heart. when i say rebuilding, i mean completely destroy the walls made of steel, stone, and radioactive materials. rebuild them with something less intimidating. rebuild those walls with materials that allow pure spirits to flood into your heart. rebuild those walls with force fields that deflect all negative thoughts and people. you are a goddess. a curvy, curly-headed goddess, that can twist into all those insane yoga positions. you are intelligent. you are going to excel in your career and give “zealous representation” a whole new meaning. be strong and demand respect from everyone, especially yourself. make sure your family knows much you love them. the same goes for your friends. i promise that one day you will be swept off your feet and you will know why it didn’t work out with anyone else. i know its hard but keep your head up and your standards high. its ok to be lonely. use this time to love yourself in every way that you can. you are prepared for amazing things to happen and you can handle it. so don’t you worry your pretty little mind. people throw rocks at things that shine. xoxo – Chelsea, Charlotte, NC

You are beautiful with ocean blue eyes and long red hair and cinnamon freckles sprinkled here and there. An unusually loud laugh is what they say, but you don’t care you laugh anyway. Smart, witty, funny and caring but not always very good at sharing. A daughter, sister, girlfriend and mother, blessed by those who really love her. Strong and determined with a plan, your going to make it with or without a man. So take comfort girl, in knowing thy self, a simple life of happiness and health. –Stacy, Missouri

Happy Valentines day to the person I have truly learned to love, to the person who has unwavering strength, compassion, and generosity. You have so much to be proud of, especially in forgiving yourself for any flaws and in forgiving your ex for all of the heartbreak. Today, I celebrate finding a new type of happiness in myself, a fabulous group of friends, and a lasting love in myself. Because at the end of the day, I really am enough. – Alex, Arlington, VA

I love you for who you were, who you are and the YOU that is yet to come! You are beautiful, smart, witty and kind. You are blessed with the best daughter and husband on earth, both your special Valentines! You give to others from the heart and it comes back to you 1,000 times over in friendships, family, kind words and helpful hands. Happy Valentines Day to you! I am proud of you! – Kim, Asheville, NC

Please know that you’re better than the crappy financial situation you’re in now…it will get better. it has to because too many people think i rock and appreciate me. so forget the ones who don’t appreciate me. they don’t matter. start seeing yourself as those who love you see you. look at yourself through their loving eyes rather than your own self-loathing. realize that richard loves me. he loves me as best he can with his own human fallacies. he does listen. he does care. relish in the good he brings to my life and release the crap he does that makes me feel unspecial because i AM special. in his own way he knows it so any hesitation on his part in any way is a sign of his own lacking, not mine, for i offer him my heart, my soul, my laughter, my joy, my shared adventures. he does the same, remember that. again, he does but in his way. he is smart, opinionated, strong, sexy but i am all those things too! that’s why we merge so well. relish those moments with him that allow me to breathe, laugh, transcend limitations on many levels. relish the true me he encourages. release the toxic crap from my nasty family. stop allowing them to enter my headspace because they aren’t in my life so stop that bleeding. instead, heal now. this instant. HEAL and GROW and get a grip on my life again. no more slipping into abyss of worse and worse debt. instead, focus on regaining my wonderfulness and my footing in my career. pay back those who have shown me generosity. may god bless them for their compassion towards me when my own family doesn’t care. thank god for my mom who does care and love me. relish the good. release the bad. accept what is. change what is changeable then release the rest. AMEN. now go eat some organic raw vegan dark chocolate. it’s valentine’s day, you deserve it! – Lisa, New York, NY

This valentine is to you and ONLY you…yes it has been a few years since you have had a “real” valentine but who cares! You have so many people who love you and care for you. they may not always show it when you want them 2 but when you need them the most they are usually there. What i LOVE about you is that you are finally starting to become the women you have been working so hard to achieve. I can see the changes you have made over the past year and i am HAPPY with your choices and the women you are starting to become. You dont need a man to be happy and you have found that! even though it took you a little bit to take the focus off of trying to find HIM and putting all that time and effort into your own new projects! Over the past year and a half you have learned to survive and love yourself. In the world the only person you can depend on 100% is yourself (and of course God) and you are learning to do that and become less dependent on those around you for emotional or verbal support. You will ALWAYS be fearless and fabulous. You are stating to make a statment and make your own rules in life. You have started so many new great things that are helping you make a name for yourself and so many great things will finally fall into place. Your hard work is paying off and it will continue to pay off. So here i am saying happy heart day to you and lets have a toast…and a few shots…to US. and hopefully you will be having these drinks with some of your fav gurls and dont forget to just enjoy life! Dont forget this years motto…”Laugh, Love, and Live without regrets”. One day…yes one day (hopefully sooner than later) HE will come along and be all that you want plus more. So put those thoughts of HIM on the back burner and focus on school and your other new projects. It will all work out. i promise :-) –Stephanie, Kirksville, Missouri

Dear Me, Thank you for finally comitting to loving every dimple, every curve, and everything you deam as a flaw. I know this is corny but, you are beautiful the way you are and I think over the past year we’ve created an unbreakable bond. You finally not only believe but also love what you see in the mirror instead of condeming us behind closed doors. You hold your head a little higher and your confidence is no longer faked. Thank you for trusting in me, thank you for now trusting that the rest of the pieces, the rest of your life, will fall in place just as it should. I know it’s not easy but rest assured there is no thought, no fear, no regret that I don’t understand and won’t let you go through alone. Think about how far you’ve come girl and use this day to keep pushing yourself forward. –Sarah, Portland, Oregon

I love how you can smile all the time. I love how you work hard and focus. I love how you can love yourself. I love how you strive for positivity (though this may be a bit recent). I love your desire for more. I love how you can feel less awkward around others than you did years before. You, my dear, are amazing no matter what. –Anonymous

You may not be the smartest, or the prettiest, you may not have the greatest job, or a loving boyfriend. You may not live on your own, in a cute little apartment. You are not the best cook and yes you have flaws – but don’t we all ? You may not have all of the things in life that you`d like, but for once in your life you are genuinely happy. You are beautiful, and determined, you are kind and patient. You care about others more than most and love to see people happy. You go on roadtrips, spend time with your family and spend money on things just because you want it. While many of your friends are getting married and having babies you are seeing the world, volunteering for things that are important to you, and planning for a big move. You focus on loving everyone who is around you and most importantly you have learned to love yourself. This past year has taught you many things and you have seen lots of heartache, but you are alive and healthy and living. You have found true friends, kept them close, learned who was using you and moved on from old relationships. Most importantly you have learned that happiness is not a destination but it is in fact a mood. You will have days where you are sad but you`ll watch a sad movie, cry your eyes out and wake up ready to conquer a new day with a new attitude. So go out tonight with your friends, enjoy staring at Channing Tatum for an entire movie, treat yourself to some popcorn and enjoy a normal Tuesday night out. You are wonderful just the way you are and one day you`ll find a man who will bend over backwards to make you his. Happy Valentines day to all you other love addicts out there :) – Christina, Cleveland, Ohio

I know you have been alone on Valentine’s Day every single year of your life because the one time you had a boyfriend you broke up before Valentine’s Day. But that is okay, because there is a guy out there waiting for you and he will be even more than you could have hoped for, and then when you finally get to spend Valentine’s Day with that special man you will know that the wait was worth it. So stay strong, because God has someone waiting :) – Leslie, Asheville, NC

Your snappy hilarity, your long legs and lashes, those green eyes that see into the most private of souls – these are the things I love most about you, and I am yet to meet anyone quite like you. Blessed am I to be in your skin. xx –Maria, Melbourne, Australia

It’s amazing how you try to never lose your faith in God’s plan. Not only have you taken everything in the past three years in stride and kept your focus, now you’re taking even bigger steps to make some dreams come true. Never be afraid of greatness and never settle for ordinary. Always remember that the absence of change is death, so embrace the tides that are shifting in 2012. Keep your head high and know you’re stronger than you might feel. Your heart is going to stay true and you’re going to be safe, supported and protected where ever life takes you. Even though you do have a great boyfriend, part of the joy of writing this is knowing that you’re strong enough on your own that you’re not dependent–he is a wonderful addition to an already fabulous life. Never let yourself have to feel otherwise, simply always be grateful for what he adds. So share a lot of appreciation for him today—but also love on yourself. As a typical Libran, I know you’re often giving and ignoring what you feel or need, or looking for ways to make others happy first–and you have to remember all of the awesomeness you are and the fortitude you’ve shown yourself over the last year. My dear, you’re really coming into your own. –Ashley, Winston-Salem, NC

Go get ’em girl. – Anonymous

When the new year started, you deemed it as “The Year of Me”. You vowed to yourself that you would not let people bring you down, get in your way or make you feel inferior. From that moment, you dedicated this year to self improvement and creating a happy life for yourself. You are a beautiful, funny, compassionate individual with so much self worth- though it’s entirety has yet to be discovered. Keep seeing the potential each day offers, focusing on the good and finding reasons to smile. You’re not too old to make a difference, though the thought crosses your mind far too often. Your heart and what it has to offer has plenty of time to seep into others. Your experiences and passion to help and guide people will only grow. So, on this Valentines Day- love yourself exponentially, and remind yourself to continue doing so every day that follows. Give yourself a break…you’re on the right track. – Anonymous

My girl L. had a topic for V. day: “Write a blog and say what is it you love about yourself.” It took me awhile to love myself. I always accepted myself but loving myself happened through trials and tribulations. I love most and foremost, my heart. I believe in humaneness, in that in each one I see myself. I would not do anything or say anything that would harm anyone else on purpose. I did it once and carry it with me, because I realize how I crushed this person. I totally changed who they were, how they saw themselves. Emotional assault leaves an unseen imprint on others. I learned a lot from that. I did it to protect myself and it worked. It got the abuser away from me but I had to delve into his core, and peel him raw. Have you ever seen how your actions harmed another? I hope most of us would, maybe then the world would be a better place. I loved this guy who stole my money. He shitted on my dream, my first savings towards buying a home and not once did I ever call him a thief or anything though true may cause him harm. I am not saying that I am a saint. But I understand how sometimes people do things and we do not know why they do them, so I let it go. I learned from my mistake about investing in others and walked away. So, yes, my heart is my favorite thing about me. I love my heart the most because I am caring, giving. I learn from my mistakes. I apologize when need be, I do not use people to achieve my ends. I am always there for those who need me. I love to please my friends, make them smile, so it is quite sensitive because of it, easily touched, broken perhaps as well. I love my honesty. It does and can create arguments, but with me you will always know where you stand and when I speak, it is to express how I feel not to hurt anyone on purpose. I think it says that I am someone people can rely on and I like that. There will be no second guessing, you will know when you ask me, I will tell you the truth, at least my truth. I love my perseverance in the midst of trials. I sure can moan and groan to my friends when the going gets tough but despite that, I know what has to be done and I will do it. I used to be a dreamer but I am more so a realist, so much so that some call me a pessimist. Yet, I persevere, hoping for the best. This makes me fearless cause I know I can, I have and will. Some say they dislike when women say “I don’t need a man.” No, I don’t need one to live but one who loves me as I would love him sure would make life better, easier. This year as in the past few, I am going solo because I won’t settle for just anyone and I am fine with that. I am worthy of love for who I am and all that I have to offer, no near-misses next time around. I am an awesome mom. Well, my girls tell me so. I love to learn. Some say I am quite smart. I think I am great at deductive reasoning and am studious but smarts, like street smart, physics, tidbits to throw in convos just to impress, I lack. I am willing to learn, to grow, to listen, to accept and I think that says a lot. I am flexible and open which, in my book is cool, that lessens my stubborn streak. I am friendly. I used to be friendlier but I have been hurt too much, too many times by allowing people in my life that now I am more aloof, more careful. My heart is too weak to handle these upheavals as much. So, here is V. day coming and I am with the one whose always been there for me and I love her unconditionally. I will protect her from harm, cherish her, encourage her, fight for her and accept her, faults and all. – Lynnaima, Boca Raton, Florida

You are a star. You work hard, are totally independent, you pursue matters of the heart, you send out love to all those around you, and you’re great. Thoughtful, funny, caring, intelligent and beautiful. You don’t need a man and you know it. Your life is complete as is and always has been. This Valentine’s Day, give yourself something special, more patience and trust that the universe will deliver. Love your life, love your family and friends, love your creativity, your writing, your health and especially your own heart. You’re a damn fine lady. Enjoy yourself, you deserve it. –Katie, Quebec, Canada

You are beautiful! You are beautiful, strong, courageous and fabulous. Those curves would make any man drool, and if they don’t then it’s their loss… Never back down, never grow up and never ever settle for less than you deserve! Happy Valentines Day, enjoy being fabulously single! – Anonymous

i love you . really. i love you. you are amazing. –Miss Red, London

If I could tell you one thing that you might believe, I would tell you that you are special. You are unique, beautiful and complicated. You take too long to make up your mind and are cautious of making the right decision. You have so much curiosity and never want to quit learning-even if that means getting into the hell that is organic chemistry. Adventurous at heart you don’t shy away from a challenge and being told you can’t makes you that more determined to say you can. I know you have doubts. Doubts about your worth and your capabilities. Forget them. All of them. You are going to great things with your talents and perseverance. You’re going to find that someone to make you smile. You’re going to reach those goals in due time. Stop worrying so much! Live for the now and worry about all that boring grown up stuff when you actually feel old enough to call yourself a ‘grown up’; whenever that is… You’re beautiful just the way you are. Every freckle and scar, like the one from the time you fell riding your bike; It makes you, you. Love yourself and never let anyone make you feel like you don’t deserve what you want. You are worth every happiness in this world, try to remember that. You still have a lot of growing to do. A lot more to discover about who you are and where we want to go-but as long as you hold your head up high along the way, you’ll be just fine. You also don’t need to define your worth on the basis of a relationship. Relish in the ability to discover and grow all on your own so when the time comes that you get to forever share your heart with another, you are fully in love with yourself. Be sure of what you want and what you need before God lets the perfect man cut in a steal you for a dance. You need someone who compliments you, not completes you. I love you, and not surprisingly, a lot of other people do too. So this Valentines day love yourself more than you’ve ever loved anything else. We’re going places chick, and amazingly, that is more exciting than any box of chocolates or flowers on a Tuesday. –Laura, Mebane, NC

Dear you, I love you. No, I like really fucking love you. I think you are awesome. I love that you aren’t perfect-looking, and that sometimes you say the wrong things, and that you’re a little different, but pretty average at the same time. I love that you are real and that you don’t know how to hide your emotions, if your life depended on it. I think sometimes you forget how awesome you are. If I had one wish it would be for you to never forget how utterly amazing you are when you are completely yourself. You seem to carry your awesomeness pretty well, but sometimes a super hot savvy person walks in and intimidates you and you shut your awesomeness down a bit. I hate it when you do that, but it is okay. You are working on it. I love that you are an opportunist. I love that you graduated with a Masters degree before the age of 23. I love that you even did that in one year. I love that you have found something you love doing. I love that children and positive people rock your world. I love that you are obsessed with movies and stories and characters. I love that you sleep with books on the other side of your bed. And that you don’t go anywhere without a book or your kindle in your hand. Also love that you see every movie that’s in theaters. I love that you love the arts and that you really appreciate talented people and people who work their butt off to perfect what they do. I love that you get inspired easily. I love that you have hobbies. I love that you write, knit, and run, and play the keyboard all to yourself because you know you really suck at it. But I love that you still try. I love that you have goals and that you make list of all the things you want to do on a weekly basis. I love that those lists involve a lot of fun stuff, things you want to try, and places you want to go rather than just an exhaustive list of errands you have to run. I love that you stay busy, but I love more that you know how to stand still and know how to occupy the NOW without flustering your brain with the future. Who knows anything about that anyway? I love that you believe in math, and science, and God. I love that you take notice, write footnotes, and make sure you experiment those ideas before denying anyone’s truth. I love that you see that spiritualism and science are one. I love that you can explain photosynthesis, and the simple laws of physics, and that you believe that even with detailed explanations there is a higher power involved. I love that you’ve plastered Garth Stein’s statement in your heart after you read that, bodies evolve and souls evolve and the universe is a fluid place that marries them both in a wonderful package called a human being. I hate that you are such a bad listener and that people have called you out on it. But I love that you have recognized that you are a bad listener and now working on shutting the EFF up, and just simply listen. I love that you believe in love and in marriage and that you want those things for your self. I love that you want a relationship that would lead to love and marriage and a house and some babies, but that you don’t see it as the ultimate prize. I love that even though you want to come home from work on a Tuesday night, make dinner, and curl up in bed with someone who loves you, you are just as happy coming home on a Tuesday night, making dinner, and reading a book all by yourself. I love that you are living your life as happily as you are all on your own. I love that you make bold decisions and that you live your life on your terms without hiding under other people’s opinions. I love that you quit something you hated and didn’t even bother to get a second opinion from other people. You just did it. And now you are happier getting ready to embark on yet another grand adventure. I love that you aren’t afraid to be daring, that you make necessary changes whenever needed. I love that you have made the decision to move to Miami, completely on your own, again. I love that you love. Sometimes carefully but deeply. I love that you are generally satisfied with what you do have, but still ambitious enough to want more. I love that you are taking this time to do things that really make you happy, instead of feeling the need to whore yourself out. I love that you are taking the time to just be single. To just be with yourself and to love yourself more everyday. P.S I know you aren’t making enough money, but you are making more than ever before. You haven’t found your ONE and only Valentine-love, but you are finding more love than you’ve ever found before. Little scraps of it, in every person you’ve met. Everyone has something to give. and I know you have something to give them, too. Make sure you always embrace your authenticity, From yourself –Laskmy, New York, NY

You’re fabulous. You’re undeniably amazing and not to mention, gorgeous. You have the ability to make the best out of every situation. You have the courage to keep fighting for the love that one day will come. Every morning you are reminded to be your own kind of beautiful…. No where does it say valentines day has to be spent with a man so go out with friends you love and embrace your friendships!! Keep on being you, because no one can be youer than you. Kill ’em girl! – Katie, Cleveland, Ohio

Remember in grade school when you gave Valentine’s to every kid in your class, no matter what? When it was all about the candy, and the stickers and heart shaped erasers from your teachers, and flowers from mum and dad? Remember when it was about friendship, and kindness, and respect, and all those little things that make love, L♥VE?! I love that you keep that spirit alive, even now, and I love your heart. –Jasmin

Dear Me, Although I know you know, I just wanted to say that on this romantic day, you are quite romance-less. Tonight, you won’t be cooking a dinner for two or showing off sexy lingerie or making love in the candle light. But the most important part about this romance-that-doesn’t-exist is the fact that you still have so much love in your life in spite of it. Your friends would do anything for you, your family loves you more than words can say and you love all of them too. You don’t have romance this Valentine’s Day but even so, you have more love now than you know what to do with. You’ve been in love before. You’ll fall in love again. And read this when you do – it will remind you that love was never something you gave up on. HappyValentine’s Day! – Renee, Asheville, NC

To my dearest self: While you may be rather crazy and head strong at times, you’re pretty awesome. Even though this year has been pretty rough with lots of changes and unforeseen trials, you’re still holding your head up high, being you and taking it all in stride. You may be surprised at the strength you’ve grown to possess– but you shouldn’t be. It’s been there all along. Your fiance may be a bazillion miles away this Valentines Day, but you’re going to have a pretty awesome day anyway because you don’t rely on anyone else for your happiness. Rock on, sister (err..or self?)! –Nikki, Florida

Dear Kristin (aka gorgeous), You are perfect in every way. I love your inability to stop talking about things you are passionate about for long periods of time, and I certainly don’t mind pretending I haven’t already heard your stories just so that I can hear them again. I also love shopping with you, watching “The Notebook” (thirty-three times, but who’s counting?), testing out the latest recipes with you, quoting bad movie lines and letting you dress me (seriously, I used to look like an episode of “What Not to Wear”). Most of all, I love sleeping without covers, so keep stealing ’em (just like you stole my heart). I will love you forever, Cuddlebear –Kristin, New York, NY

February 13, 2012 by Lindsay Tigar - 0 comments

Last Day! Write a Valentine To Yourself

Last day to submit:

I was amazed with how many Valentine’s were sent last year from all over the world. Your touching words, your kind sentiments and the way you expressed all the things you hope for, as well as all the things that make you so beautiful – were incredible. I hope you will take a moment to write a Valentine about all the things you love about yourself, all the things in the future you can’t wait to experience and what self-love means to you. I’ll publish your words – along with a link to your blog, if you blog – on Valentine’s Day. Or if you’d rather be anonymous, that’s fine too.

Go here to submit your Valentine. You deserve it. Tell me how sweet it is to be loved by you.

February 6, 2012 by Lindsay Tigar - 5 Comments

Save The Date: We Want Sex Twitter Party

For those of you who don’t know, I’m the Associate Editor for NBC’s property, iVillage.com of the Pregnancy/Parenting and Love/Sex channels. Seriously, check it out anytime, you’ll love it.

We’re hosting a Twitter party this Wednesday to talk about a super-steamy, super-incredible topic: sex. And I want you to join in the discussion.

It’s really simple. At 9 p.m., log into Twitter. Follow iVillage on Twitter. Answer the questions and chime in your own opinions, using #WeWantSex.

Comment below if you’ll be joining in! Can’t wait to hear from you guys, I’ll be tweeting from my Twitter, @loveaddictnyc.

Tweet you there.

February 1, 2012 by Lindsay Tigar - 6 Comments

Mr. Smith & the Little Notebook

In the heart of the Flat Iron District, right across from the building itself is a lovely place called Eataly.

It’s carved right out of the streets of Venice, with bright colors and even richer smells peppered about the establishment that entices passerbys, tourists and New Yorkers to take a stroll. There are cappuccinos and gelato, fresh cheeses and a wide selection of wine, along with truffle oil priced at $20 for an ounce or so. It’s fancy and expensive, filled with items I’d never buy for my kitchen, but treats I easily indulge in while I’m in the area.

But this night, my interest was piqued somewhere else. I didn’t give into the temptation of the double-chocolate cannolis and I kindly nodded against the samples of freshly baked bread with pesto dipping sauce. I looked away from the aisles filled with cooking knick-knacks that I could imagine myself using while wearing a silky black dress and expensive heels to match my expensive taste. But in that fantasy, I’m also dark-haired, exotic and tanned — not an Irish descendant with brown hair, blue eyes and cheeks that freckle in the sun.

In reality, I was waiting here to meet someone with similar hair and eyes but a foot taller. I nervously waited his arrival, still rather unsettled on my impression, and eager to see why he picked this location for our third date. I wondered if I haphazardly mentioned my obsession with all-things Italian or if it showed in my hips that devilishly trick me into picking pasta over salad nine times out of ten. When his name lit up in my phone, I figured out that, yet again, we were in different places at the same time. On our first date – a Sunday brunch that didn’t end until 10:30 in the evening – we went to separate locations of the same restaurant (I to the original, he to the one most convenient to me — woops). And here we were again, standing at different entrances, probably curious as to why the other is late. Perhaps we were both right on time, but with opposing opinions of where to stand. Isn’t that the case with most encounters that end up mattering?

I found him on the other side and we walked until he picked the beer garden on top of Eataly – something I meant to do this summer, but failed to accomplish. In the winter, it sparkles with white lights, and proved to be surprisingly toasty via heat lamps. As we bantered our way through the menu, ordered a bottle of red wine based merely because it was on special, I listened intently. His stories are feathered at the edges — full of variations in his tone, subtle grins here-and-there and blushing with character. But as much as he moved his hands at dinner or carelessly made light of himself, I could tell he had his ear on me.

Maybe I was biased after he promised his memory was better than mine while walking by the Plaza our first date. Or the fact he actually remembered my preference for orange juice on our second date when we stopped by McDonald’s after my first improv show in the city. Nevertheless, watching his lips as I tried to pay attention to his thoughts as much as I battled my desire to kiss him – I knew that he was taking me in. And more so, he was paying attention.

And this knowledge made me nervous.

I am always the one making observations, it is after all, part of the job of a writer to note other people. The only way I’m able to pen what I do is because I’m continuously anxious to discover the story behind strangers or the loves I know best. But to have my stomach know better than my heart that this new guy was absorbing everything I said (and did) – was rather fascinating. Maybe I’m a little jaded from the revolving door of dudes who don’t live up to expectations, yet thrive on being disappointments – but I was surprised to find a man who actually listened.

And more astonishing, asked more questions than I did. Now, that’s a definite first.

As the check came and went, along with my level-head due to the velvet red wine I happily consumed, I looked across our cozy rod-iron table and thought: what in the world can come out of that mouth next?

I have a present for you, he said, sipping the last bit left in his glass. From Staples. I quizzed him in silence, wrapping my finger around the side of my water, trying to break eye contact, but finding it impossible. Out of his jacket pocket he pulled a notebook no bigger than my hand. You said you like to people watch, right? But you never have a notebook on you. Let’s people watch. Write down anything that comes to mind.

Speechless, I looked down at the notebook – black, with a pink side. Here’s a pen, he continued. Unable to stop smiling – with teeth, not a calculated grin – I met his eyes, only to find him pulling out another notebook. And this is for me to do the same. Or when I notice things about you.

And there, in one of my favorite places in this big city, we started writing: what we saw at the tables near us, the views we witnessed outside the cascading wall of windows, the questions that sat in the eyes of the soul sitting across from us. We wrote for five minutes (per his instructions), and then we bar hopped. Every once in a while, he’d bring out that notebook and he’d write something, and though he let me read a bit of it at the end of the night, I’m sorry to report my tipsy self was too buzzed to remember much.

Friday is our 7th date (though he says our 8th because the first was blissfully long), and I’ve been trying to think of a name for him since the day he gave me the notebook. He suggested up more than a few ideas, none of which were suitable to him, though he’d probably beg to differ. I thought about Mr. Something – because something is different about him, Mr. Sincerity – since that’s the best word I can use to describe him thus far, Mr. Grin – because that’s what he does the most, but none of them worked in the way my super-critical writing mind thinks, until last night.

When, out of the blue, for no merited reason at all, he sent me a quote that happens to be one of my all-time favorite quotes from my favorite author. He knew of my preferred author, but not of those words. But really that’s one of the things I like the most about him – his words. They are crafted with care, said at the right moment and sometimes strikingly similar to things that have mattered to me that he doesn’t know the reason why, yet. Perhaps he tries or maybe it comes naturally – but like me, he’s a wordsmith. One that doesn’t depend on trickery but on strings tied directly to the heart.

Especially since he knew after two dates that more than I need bandaids and lipstick, receipts from weeks ago and pennies I found on the street, I need a notebook with me, wherever I go. You know, when I notice things about strangers. Or about Mr. Smith.

PS: I was amazed with how many Valentine’s were sent last year from all over the world. Your touching words, your kind sentiments and the way you expressed all the things you hope for, as well as all the things that make you so beautiful – were incredible. I hope you will take a moment to write a Valentine about all the things you love about yourself, all the things in the future you can’t wait to experience and what self-love means to you. I’ll publish your words – along with a link to your blog, if you blog – on Valentine’s Day. Or if you’d rather be anonymous, that’s fine too.

Go here to submit your Valentine. You deserve it. Tell me how sweet it is to be loved by you.

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