I want to meet someone.
Those five words lingered in my head, even as I tried to ignore that they were there. I distracted myself with thoughts of other things and by making to-do lists in my head. I pretended this desire wasn’t bubbling beneath me — but as I sat, overlooking the Hudson with Lucy fast-asleep in puppy dreamland in Riverside Park on Sunday — I couldn’t stop the message my heart sent to my mind.
I want to meet someone.
Though powerful and constant — it’s not a helpless feeling or a dissatisfied longing. It’s different than it was years ago. I don’t feel like something is missing or part of me is still void — I’m not lusting after every man I see or pulling strings and squinting my eyes to make it work with every dude who buys me dinner. I feel no rush and no pressure, no need to speed along a road that I’m not sure how to navigate yet. I don’t believe it’s impossible to find happiness and I do believe I’m meant for a long-term love– and still. Still – after (many) failed relationships, hundreds of blogs debating where I stand on love and loveless and loving, endless conversations with my ever-so patient friends– I still want it.
I still want to fall in love.
But the craving has changed. It’s not wistful and romantic (well, only a little). I’m not looking to be completed or rescued. I’m not hoping to make a married man out of a guy who doesn’t even like to date or is totally emotionally unavailable. I’m not making myself something I’m not so I can be granted the so-called coveted title of girlfriend.
Instead– I want to meet someone… like me?
Someone with a heart that often feels too big for his chest. Someone who can see the good — the possible — in every part of his life, and especially with me. With us. Someone who captivates me, pulls me close and lets me fly. I want to meet someone who accepts himself and does what he can to understand the world. Someone who likes to read and run, travel and learn — explore and make mistakes, dream and slow down. Someone who makes me want to be a better me and be part of a better we than he has before. I want to meet someone who knows how to love– who wants love— who may be afraid of it, but tries it anyway. Who knows how important it is. Someone who has goals for himself and plans he will break for the right thing, the right person, the right place – the right time. Someone who is happy with the someone and the something and the somewhere he is.
I want to meet someone who likes the way the city rests on Sundays and how it’s the perfect day to wake up late, make love and eat pancakes. Someone who wants a family just as much as they want an amazing, fulfilling career, and knows you’ll never be able to be perfect at either. I want to meet who thinks about his future further than Saturday night and deeper than one night stands and tequila shots in Murray Hill. Someone who wants to try new things but also likes to be a regular at places he can’t and won’t stop going to. Someone who knows how to kiss without being rough and knows that love isn’t always enough– but it’s always worth whatever it brings or makes you learn.
I want to meet someone who challenges me and yet, makes me feel comfortable in my running clothes, without any makeup, without any hesitations. Someone who wants to know what I know, who wants to see the town I grew up in. Who can’t wait to share a beer with my dad or go on a walk with my mom. Someone who comes from a place I admire and has a laugh I long to hear. Touch I want to feel. I want to meet someone who is strong enough to stand next to me and sweet enough to let me fall into him when I need it. Or even when I don’t, but want it. Someone who remembers the things I say and can hear the things I don’t, someone who will be there today, tomorrow – always. I want to meet someone who wouldn’t want to be anywhere else but here, with me. (And Lucy.)
I want to meet someone.
Someone out there in this big city, living on some street I’ve crossed a million times, taking some train at the same time, thinking about when he would meet… someone like me.
Hmm, I haven’t gotten to this point yet, but I can relate. I hope you meet someone and soon. You deserve it.
Lindsay, I think what you’re ready for is the next big thing in your life – the big love. You’ve finished school, you moved to your dream city, have an amazing career (which will just keep growing!), you have wonderful friends, an adorable little pup. You’re exactly where you need to be, and it’s natural to want (and be ready for) the next step – to “settle down” so to speak. It’ll happen darlin’!
I’ve been feeling like this lately as well. I think it’s a good place to be at because as you said- it’s not wanting someone because you feel incomplete or need to be rescued. You’re simply… ready. I hope we both find our someones.
Am also ready to meet someone who we are like minded n we want the same things in life and very compatible….am ready for love. I cant wait to meet him n grow old together :-).
Reblogged this on lifeloveandliz and commented:
I too want to meet someone :))
Wow you wrote this in such a way that I could feel the need and want, but also how you know exactly what you want from your next someone, you’ve highlighted somethings I’ve told myself what my next someone’s going to be like.
If fate has it lined up you will find him when its the perfect and right time.
Just found your blog…your words spoke to me in a way that no other passage has…I feel exactly like this…just never could have put it into words the way you did…you are an amazing writer Lindsay!
I know how you feel – the desire to want, to grow together. To progress and evolve, to open your eyes and see the world from different eyes..I know and I want to meet someone too
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I used to walk places, often far far away from my loved ones. I did so because i loved returning to hugs and smiles and questions of my travels. Always short times I would be away; no matter they’d act the same. Sometimes you just need to see someone you haven’t seen in awhile. Make sure they don’t know your coming and drop in. Ill guarantee you a smile and a story. i loved reading your piece and looking forward to more. Thanks a wave. your friend Searles
… thank you .. for putting words to thought .. :-)..
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