I Tried That 36 Questions That Lead to Love Experiment And…

In the 12 hours after that New York Times Modern Love blog came out about the 36 questions that can make you fall in love with anyone, ten people sent the article to me. Basically the premise is this: You’re supposed to meet with a stranger, ask each other this list of questions – which are grouped into three sets – and then stare lovingly into one another’s eyes for four whole minutes. (You can blink – I think?) Twenty years ago, psychologist Arthur Aron put two straight people in a room in a lab, had them ask each other these questions, do the whole creepy stare-thing, and six months later they were married. (Wow!)

I was intrigued enough to try it myself.


I went through my recent Tinder matches and selected a few gentlemen I’d actually be interested in meeting in person (not just the ones that I swiped “right” on under the influence of wine). After a few matches, a tall, normal-seeming dude responded and was up for the challenge. Before we met, we promised not to look over the questions, so apart from when I first read the article, I didn’t take a peek. For obvious reasons – and three years of pretty ridiculous dating in New York – I was excited to see if something so seemingly simple could work.

But when I saw him walking up to the coffee shop for our date, I knew instantly I wasn’t attracted to him. Per the usual rules of online dating, 6-foot-tall meant 5’9”. And the broad shoulders that appeared in photos, shrunk in person. But probably the biggest disappointment was his voice: it wasn’t sexy or manly or even the voice I wanted to hear for the next two hours, much less the rest of my life.

But I had committed to trying the experiment, so with visions of magical questions turning an ‘okay’ guy into The One for me, we begun the inquisition:

To find out how the experiment went… check out the rest of the post on YourTango.

It’s that time of year again! Write a self-love letter to yourself and you could win something pretty amazing.

3 thoughts on “I Tried That 36 Questions That Lead to Love Experiment And…

  1. Hmm, 36 questions. My first three long relationships were with women I met at work, and had lunch with as part of a group. Rarely anything too personal revealed for weeks, but small opportunities of insights into character and personality that led to growing interest. A setting in which it is not do or die dating. Some are cool to have lunch with. Someone can be that someone you want to spend a whole lot of time with.

    You like to travel. Consider a travel club, or an adventure club, or an adventure travel club. A bloggers meet-up. Some of these organize via the meet-up, for example of a list: http://www.meetup.com/find/?allMeetups=false&keywords=travel&radius=10&userFreeform=Manhattan%2C+New+York%2C+USA&mcId=c10001&sort=default .

    I am glad I am playing volleyball and practicing archery with big groups. Mostly single, wrong age range but oh, well. At least I am having fun, am a regular, people know my name, see me improve, be helpful. I know by name, at least, a good 60 people. The younger ones all hangout together a lot. If in such things, you might, too. Expand that world.

  2. Pingback: I’m Not Afraid Anymore |

  3. Pingback: Dear Future Children: I Hope You Remember This About Finding Love |

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