It’s because of my Moon in Scorpio, according to my mother. It’s because I don’t see how truly beautiful I really am, according to my father. It’s because I don’t pay attention to men who walk past me on the street, according to my friends. It’s because, maybe, I’m just not attractive, according to my self-defeating mentality.
Regardless of whom is right (if at all) – I’m admittedly a very jealous person. And I always compare myself to every single woman I see.
I don’t think it matters where you are – New York City or North Carolina – there will always be pretty girls. There are the girls who have the best fashion sense you could ever dream of and always seem to know what to wear now, and anticipate what to wear next. There are the girls who have kick-ass bodies and yet still eat greasy cheeseburgers and Snickers, and never go above a size 2. There are the girls who have beautiful, flawless skin with rosy cheeks that just naturally radiate without any makeup whatsoever. There are the girls who have sleek long hair that’s super soft and looks great even when it’s pouring. There are the girls who have perfectly sculpted and long, lean legs that look amazing in everything.
Now, I always think: I’m not any of these girls.
I think: I’m a petite, just-about 5’4” 20-something who still looks like a teen-something. I work out five days a week to maintain a curvy (and hopefully thin) figure. My skin is very far from flawless and I hate wearing makeup, but feel the need to do it anyways. I wish I could dress more New Yorkish, but I don’t have the money or the attitude (and I can’t give up my Southern roots). My hair isn’t frizzy, but it also doesn’t grow, and when it rains, I might as well bury myself under a hat (which I don’t own). And as for my legs, well – I do love my heels.
Now, I’m not complaining and I sincerely don’t think I’m unattractive – but I also know that I’m not perfect (and I also know those girls are not perfect either) I am an all-American girl who has flaws and things that make her lovely, too. I know my qualities and my pitfalls, and for the most part I accept them.
But, there is always this nagging little thought in the back of my head when I do walk by a girl I’m jealous of:
Why would a guy ever pick me when he can have her?
Now, with my new found confidence and overcoming love-addiction mission, I have shifted my thinking to be a little more rational. I do remind myself that looks aren’t everything, that while all humans are a tad superficial (c’mon, you know it), a pretty face or smokin’ body won’t keep someone interested forever. I do remind myself that I don’t even know these women and they could be a not-so-great-catch and just have been blessed with looks. I do remind myself that guys also look at me – and regardless if they do or if they don’t, I still know what I have to offer, and that’s all that should matter.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It is so difficult not to compare yourself to other girls. It is so hard to not turn my head down when a more attractive woman gets on the train. It is so hard to go out with friends who you know are ten times more beautiful than you are – and if I’m being honest, it’s hard to friends with super-model-look-alikes in the first place.
Does that make me petty and ridiculous? Absolutely. Does it make me human and a typical girl who judges herself? Of course.
Certainly, I should never tell myself I’m not worthy of someone’s attention or affection. They may be able to have the other girl walking by and she may turn their head longer – but I have something that no one will ever have. And that’s me.
It is only when we officially accept who we – imperfections, beauty, and all that’s in between – that we are even close to being ready to share it with someone else.
So you, whoever you are reading this, go right now, and look in the mirror (I’m not joking), and tell yourself (out loud!) that you’re beautiful.
Because you are. Without a doubt.
You may also find that the man you end up with won’t find the same women attractive that you do. I was in shock when my husband told me that he didn’t think my friend, who all the girls at the office thought was a gorgeous southern beauty who could make anyone smile, wasn’t pretty. Not even remotely attractive. I couldn’t believe it. But in his eyes, beauty is what is natural. He hates make-up, he hates dyed hair and he hates anything that is fake. So to him he truly would rather have me first thing in the morning with bed head, sleepy eyes and nothing but what God gave me on instead of a dressed to the nines, fully made up, bottle blonde. When you find that special someone they most likely will only have eyes for you!
For years I have struggled with my eating behavior and I read this book about a Christian artist who struggled with the same disease and one of the excercises in that book was to look in the mirror and tell yourself “I am me and I am beautiful” :)
Glad to know I’m not all alone. I possess the same thoughts, my dear. Affirmations actually do help!
If we all are truly a mirror of each other and we can’t see a quality in another unless we have the same quality ourself, then every time we say someone is “beautiful” we are really saying “I am beautiful and so are you”!
This was amazing.
Pingback: Dearly Beloved….I’m Afraid I Don’t « Confessions of a Love Addict