Happy Valentine’s Day, addicts! I’m thrilled to publish Confessions of a Love Addict’s 4th Annual Self-Love Letters! I’m so impressed with everyone’s beautiful words and affirmations. Regardless if you’re single, in a relationships, still sleeping with your ex, on the verge of a breakup, getting ready to start a new love affair, married or any other stage – today and always, never forget just how wonderful you are.
Love begins with yourself and then can grow in so many amazing ways.
I’ll announce the winner of the giveaway on Monday, so make sure to check back then to see if you’ve won. I hope this Valentine’s Day brings you as much love as all of you have given me for the past three-and-a-half years. To the love ahead and to the love we’ve already found! xo
Dear Lindsay darling,
If someone would have told you just how much you would change in the past year, you wouldn’t have believed them. From the outside – everything looks pretty much the same: you have a steady job, you live in your prized Upper West Side apartment, you still have incredible friends and yes, you’re still rockin’ that single status. But inside – you’ve become this incredible, optimistic, lovely force that is so brave, you surprise yourself.
But it hasn’t been easy. In fact, it’s been really hard.
You’re no stranger to hard work – it’s how you’ve gotten everything you wanted: to live in New York, to work in media, to establish a life for yourself far, far away from the Southern home that raised you to be kind-hearted and brazen. I’m so proud of your grit and your smile as you get through it. Last year your company crumbled, your father battled cancer and struggled through recovery, your friendships changed and you finally put Mr. Possibility back in the past where he belonged all along. Through it all, you cried a lot. You became frustrated and frazzled, disappointed and disheartened. There were times when all you wanted to do was pack up your bags and move somewhere far, far away where you wouldn’t have to face anything anymore. You had never considered giving up, not even once, in your 25 bright years, but what you wanted more than anything was for something to give.
But on a snowy day in December as you rummaged through your thoughts and felt your hope drifting away yet again, you realized you had a choice: to be happy or to not be. And somewhere down in your mini-little-pit of despair, you found that sparkle that’s always made you, you. And you decided to stop waiting to your life to change, for something big and bright to come along and sweep you away. You stopped waiting on the universe to rescue you – and instead, you rescued yourself.
And though you’re only six weeks into the year – I’m so amazed at how much your perspective has changed. You feel like your bubbly, beautiful, energetic self again. Your heart is open to possibilities and love, your mind is overflowing with new ideas and new dreams you didn’t know you had until you made them. You’re taking better care of your body and your bank account than you ever have before. You are a better friend with a better listening ear, trying to put the needs of others before your own. And with dating? You’re doing it. But it’s not the source of your happiness and you’re so thankful that you don’t have to rely on a man to find joy in your life.
There will be times when you forget all of these wonderful, impressive, sweet truths. There will be moments when everything feels like it’s crumbling all around you again. You’ll cry. You’re get infuriated. You’ll feel like you’re screaming in the middle of a crowded subway cart and no one can hear you. But when you do, I hope you remember these words straight from your own mouth:
You are a one-in-million woman. You are full of goodness and beauty, and your heart is so vast, you don’t even realize how loving you are. You make people feel special. You make them feel like they matter. You are encouraging and vibrant, and trust me, you do not go unnoticed. As you’ve been figuring out – nothing is going to be perfect. Nothing will go according to plan. But you, my darling firecracker of a Tigar, you will always find a way. And that love you’ve been aching for, that special feeling that has felt so absent for so long – it won’t be gone forever. I promise. Try not to worry about it – the best things of your life are still ahead of you. I can’t see them just yet – but I know they’re there. And I definitely know you’ll get there.
Keep sparkling, keep believing, keep that pretty chin up. -Love ya. -Linds
Dear Little Radiant Self who has come into this world with so much,
I bet you thought you would never be here, right? I bet you thought that the journey you worked so hard through would never end, right? If you look back to your life two years ago, I bet you are saying to yourself, “wow I am completely unrecognizable”, but all for the best. Because now you have finally found the best in you. All those beautiful parts that have been hidden and bruised for so long. That scared little butterfly which has been waiting to spread its wings is now ready to fly. Congratulations little radiant self for making it through such incredible times of adversity and finally growing into the woman you’ve always wanted to be. The woman who you love so deeply because you’ve fought to become her. The woman who doesn’t care that it will soon be Valentines Day and could possibly be dateless. That dateless woman who no longer needs a man to define her worth. The one who sees relationships as gifts, and not as needs. Roses as things, and chocolates as extra added pounds that she rather waste on a hearty bowl of pasta while enjoying wine with her best friends on a Saturday night. The friends who have stood by your side to watch you grow and never forgot to remind you along the way that eventually you would be exactly where you are. The universe has promised you that this journey would not be in vain, and you would have everything you need.
So this Valentines Day, whether there is a man or not, I ask that you celebrate the truest and greatest love of all; the one you have reinvented with yourself. And whenever you feel the urge to dwell on the past, relinquish it, smile and remember what it has taught you. And even better, how it has prepared you to be ready for the love you are seeking, and that it is finally your time for the universe to bring it to you. Not only on Valentines Day, but this year in general is where you will reap the rewards of all those difficult lessons you’ve battled. You know, the ones that you questioned what the purpose was? Well now you know.
So dear little radiant and beautiful self, I hope this Valentine’s Day you will celebrate the gift of love, respect it, own it, nurture it, and value it. Because after all, you created it. Love, Me. -Beautiful Optimist
Wow. We are almost thirty and who would have thought that we would be here. We’ve been through a lot the last few years but we have come out of the darkness stronger and brighter than I could have ever imagined us being. The last few years were especially dark and painful, but you’ve come out even stronger then even I realized you could be. You will continue to become a stronger woman and person in your own skin. Your internal beauty will start coming out more and more and you will continue to light up the room with your infectious personality and smile. You know you are not broken maybe a bit bruised at times, but you continually smile through any pain this growing stronger daily. You have realized that happiness is something only you can control. You will find someone that wants to share in making you happy and likes making your face light up the room. You are not lonely and never will be, your family loves you and so do your friends, you will find your special someone when you least expect it and all your hidden dreams will become reality. I will always love you and will always have your best interests at heart even if you don’t see it at the time. -Love, Stephanie
My dear miss…
You are amazing and I love you with all my heart as you are now, unconditionally. You don’t have to be better, you have to be as you are just because you are really great. -With love, ME.
I am so proud of who you are and what you stand for. You are beautiful and you are doing a good job of believing that about yourself more and more each year. You are very smart and you are good at your job. You don’t often give yourself enough credit either, especially at work. You have good ideas and you are very creative. You are very lucky to have such a wonderful husband who appreciates you and makes you a better person. You have so many of the good qualities of your parents and I know you will be a great mom one day. You have really done better for the past 6 months with anxiety and worrying too much. You should be proud of that. You are thoughtful and funny. This year has been such a good one- you finally moved back west! It took living 5 hours away from your husband for 5 months, which was much harder than you thought it would be, but you got through it. You both made sacrifices to make the life you want to have and now it’s here. You’re back home and you’re about to buy a house. Every year you grow up a little more without really noticing. So take the time to congratulate yourself and reflect upon the accomplishments of your life. You are happy, secure and loved, and you have worked very hard to get here. Happy Valentines Day! –Love, Summer, Boone, North Carolina
I’d like to take a moment to acknowledge the absolutely kick ass job you’ve done in the past year of being good to yourself. It took a while for you to embrace this concept; to realize that it’s not being “selfish” to make decisions that enhance your mental and emotional well-being.
Although you’ve second-guessed letting go of “that one”, know that it was truly in both of your best interests to walk away from something that was only perfect because that’s the way he — and you — wanted it to appear. You knew better, and it was brave to walk away this time, before it became something that hardened you once again.
Thanks for opening up your mind and allowing yourself to enjoy life, embrace new things, and push yourself further than you’ve ever done. Sure, you’ve still got work to do, but the transformation has been impressive thus far.
Here’s to more new adventures. More trips to places as far as Mexico and New Orleans, and as near as your new favorite fragrance shop. More spoiling yourself, but in moderation (let’s not forget your physical and financial health in the process). Here’s to loving more and needing less… of anything, anyone and EVERYTHING.
Until next time, keep up the great work, and remember to appreciate the value in each day, each moment, and each person who comes into your life. It’s all worth it… I promise. -Love, Me.
I don’t want you to think that you can’t do anything. That little voice inside of your head may be telling you that the goal you want to reach is too far or too out of your comfort zone, but it’s not. “You can” are the two words that should always be on your mind. Whenever you start thinking about the negative and heart-breaking things that happened in the past, remember those two words.
I remember those times when you lost yourself and didn’t want to be around other people for weeks after a horrible breakup. I’m glad you finally faced those feelings and became the person you are today. You are stronger and smarter than you give yourself credit for. You are worthy of a relationship full of admiration, happiness, and laughter at all times. He didn’t realize your worth and never will. You always seem to be reeled back into seeing him for a night-time rendezvous but anytime the past is brought up, he refuses to acknowledge he did anything wrong. Doesn’t that seem wrong to you? Unless by some godly intervention, he might change but he has dimmed your light far too dark. You can do better. You’re the Queen of your own life. You are cherished, admired, strong, divine, amazing, beautiful and fabulous.
You know what I love about you? You have confidence and yet you deny having any self-confidence at all. The fact that you can walk into a restaurant and be okay with treating yourself to dinner and not think twice that you’re all alone sitting at a booth for two, enjoying reading the paper and catching up on your emails. Though you may not think that you can move to a different city or take that campaign job that you’ve been offered that’s going to take double the work of any other campaign you’ve ever worked on, you can. You’ve always leaned on people to help you out when you’re not sure of the right decision. What you don’t realize is that you just need someone that you trust to back up the decision you’ve already made.
For this Valentines Day go be with your sisters that you’ve kept in touch with these past two years since you’ve graduated. Don’t talk about why you don’t have someone to hold your hand or buy you flowers that are going to die in a few days anyways, talk about what you’re worth and how far you’ve come since those mighty four college years. Your sorority sisters took the oath with you, almost like marriage, to be there through thick and thin. You’ve been there for them when they moved into their new house, gotten engaged and then married, gotten into graduate school, and started a job they love. You’ve also become a stronger more independent person than I think you realize. This past year and a half you went through the ringer with your family when you lost your grandfather, uncle, and grandmother. Your grandmother was your inspiration and the reason why you were holding back from leaving the city that you grew up in, for a job. She would be proud of you for fighting for the common man through the political process and taking a stand on an issue that isn’t always popular. She is telling you now, from heaven above, that you can aspire to do or be anything.
Lastly, enjoy life. Be the fabulous person that you are and don’t let anything hold you back. You can. I love you. -RJW, North Carolina
You are beautiful. Your heart makes you beautiful. It speaks to the world. Having a conversation with you, a stranger wouldn’t be able to guess the amount of pain, stress, loss and helplessness that you have felt and still do sometimes. Your big smile and your kind eyes tell a different story. They don’t tell a sad story about a girl who’s family is broken, who never felt supported while pursuing her passion, who sheltered her little sister because her parents were to caught up in themselves to, who experienced three big losses in a matter of months, but who was never allowed to grieve. But rather the stories your eyes, smile and sweet personality tell is one of redemption and perseverance. You’re stronger, wiser, more cautious, and a thousand times more loving because of it all. While the past wasn’t the best, it’s over. The way you learned and grew because of that is what the world sees. The world sees your heart shine through in everything you do and it inspires not only me, but it inspires everyone around you. Stay incredible, my love. Stay beautiful. -Love you forever, Your Glitter Diary
Dear Younger Me,
I know you’re being picked on and teased right now. And I know how rough it is, when all you want to do is please everyone. It can feel like no matter how hard you try…you just can’t seem to be good enough.
Well, I’m writing to tell you that you ARE good enough. I’m not going to lie to you – life doesn’t get easier by any means. But you are a tough, smart, and loving girl. And the people that are picking on you right now? They don’t go anywhere in life. But you will. You will find yourself, and start learning to love yourself. And you deserve it. Don’t ever think that you don’t deserve someone’s kindness, affection, or love.
And one more thing…I want you to remember the kindness and optimism that you have in your heart right now. Hold onto it, cherish it, and never let it go. The world will kick you down sometimes, but that childlike love of the world is what will help you get back up again (over and over). You’re going to be tempted to turn cold, to shut people out, and to scoff at that kindness in your heart. Instead, remember what I’ve said, get back up, and try again with a smile on your face.
You can do this. I know you can. I love you. -ThatCollegeGirl
You are beautiful. Take those special moments when you realized that you are just a glimmer of that person that used to think so many negative things. You have been through more than most people can say, and are a confident and strong woman. Remember that moment at the lake when he had to stop and what he was doing just to say how beautiful you are and know you deserve it. Remember all those little moments where you looked in the mirror and all that hard work paid off. You are smart, you are beautiful, and you are a force of nature all by yourself. Being with someone only improves you by making each one of you want to be even better person, and that is always your goal. -Eternally Single Kelly
2013 did a number on your heart and emotions. Remember: if they want you there, they’ll put you there. Sex does not equal love. And it’s okay if you turn guys down because they’re not your type or you’re just not interested. Don’t beat yourself up; he was nice but you’re not physically attracted to him and that’s okay. Friends might be more of what you need right now anyway. Make sure you love yourself enough for everyone because they might not always say it back wen you do. This is your year, darling. You’re leaving the dead-end job, going back to school, and pursuing something that ACTUALLY interests you. I’ve never been prouder. You’re absolutely stunning in every way. Open your eyes to that more often. I promise, you’ll thank me later ;) -Love, Danielle
This is a love letter. And because I love you, I need to tell you some things–and I need for you to listen closely instead of putting up your regular walls to hide away from things that are disturbing. You need to take better care of yourself. You need to learn how to slow down and focus more on being happy rather than being productive. You need to spend time and energy on being nicer to your partner, in particular. You can’t love someone more than anyone else in the world and then treat them as anything less than that—it’s not fair for them to suffer because of your bad behavior, and it’s not fair to you to miss out on any possible moment of happiness with them. Life is short, as you have learned the hard way over the past three years. Instead of trying to make the most of every second with busyness, try breathing deeply and focusing more on intentionally showing love to your partner instead of conquering your to-do lists.
2014 is going to be a great year, but it requires work on your part. Not by doing “things”—you’re great at getting “things” done. Your work will be with your heart, spirit, and mind. Work on learning to not immediately compartmentalize information. Work on slowing down at home. Work on relaxing, Work on trusting your partner completely. Work on being thankful, and considering everything that your partner does as extra rather than something that is expected—because if you continue to hold practically impossible standards for yourself and let that bleed into your expectations of your partner too, then you will never be satisfied. A partnership is more than just sharing to-do lists, after all.
Thank you for listening, Self. I love you very much. You are beautiful, and kind, and worthy of this letter. Please take the time to reflect on what I have told you today, and put my suggestions into practice. They will benefit you, and those around you, I promise. -Sincerely, Self
Hey there, darling.
Another year, another time to reflect on what this year has meant for your heart, and why you continue to fall deeper & deeper in love with the woman you’re becoming. This year has given you so many firsts–buying your first home with your partner, adopting your first cat, seeing Beyoncé in concert for the first time, traveling to many states and cities, and selling your first item on your new etsy shop, and so much more. And these opportunities are presented to you not because you’re lucky–they happen because you deserve them. You work hard. You’re a great partner. You are responsible. You care for others madly and deeply, and the universe continues to reward you. Stop being so worried that it’s being stacked against you just to tumble down–enjoy it. Embrace the good fortune in your life and celebrate all the wonderful people you get so share it with. Rejoice in your good health, strong runners legs, dynamite body, talents, skills, and community. You deserve all of it.
I am so proud of you and your strength. You knew what you needed, and you did it. You were resilient. And now, you reap the benefits. Hell yes.
Enjoy your evening of lobster and Valentines Day episodes of 30 Rock with the love of your life–you both truly deserve every moment you have worked so hard to enjoy together.
I love you, and know the future is so bright. Lets do it, boo. -Michelle, Asheville, NC
You voluptuous vision of greatness! How the heck did you get so fine? Must be all the veggie eating, water drinking, and exercising. Thank you for loving yourself enough to take care of what’s necessary and pave the way for yourself to have a happier, healthier life. By loving yourself, you’re treating yourself better and ensuring a healthier future. Way to go, girlfriend! Even though you’ve got a ways to go, keep shaking your groove thang at Zumba and running like a gazelle on the elliptical. And for the love of all good in the world, thank you for breaking up with Self-Pity, Emotional Eating, Fat Shaming. Those three were hardcore Bitches. Isn’t it better to love you for you? -Love always, Mrs. Healthy Ever After
Everyone has a time in there life where they encounter a feeling if depression, loneliness, regret and guilt. Endureing those “what if” moments are never easy and trying to keep your self strong and motivated is easier said than done. This past year and half has been filled with all of those emotions and finding out who my true family and friends are. This year, with a new born. It’s time to love my self… Not only for me but for him. No more regrets. No more what ifs. Now is the time to live for the future and love every moment of life. And be humble and grateful for everything and everyone in your life! This year I love me so I can become the worlds best mother. -Love, Me
Give yourself a break. You’re amazing and you need to start realizing it. Yes, you have things about yourself that you’re unhappy with, but so does everyone. It’s time to start focusing on what makes you so amazing. What do I love about you? Your drive, your passion for helping people, your life goal to try every craft beer ever brewer (seriously, thank you for that one), and I also just love you. You make my day everyday by just being you, and I can’t thank you enough for that. -Love forever, You
We’ve had a love-hate relationship for years, but I have to say, I am so freakin’ proud of you. You worked your butt off in college, and here you are—doing what you first set off to do. But something’s missing, and you’re not just going to settle. You keep pursuing those ever-evolving dreams to finally be at peace, happy, living. You’re going to do it. You’re going to rock it. And it’s inspiring. Now go, and finally take those chances. Your future self will thank you a million times over. -xo, Grace
You’ve learned how to love more this past year. Just when you thought it wasn’t possible, you fell in love deeper with those closest to you, leaving stretch marks on your heart. Having a baby this year changed your heart and soul not to mention your body, but you allowed yourself to heal, to rest, and to trust others, all great challenges for you to overcome.You have never been more determined in your life, so I expect to see great things from you this year. Enjoy your hubby and that new babe this Valentine’s day, you deserve it. -Fatima
Holy Crap Lady.
Over the last couple of week I’ve been trying to think of what to say. I’m not sure I’ll be able to beat the reference number of my last letter to you in 2011. I think instead of the funnies, I’m going to be slightly serious.
I love how you have grown. You’ve been trying to find yourself, but really what you needed to do was to relearn yourself and start to have confidence in all your wonderful qualities again. Frankly, you have a lot of qualities and those who don’t like them can just suck it.
Like for instance, when you get so little sleep you start to giggle, non stop. You can’t do anything about it and there is NOTHING funny to giggle about, but you can’t stop. It’s like suddenly you are making yourself laugh because you know what is happening is completely ridiculous, but you can’t stop what you are doing. Can’t Stop.
I love how you’ve started to become more and more confident in yourself. You know you are beautiful, you know you are more capable of doing things that you think you can’t, you know that you are one hell of a fighter and you know when to stop putting up with stupid crap that you shouldn’t have to deal with. I know you get shy. I know you look at something and think, “Ffs, that’s not something I can do.” I know you look at some of your friends and think, “I love them… I just want to help, they are asking for it, but they don’t really want it,” you can’t help them until they want it. They have to make their own mistakes, so you just stop trying to stop them, because they have their path to go through and you have yours. It’s okay. Paths break apart and path can sometimes come back together. I know you pick out clothing that you’ve never worn because, put it on and think, “I look horrible.” I glad you are getting over by shy, doing the stuff you think you can’t, leaving friends behind that aren’t help you or themselves, and being a little more adventures with colors and clothing style.
I love, you have no idea how much I love this about you, that you have retained the small child in your heart. That you still get excited about things in the world, even if you’ve been through, watch, or done something multiple times. I love that you see feel wonder by things you’ve seen before and NEW things you’ve never seen before. I will always feeling like cheating death, trying to drive up the winding road over by Grandpa’s old house. You wonder if you’ll see the ghost of the witch on the hill behind the forest or lights of an oncoming car and wonder how you’re going to move to the side of the road, when really it’s only a one car road. Disney movies, books turned into movies, books, tulips, your kittens (who aren’t really kittens anymore, but will always be kittens to you), will forever make you so excited and happy you’ll be bouncing around the house for days. You just will. Karaoke will probably ALWAYS scare you shitless, but maybe one day you’ll get back up on the stage by yourself and sing a whole song by yourself without fear, or fearful tears. You can do it.
I know before you were afraid of the future. You were afraid of what was going to happen, how you were going to get back into college, how this or that was going to work out. You felt rushed that you needed to get everything done now, that everything had to happen now or you would disappoint yourself or your mother. I glad, so glad that you’ve relaxed a bit. You know things need to happen, you know you need to get out of the house, you know you need to do this or that… but you don’t feel that rush anymore. Where some people thrive on rushing to do things, that only make you feel anxious and depressed. It’s okay that you can’t do things like other people. I mean, when the hell have you ever thought that you were able to do things at the pace like others can do things? WHEN? I’m so happy and glad you’ve relearned that it’s okay to go at your own pace. You will get things to happen and the things you want to happen will happen.
Last year was filled with so many ups, downs and relearning lessons that you needed to learn. You’ve show the strength that you have always had in yourself, always, and now you’re remembering how to use that strength again. Well, you’ve been using it for awhile without realizing it, but now it’s starting to settle and become a normal use. I love you for that. I love you for reminding me that I’m perfectly imperfect just the way I am. Including all the childness, oddities, “don’t wannas”, fears, and endless happy moments. You are a wonderful, full and bright soul. This life is yours and you get to live it the way you want to.
The hands attached to your body typing this.
The brain making sure you are well encouraged by this.
The smile that is on your face.
The tired eyes that can clearer see these words.
The heart that is full with happy, proud, and giddy feelings that are ready to burst from your chest. -Shay Rae
Hi there! I know you might be feeling lonely right now, so I just wanted to pop in hello. You are strong and beautiful. You can handle anything that life throws at you. So hang in there! Just do your best; it doesn’t have to be perfect. And always remember to love you for being you. -With Love, Emma
It’s been quite a year, hasn’t it? It’s been a year full of challenges and new opportunities. You didn’t end up where you expected but that’s the beauty of this thing called life, right? This past year may not have given you everything you wanted but it taught you so much more. You are smart, funny, and compassionate. You are beautiful. You learned never to settle for less than your deserve. And most importantly you learned to love yourself; flaws included. So stop beating yourself up because you haven’t found “the one” and don’t have it all figured out just yet. Your time will come and someone will come along and appreciate all you have to offer. Don’t settle. Just wait. The best is yet to come! -Emily, Albany, NY
This is the first valentine’s day you will celebrate being in a relationship. I love how you have wrestled with the fear and thoughts of not being good enough and been someone who can love and be loved. Your resilience and being able to hold on during the toughest times is something that is truly amazing. I only wish you had the strength to get up and walk away from a relationship that is not right for you. maybe it will happen today, tomorrow or on Valentine’s day-whenever it finally happens, I hope you will let this person go in love and remember that you will love again and it will be magnificent. Happy Valentine’s Day! -With love, Your voice of confidence <3
Heyyy beautiful ;)
I love your willingness to always try new things and have FUN. I love your smile and your ability to brighten other people’s days. I love your hard worth ethic and your ambitious goals despite any obstacles that you face. I love your passion for life. Keep on sparkling, GF and never forget how amazing you are! -XOXO, Tricia
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. So look within yourself and see how beautiful you are! Even if you don’t hear it often just know you are special in your own way. It is more important to love yourself and accept yourself than always seeking others approval. Be happy, be you, be lovely. Mistakes and all, you are valuable. -Adriana
You. Complicated li’l you. Sometimes you frustrate me so much, but I can’t help but find you charming, even in your most irredeemable moments.
It took me a while to realize my attraction to you. At first, I kept telling myself you were ugly; your imagined beauty was just that: an illusion. You were not that eye-catching, especially after a stressful week on the job, especially since you couldn’t find enough time to go to the gym to get your ideal figure back.
But something told me “Look closely, look deeper.”
That’s when I noticed the striking contrast between your dark hair and your pale skin, and the three separate Orion’s belt-like constellations made of dainty moles on your body. That’s when I noticed your skin isn’t as congested or as rough as I’d originally thought, nor was your body that pudgy at all. Whether it was in your own way or in a way others turned their head to notice, it didn’t matter; that’s when I realized you were beautiful.
It took me a while to realize you were intelligent, capable. At first, people said you couldn’t do it because you were young, you were a girl, and you were too nice. People said you couldn’t make it in college, in the big city, in a high-pressure job, in grad school, in life.
But something told me “Look closely, look deeper.”
That’s when I noticed you had gotten through everything people said you couldn’t. You had gone to school, exceeded expectation, and graduated with honors. You had gone to the city without permission and made your own decision that it wasn’t for you. You had taken many jobs, some of them you loved, others you hated, but all of them… ALL of them, you had gotten through your own initiative, determination, and hard work. You had found a way to support going back to school because you didn’t have another way of income, and you needed an in for a new job, a new career. Now you’re almost finished with a perfect 4.0 GPA. You found true, honest, deep love after a tragic loss of the very same thing. You keep a roof over your head, even if you struggle sometimes. You speak your mind, you write your blog, and you do what you want to do, despite any backlash. That’s when I realized you had to be intelligent because you were more than capable.
It took me a while to realize you were enough. At first, people kept telling you to do better, do more. People kept saying you could be different if you tried, able to fit in if only you worked hard enough. Some people even tried to change you, mold you, because they wanted you to be “perfect.” In the process, most of them told you what was wrong with you: your honesty, your weight, your lack of sexual activity, your presence of sexual activity, your hairstyle, your emotional responses, your fashion, your overall lifestyle choices. They told me you were so far from being even remotely appealing that I shouldn’t even bother.
But something told me “Look closely, look deeper.”
That’s when I noticed that all of the people who’d said you weren’t their ideal were just projecting their perceptions, sometimes even their flaws, directly onto you. They might have needed you to be skinnier, more demure, and less emotional, but that was never something you set up as a goal for yourself. Someone else might have wanted you to stay the same – immature, rounder, wilder – but you were ready to grow and leave them behind; this didn’t make you crazy, or a bitch, or even a shitty person… it made you your own. And being your own is all you ever have to be. That’s when I realized you always had been and always will be enough.
It took me a while to realize you were sick. At first, I just thought it was all the stress of undertaking so many things at once: a full-time job, a full workload at school, a long distance relationship with a man you love, a dog your adore, a new gym membership, a blog and a house to maintain, and the general in-and-out of daily life with friends and responsibilities. You felt tired because you didn’t have enough time. You felt sad because you were overwhelmed. You felt angry because you had so many rights to. You felt nothing because you had nothing to be happy about.
But something told me “Look closely, look deeper.”
That’s when I noticed you were always inexplicably tired, no matter how much sleep you had gotten. I noticed you were always sad, sadder than you needed to be, no matter what you were crying about. I noticed you were getting angrier and angrier about smaller things and at more people than ever before. I noticed you should be feeling things, a lot of things – especially happiness – because you had plenty to be thankful for. I noticed you felt withdrawn, alienated, attacked, and scared. I noticed you were having problems doing things you loved and working on anything for more than five minutes at a time. I noticed other people were starting to notice something was off. Some loved ones were even saying things to you. Even strangers noticed, sometimes making you feel so broken down about it that you fell into a deep, dark hole for two full and horrible days. That’s when I realized you had been sick for a while.
That’s when I realized I needed to get you help.
Happy Valentine’s Day, Rachel. My gift to you this year is reconnecting you with your true self. I know you miss her, and I cannot wait until you’re acquainted again. By now, you’re about three weeks into treatment. Do you feel the change I longed you would? I hope you do, I hope you do…
Because, for the first time in a long time, I realize you are worth it. -Love, Rachel
Hey You…I Mean, Me :)
It’s been quite a long road so far as you’ve noticed. You told yourself a year ago that you’d begin loving yourself more than anyone in this world ever could and look at you now! It takes a lot, I know. It’s not easy to get up in the morning and look past the mess of curls, the less than perfect skin, those tired music-major eyes and think of “love” when you look into the mirror.
Still you’ve realized somewhere in between all of the ups and downs of your life and your story that there is so much to love and so much to offer. I love you unconditionally for where you have come and for where you have been. I love you for everything that you have been blessed with in life. I love you for every second of your life that you haven’t been loved adequately by the people in your life. I love you so much so that if love doesn’t come from any other corner of the world you can look in the mirror and feel it radiating back towards you.
I love your physical being, your mind, and everything that you are, and that’s all I’ll ever work the hardest at. Because if all else fails, what else can I do but love you more than I love anything or anyone else? You will always be just right for me. You will always be loved.
Love Always, -You. XoXo
Happy hearts day!
I can not believe that another year has passed. I just want to tell you how incredibly strong and resilient you are. You have had so many challenges in the recent months and you are still a shining star for all around you. It is super hard to rise above the negativity and stay true to yourself and your family. That is truly what matters in the end, and I am proud to be a part of that. You are an amazing woman with so many strengths for others to see. Keep on loving those around you and it will come back to you ten fold!! -Emily B.
You have always been so good to me. You were such a sweet and gentle child,as a teenager you always tried to not abuse our body with bad chemicals. When you turned 18 and we became very ill you always held your head up high and carried on even though you were scared. All the boyfriends that turned out to be bad…you just took that as a life lesson and when we finally met the man of our dreams you always stayed true to yourself…to us. When Jack got diagnosed with autism you never cried or became sad…you like him just like he is. You have always been so good to me. You got me…With all my love- Rachel’s heart
Wow. You’ve grown in so many ways in the past year and it’s all because you took an incredible leap of faith.
By opening your heart, you’ve allowed some pretty wonderful things to work their way into your life! 2014 has been challenging so far, but don’t ignore the obvious blessings that have been overflowing in your life over the past month. You are beautiful, talented, smart, sexy, funny and quirky in all the best ways. Don’t let anyone define you or tell you otherwise!
You have absolutely everything it takes to live a full creative and authentic life in 2014. Let’s do this! -Love, Katie, Charlotte NC
It’s that time of year again! In the past, I know that you have dreaded this day because, to be honest, you have never had “that special someone” to spend it with. You even used to say that it was a stupid holiday because there was too much expectation and forced romance and something you didn’t care about just to make yourself feel better. Well, this year is going to be different. Not different in the sense that you will unexpectedly get flowers from some great guy or that you are going to be making googly eyes with a handsome someone over a candle lit dinner. This time it is going to be about you and finding the love that you know you have for yourself somewhere underneath all that self-criticism and self-doubt. The past year has not been an easy one with many trips to the doctor for a disease you found out that you have, the stresses of the first year of graduate school, bouts of anxiety and panic attacks that came out of nowhere, and the return of that pesky acne. It wasn’t the easiest year to love yourself while asking, “why me?” and “Am I strong enough to handle all of this?” Starting this Valentine’s Day, you will start finding reasons to love yourself and carry that with you to help make 2014 the best year yet. Take yourself to a movie, have a dinner for one at your favorite restaurant, get a pedicure, have some wine and chocolate for one. Show yourself that self-love is not a bad thing that makes you into a cocky, stuck-up person, but rather it makes you confident and able to show more love to others. One day you will have an incredible man to spend today with, but until then don’t keep putting yourself at the bottom of your list of priorities. So with that I simply say, Happy Valentine’s Day! -Leslie
I knew I was falling for you when were sniffing the ocean air from beneath a redwood on the California coast, all the wind in your hair and up your dress, and again when you were standing on the edge of the Grand Canyon, unshowered in a dirty tank top. But I loved you most in the desert of the still wild west, when you threw your camera around your neck, tied your dress to the side, and scrambled up steep rocks on your hands and knees. I loved you most there, when you took off all your clothes and stood naked in the middle of nothingness. There you were, in your imperfect fat body, tattooed with equal amounts of art and scars, pale and chubby, with jiggly thighs, a plump belly, a flat ass, and uneven boobs, feeling 100% at peace with everything you are and will be. So you drove home over the next week, filling yourself with diner food and waking up on the floor of some strange, fancy apartment overlooking Lake Michigan. You came home and you drank too much beer and fell out of love while dancing in your living room to old records at 3am. You said, “I can’t wait to be your friend,” and finally meant it. You played your guitar and he said “It feels all wrong, the rhythm isn’t right,” and finally mean it. You cried and held each other and he kissed you on the forehead and reminded you how great you are. You said “I know,” and finally meant it. -Love, Allison
Happy Valentine’s Day, Warrior Queen!
I know you’re excited to spend another year with your love but I am so happy that you’ve remembered [yet again] self-love. I know things have been a little crazy in the past year. Who knew that planning a wedding could drain so much love from yourself? Adjusting to being part of a partnership has had its ups and downs, and I know the transition is harder for someone so confident in her self-love. Things sort of got lost for awhile again, didn’t they? For the girl who never truly focused on her personal appearance, you’ve been insecure. But you’ve also been brave; very brave. I am so happy to see you getting that confidence back and to see you taking time and money for yourself. Pamper yourself, you deserve it! So before you go out to that fancy dinner tonight, why don’t you get in the kitchen and bake yourself your favorite treat. p.s. that printable you made for self-love? Genius! -Love, Raewyn
Dearest Jennilee (though your friends from home gave you this lovely nickname over 10 years ago, it still hasn’t gotten old),
You are 25 this Valentine’s Day and more in love than ever — look at your happy self! Though it hasn’t always been easy, you’re resilient, optimistic, and excited for the future. Aside from the strides you’ve made in your professional career, you’ve moved mountains when it comes to looking deep down inside of you and understanding yourself a little bit better. Coping with anxiety has always been your struggle and in 2013 you tackled it – hard. With the help of some amazing friends and one strong, patient, and loving boyfriend, you’ve learned how to manage your mind, understand your thoughts, and move forward full-speed. I want you to know that I’m proud of you — of the incredibly caring and considerate friend you are, of the hard, dedicated worker you are, and of the optimistic and spontaneous spirit you still possess. May 2014 bring you all the love in the world and the courage to chase after rainbows, as far away as they seem. -Love, Jenn
I have a confession to make. There are only a handful of days in my life that I have felt truly beautiful. As much as I love making others feel great about themselves (see my Operation Beautifu projectl), I struggle to talk about myself and my own accomplishments.
So, this is the point where I realized, I’ve had each of you find the courage to embrace the beauty within yourselves. Honestly, I hate compliments. I would almost rather be criticized. I realize this makes zero sense. So I am here today to break myself of that mentality.
My favorite physical feature is my… smile. I used to be so self conscious about my “big” teeth but I’ve been told it’s beautiful.
Something non-physical that I love about myself is… my drive and passion for whatever life throws my way.
I’m happiest when… I’m with my mama, my best friend. Looking at each other and laughing without having to say a word, because we both know exactly what one another is thinking.
I enjoy the simpler things in life: The morning dew on a fresh-bloomed flower. The bittersweet feeling of finishing a really good book. Laughing so hard her cheeks hurt. Sitting outside during a thunderstorm, the smell of rain to remind me of the beauty of nature. Watching snowflakes fall while cuddling by a toasty fire with cocoa. Turning the page of a calendar to a month full of things to look forward to.
I question everything and would never settle for second best. I’m glad life is a challenge and take full advantage of every opportunity. I am the farthest thing from perfection, but my flaws are what make me beautiful. -Love, Shane
Hey there pretty girl,
Look at those mesmerizing blue eyes and that long brown hair. Not to mention that stunning smile of yours.
This past year has been a challenging one no doubt but somehow you’ve managed to keep a positive view of everything . You cried many tears but had just as many laughs and smiles.
You’ve been able to gain an amazing promotion at work which leads you that much closer to moving into your dream place. While it wasn’t easy and will continue to be hard work it will all pay off in the long run.
You learned that its important to do what you want, when you want, and with the people you want to do it with. Although you are still the amazing friend and peer who is always willing to help out you’ve learned to put yourself first no matter what. This has been a key factor in growing and loving yourself.
The number one ,most important, thing you have learned this year is to love yourself. Really love yourself more than you thought possible. By learning to love yourself and finding what makes you happy you have been able to find an amazing man to share your life with. You were never willing to settle for something less than you deserved. All of the years of singleness and lonely nights in truly led you to this happy ending you always wanted and believed in.
So here is to you this valentines day when you’ll be spending it with the two people you love most. -Love, Christina
I love how strong you are — you learn from your mistakes and you let your past make you better, not bitter.
I love how you always are wearing a smile — you can’t help smiling at every occasion possible, because to you the glass is always half full.
I love how you are a sucker for romance — there is nothing more powerful to you than a passionate kiss, and the feeling of a man’s arms holding you close.
I love how beautiful you are — even if sometimes you don’t see it yourself, it’s important to know you are.
I love how creative you are — you can conceive a fantastic masterpiece by just jotting down a few words.
I love how sweet you are — you exuberant light and an abundance of warmth to anyone you meet.
I love how motivated you are — you won’t stop until you succeed in your dreams.
I love that you’ve come so far — your journey hasn’t been an easy one, but you’ve kept your head up along the way and taken something valuable with you from each and every experience.
Lastly, I love how you love — you have a huge heart, and although there are so many people in your life who you feel blessed to have, you never forget to always love yourself first.
Happy Valentines Day, J!
Yes, I know sometimes we have not been the best friends. And sometimes, we don’t look at each other without getting angry or sad. However, we must make peace with one another. There is no time to be regretful or sad. The time is now. Be happy. Enjoy life. Let’s be happy together. -Xoxo, Naomi
You’re not always kind to yourself. I know that sometimes you feel like you’re the worst person in the world, the ugliest, the fattest… all of the most awful things you think about yourself. It’s not true.
In 2014, I really hope that you are able to see more positivity in your life, I believe it will help you greatly. Remember, not everything is black and white. You are a good person. You’re not ugly. You’re not fat. You are you, and you are beautiful. Remember this. There are people in your life that tell you all these wonderful things on a daily basis. Believe them. You are loved, and that is all that matters.
Love from Charlotte. <3
One year ago today, an amazingly sweet and perfect guy sent you flowers for the first time. You had just gotten out of a four year relationship that had been slowly falling apart for the latter half of it. You had been rediscovering what it meant to be you–without a significant other–for the past six months. And you’d developed more as a woman than ever before.
That time in your life was paramount in molding the woman you are today. You began to see your future clearly, without depending on someone else (who is actually not dependable at all). It wasn’t until you finally let yourself be creative, get motivated and succeed that you came into your own. There are some people in life that will try to hold you back, but NEVER AGAIN let that person be you. Just like no one can truly love you until you love yourself, no one is going to believe in you if you don’t believe in yourself. You experienced that first hand.
Now that you have the confidence, drive, and passion to do what you love, you have a partner who not only supports you and celebrates your successes, but he also inspires you every single day.
Keep it up, girl. You da bomb! -xoxo, Megan
To my biggest critic and my biggest fan,
You definitely have a lot of flaws. But your most prominent one is not accepting those imperfections as just another lovable facet of yourself. Sure, you overreact to things emotionally. But that just means you have emotions to feel in the first place. Yes, you should exercise more. But embrace those times you do exercise, whether it’s going to one yoga class a week or running up and down the stairs to visit all of your friends. Maybe not everything you do is perfect, but where’s the fun in not ever messing up? The word “flaws” has a negative connotation, but it’s easy enough to turn a “blemish” into a “decoration.” Like the best literary characters, your flaws are sometimes your most endearing features. -Love, Julia
This is the third year in a row that you have wrote a “self-love” letter, but for some reason this year you kept putting it off… Is your procrastination habit becoming worse? Or is there something deeper going on there? I’m going to go with the latter…
Wow! It’s been a whirlwind of a year! You graduated law school! You passed the bar! You got a job! Basically, you are kicking ass and taking name, but I know that it feels like something is still missing. Well, let me tell you something (and please remember this on the gloomiest of days)… You must learn the art of loving yourself before you can expect another person to love you unconditionally. Yeah, it can be hard sometimes but let the good overshadow the bad. Push the negativity out of your life and embrace the individuals who build you up and make you stronger. Forgive those boys (not men) who have broke your heart in the past and move on. I know it seems like the dating world is a black hole right now but do not lower your standards and do not put up with lies and bullshit. I might be a little biased but you are pretty amazing and you deserve the creme de la creme. Every little thing is going to be alright. Stop beating yourself up for mistakes made in the past. Your past does not require an explanation… not to yourself and not to anyone else. They can love it or leave it.
So, this Valentine’s Day please do not sit around feeling sorry for yourself because you are single and love cats. Hang out with girlfriends. Drink copious amounts of red wine. And CELEBRATE yourself. -Love, Chelsea
Lix, sweetheart, honeybee, cherrypie,
All those adjectives that you mean sincerely because you use them on your cat and obviously you’re sincere about how much you love him— Lix, babe, you’re doing just fine. You’re beautiful, and you respect people, and you want everyone you care about to be the best they can be, and get everything they deserve. You’ve done so many things this year that seemed impossible last, and that’s not just the antidepressants, that’s the creativity within you, that’s guiding yourself out of the mess that is your life, that’s making something out of nothing in every which way you could. Everything you do has taken so much courage and it’s incredible that you have that within you after all these years, that you’re willing to put yourself out there and try to build a career and a life on a path that’s so foreign to you.
Besides that, you try so hard to be your mom’s rock, and you try so hard to ignore how difficult it is to live with your father, and you try so hard to love your sister and do things for her even when she’s unbearable and doesn’t seem to understand what’s going on around her. You’re allowed to strike a balance between helping your mom out financially and saving for yourself— you’re allowed to want more and to make your life easier and to go after your dreams and save up for them. You’re allowed to go. You’re allowed to stay longer, if you have to. Give your dreams room to breathe and grow a foundation if you have to. That’s not a failure, that is being responsible, that is all right. Lix, darling, honestly— you’re doing so much more than fine. You’re thriving, and that’s not stopping any time soon. -Love, Lix
To my dearest Kriselle,
Hi. You never thought you’d be in this position again, did you? Except now, the situation has slightly changed. You’re in a relationship and your thoughts of worthlessness are no more. That is so great, because many people don’t get to that stage. The important thing now is not to turn back. That all may have been many years ago, but it is so important to remember that you are loved no matter what you do and no matter what happens. You are not the things you do or don’t do, as a very good friend once said.
I know that it’s easy to do everything and feel the need to please, but that is not your identity. You are amazing and such a hard worker and a beautiful soul no matter what you do. I know that it’s so hard, but I know you can do this. You are such a strong person and you are more than able. Stop worrying and just be you. Do you, booboo. -Love, Kriselle
I see what you are doing there… And yea it’s working! You with your infectious laughter and overflowing wit and whimsy. This past year you have had amazing adventures and embraced so many fears, all with courage and grace and that million watt smile! You are blessed beyond measure and you have the most wonderful people in your life. Embrace and enjoy every single moment because you have never been more amazing. I love the person you are are and who you are becoming… Keep it up dollface… It’s just getting good! -Love, Julianne
Valentine’s day is about love & love comes in many shapes, forms, & sizes. Growing up you’ve always felt lonely not having a significant other to share it with, but than you came to see that love isn’t just about having a significant other. You have wonderful friends & family who continuously spends this day with you & because of that you’ve grown to know the true meaning of love. Love is about embracing the people you truly care about no matter what your relationship with them are. Because you’ve grown to understand & know what love truly is that itself you’re ready to love & be loved. Whoever walks into your life will know what it feels like to be loved & one day you’ll know what it feels like to have someone be insanely head over heels crazy about you. For now enjoy the amazing people who makes you feel loved each & everyday, but most importantly remember to love yourself. -Love, Kat 2014
You aren’t as pretty as you were in high school. Your breasts droop, your eyes sag… That energy you used to have is all but gone. But you know what? You are an amazing woman for the life you lead. Taking care of three children, one of which is another woman’s, is not an easy feat but you manage to do it day in and day out without complaint. You are kind and caring, and strive so hard to achieve the things you want; there is no greater passion than that of a mother trying to do better for her kids. You take your full plate and juggle it like no other, and that is why I love you. -Love, Jaime
Yes, you – the one with the warm brown eyes, unwavering smile, and fearless heart. They say feeling too deeply can be a blessing and a curse, and yet you still do it, day in and day out. You always throw yourself 110% into anything and everything that you do, all the while wearing your heart so proudly on your sleeve. This Valentine’s Day you might still be single, and that’s okay. Because that heart of your’s has got so much love in it, more than it can even keep inside sometimes – and one day some special guy will be so, so lucky to have that. In the mean time, you keep loving those people in your life who already love you – yes, those people – your family, and the friends who have turned into a second one. But even more importantly, this Valentine’s Day, remember to keep loving yourself. I know you’re hard on yourself sometimes, and you feel that your life doesn’t measure up to those around you, or the expectations you have set for yourself. But that’s what your twenties are for! You will never be more free or young than you are now, so why not embrace it? And I know you already have. This past weekend you went on a plane finally for the first time, and it opened up your world! You said 2014 was going to be your year of action, and damn it, girl – it’s only February, and you’re already well on your way! Not only have you already flown (which you told yourself you’d do this year), but you also landed a fulltime job in NYC helping others, and you’ve read a book out of that pile you said you were determined to finally read this year. These may seem like small feats right now, but when you look back on 2014, and your list has check marks on it and no longer empty spaces, you will be so proud of yourself, like I already am of you. So keep checking off those resolutions, girl, and loving you and your life. Because as long as you love life, life will love you back. It already has been! Stay smiling, Ash. I love you! Here’s to your year of action. xo -Love, Ash