Stop Wondering What You Don’t Have

There was a period of time last year when I basically refused to go out.

I wouldn’t say I was depressed – that’s a bit of an exaggeration for me – but I wasn’t happy. There were a lot of things going on, from my family to my non-existent love life – and no matter how hard I tried or how much I damned myself to be more hopeful, I just couldn’t get there. And when my friends all made fun plans to go bar hopping in Brooklyn or hit up a gimmicky club in the Lower East Side, I politely joined them for dinner and weaseled my way out of of the late night excursions.

Logically, I knew that staying home snuggled up with my pup wouldn’t get me closer to finding The Infamous Love of All Loves – but emotionally, I couldn’t stomach standing in some crowded place, having drinks spilled on me and drunken guys attempting to hit on me while slurring their words. I wasn’t in the mood for it and frankly, at the time, I didn’t believe it would actually help me meet anyone worth meeting (I’m still not convinced it will, for the record, but I do go out more now). But more than the immature 24-year-olds hitting on me or the blaring pop music…

…it was all of those girls.

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That Time I Went Out With Two Guys in One Night at the Same Bar

Excuse me for the cliché here, but I’m allowed one Sex & the City reference, right? Remember that time Charlotte had back-to-back dates planned and it all blew up in her face? Well, that kind of happened to me accidentally a few weeks ago—but it wasn’t a fiasco; it was kind of awesome.

I made plans on a Saturday night (something I normally don’t do, but hey, I was free, and he was cute) to meet up with Casey. He was new to the city from Toronto, and via texting, he seemed normal and rather charming. He left it up to me to choose a place, which I usually prefer not to do. But because he was a NYC newbie, I gave him a break. Until of course, he texted me 10 minutes before our date to say he was just now getting in a cab and would be late.

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How the Hell Do You Get Out of a Bad Date…Nicely?

always worry when the texting is too good before a first date. It’s almost like some sort of cruel trick from the universe—if you’re really, really connecting with someone via emojis and clever answers to the most basic of questions, the chemistry almost never translates in person.

Case in point: a guy named Charles I went out with a month ago.

I was searching for tights at T.J.Maxx when we started chatting on Tinder. Right from the start, he was an excellent conversationalist and asking the kind of questions you want men to ask: What are you most passionate about? Why did you make the big move from NC? What makes you happy? And best of all, like me, he had a dog—so he totally understood that I needed to head home post-work to walk Lucy before meeting up at a swanky lounge.

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What Boy Do You Need to Let Go Of?

A year ago, I published a blog called ‘Dear Boy.’ It was an ode to all of the jerks I went out with that year as a way to dismiss them and let ’em go. I was amazed when I received so many letters from all over the world of women (and men!) experiencing the same let down.

I don’t know what it is about writing, but it sure does get it out, doesn’t it?

So in honor of releasing all the bad of the year to prepare for a bright, amazing year ahead, I want to encourage you to write Dear Boy letters again! You’re welcome to anonymously submit or use your name (or a fake one).

Just click this link and fill it out. I’ll email you when you it’s published.

To inspire you, here’s one from me:

Dear Boy Who I Though Could Have Really Been Something,

After our marathon date that lasted nearly 48 hours, I was smitten. Our conversation and chemistry was magnetic and I was so impressed with your follow-up. You were handsome and charming, and yet, a little more reserved than I usually go for. I thought stepping outside of my normal dating routine and going for someone who was less the life of the party and more an intellectual with a goofy side would be good for me. But what I didn’t realize is that you weren’t really grown-up yet. You didn’t know how to manage stress. You didn’t know how to balance life, work and love. You didn’t know how to stop being selfish and frankly, you didn’t know how to give a girl an orgasm. I was a little sad when we ended things – at some bar in midtown – but more than anything, I was relieved. I didn’t want another relationship where I did all the work, where I had to put up a big fight and do the wooing. I want someone who can do that all on his own. And I know I’ll find him, and I hope you are one day able to take a deep breath, relax and really let yourself fall for someone. It’ll be a lonely life if you don’t.

With love, Linds

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Why I Haven’t Given Up On Love

Screen Shot 2014-11-11 at 11.44.40 PMA year ago, I was out with friends when a cute guy started to talk to us. In many ways, he was the type of person I’ve gone out with so many times before: educated, handsome, tall, in banking, a little bit of an asshole and a whole lot of charming. It might have been my frustration with dating at the time or that I saw so many ex-boyfriends in his eyes, peering back at me over his vodka water – but I just wasn’t into it.

He, however, was relentless.

We bantered for a while, but as soon as my friends gave me an exit, I turned away. He stopped me and I smiled, as I calmly said, “Look, you seem great, but I just don’t think I’d want to continue this. I’m trying to be smarter about who I go out with.”

He looked shocked (rightfully so), but he grinned as he replied, “I was about to ask you for your number. But you’re right, I was mainly trying to sleep with you. How long have you been single?”

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