15 Things Your Future Hubby Wants You to Know

Last week, I wrote a blog about things I’m embarrassed to tell my future husband. Much to my surprise, it went viral! I couldn’t believe all of the folks reaching out about the things I crave from someone – words of affirmation, lots of great sex, asking my dad for my hand in marriage – saying they wanted the same qualities.

In response to my list, Keith Dent, a blogger and marriage coach (and hubby with three kids) wrote what he needed from his wife. If you’re anything like me, this list just might bring ya to tears (I mean, c’mon, read #9 in my needs!).

Enjoy ladies, here’s a letter from your future hubby:

 

As your future husband, it was very refreshing to read your story before we met. I don’t meet too many women who are open an honest with their feelings.

I hope you don’t overlook me because I’m not that tall, dark and handsome guy that you always seem to notice. I’m on the sensitive side, but I know that when we meet our chemistry will be instantaneous.

Before we meet and start to make wedding plans, there is one thing you must know. I will have fears too. Not right away, but they will develop much later in our marriage. Continue reading

I’m Not Afraid Anymore

On my flight that was supposed to be six hours, but took nearly eight, I thought about the dates I’ve been on in the last few months…

-There was the one with the guy who told me there was no way I could write as much as he does every day, though he only writes two pages a day (Ha! Try at least 4 articles a day!)

-There was the one that I really liked – he was my very first Match date – but once he found out that I was a love writer, he never talked to me again.

-There was the one where the first date was great, but the second date was so strange that I couldn’t remember why I was attracted to him to begin with. Continue reading

Learning to Fly Away

The streets of Copenhagen were full of lights – tiny, sparkling, circular spots that led the way through the colorful town. They were meant to guide the bike riders through the night, but in my red wine haze, I excitedly told James, my dear (and cheeky) British bestie: People say that New York’s streets sparkle, but these really do!

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He rolled his eyes at me and took another puff of his cigarette as I rushed ahead to match his quick pace, hooking his arm to slow him down. We had just finished a three-course Valentine’s dinner, along with celebratory champagne and a bottle of wine, and we were making our way back to our hotel to drop off the rose I found along the way. Do you think someone lost it? I asked James with concern, to which he said: No, I put it there for you. Take it, silly!

I was twirling it around in my hand, slowly picking off the thorns so they wouldn’t prick me when we stumbled across a store window that caught our eye:

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I Hope You Fall in Love With Yourself This Year…

Four years later – you’ve written more than 200 self-love letters on Valentine’s Day. Every year I read these letters, sometimes with a glass of wine, and my heart just swells. How incredible it is that so many of you – from Australia to Wyoming – are taking a (very special) moment to remember what makes you so lovely. Because you are – you are so full of sass, smarts, kindness, beauty, hope, power, strength, courage and of course… love.

On Valentine’s Day and always, from my heart to yours, never forget the words you’ve written below. And if you haven’t written anything -that’s ok! – I dare you to put something on paper. You’ll be amazed at how cleansing and empowering it really is to simply… be loved by yourself.

 

Lindsay Aurora Tigar, 

10247462_10101105061669648_7766286907397873369_n-1This year, you’ve left me a little speechless. Which is a rarity for you – considering you live your life through words, both written and often, excitedly spoken. I think your mom probably said it best when you went South to visit for the holidays: “You’re so full of love, Linds, I can just feel it. You’re bursting.”

And you are.

Like you always have, you set your mind to do something in 2014, and damn it – you did it. You finally let go of the past and you forgave yourself for being imperfect. You forgave New York and all of the men and all of the frustrations for not working on your timeline, and you then went an extra step: you threw that to-do list away and you started living your life.

A year later, you have now stamped your passport with England, France, Italy, and right now, when this letter publishes, you’ll be in Denmark (and possibly swinging by Sweden for dinner, simply because you can). You have worked so incredibly hard to make your freelancing career take off – and now your byline is, well, everywhere. You always dreamed of writing a book one day… and now you have an agent (a real agent!). You had the courage to leave a bad job that made you unhappy to take a chance on a start-up that you’ve fallen in love with (and loves you back). You wanted to move downtown and be closer to the scene, and you wanted roommates you could also be friends with, and here you are in this East Village apartment, listening to C hum in the kitchen while she cooks. You wanted to be kinder to yourself and to your body, and you are more active than you’ve ever been, you put better things in your body, and girlfriend – you look awesome. You worked hard for that body – and you’re still working. I love that you remind yourself that you’re (more than) enough almost every single day, it’s important. Don’t stop doing that.

And love? Well. You’re a bit disappointed that almost three-and-a-half years since you last broke up with someone, you’re still wondering where that special guy is. But I tell you something: he’s definitely somewhere. I wish I knew where (then you’d stop worrying so much about it) – but I do know he exists. And I also know you’ll meet him one very fine day, but in the meantime, you’re doing a pretty incredible job of spreading love everywhere you go. To readers, to your friends, to your Facebook friends (they aren’t always the same), to your co-workers, to your dog (and her puppy friends), to your family near and far, to strangers on the street – literally, to everyone.

And that has made you bursting with love, like your mom noticed. Maybe more importantly, you can feel it. You feel that love in your heart – it’s warm, it’s powerful, it can’t be contained. You want to spread it. You want people to have hope. You want people to be full of fire and magic and endless positivity. You are one of the most thoughtful, caring, good-spirited and yet, incredibly sassy and confident women I’ve met. Everyone tells you that your eyes are beautiful – and they are, but mostly because of the person that’s shining from behind them. Keep sharing your heart with the world. Keep traveling and seeing the world. Keep believing in goodness, in romance, in butterflies, in your dreams, in yourself.

I won’t tell you to stop worrying – a part of you always will. But every once in a while, Linds? Maybe after yoga or when you’re walking those two miles to and from work each day, stop. Take a deep breath. Look at all of the things unfolding around you. Own the part of the universe that you make better. Smile that beautiful smile of yours (with your teeth!). Love with that beautiful soul. And my love, one day, you will have what you want. The book. The house. The bylines in prestigious publications. The kitchen that’s actually big enough to cook in. The backyard for Lucy. The passport that needs more pages for more stamps. The babies. The income to allow more freedom. And yes, the man, that love of your life.

It will all be there one day, but today, on Valentine’s Day, and all the time, stop. Relax. Dance. Believe. Share. Live with your heart out loud.
With all my heart, Linds, 26, New York City

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Dear Future Hubby: This is What I Need

When it comes to meeting my husband one day, I’m a little worried. Not because I’m afraid it won’t happen (okay, that’s a complete lie, but moving on) but because I’ve been single for a while. And though this solo stint has taught me at ton about my values and desires, it’s also has given me time to think about thethings I absolutely need in a partner.

Some are a little unrealistic, some are must-haves and others will probably pop up along the way, but in no particular order, here are the things that I’ll need from my future husband.

I need you …

1. To say – and write – loving things to me a lot.

I’m absolutely in love with words. And especially loving words. Even if it’s as simple as “I love you” on a Post-It by the Keurig once a week, do it. I’ll also settle for a text message (or 20), too. Continue reading

The People Who Never (Ever) Let Me Give Up On Love

Like any other single girl – there are times that I’m a bit down about not having someone special in my life. Though I think Valentine’s Day is a little overrated (if you love someone, tell them always!) – I really can’t remember the last time I shared a romantic holiday with a great guy.

That being said – this past year as taught me so much more about love, in all the forms it comes in. Because I finally let go of Mr. P (and ahem, stopped sleeping with him), I spent all of 2014 focusing on myself and cultivating truly incomparable friendships with the best human beings I’ve ever known.

So while I won’t be toasting with champagne with the man I’ll marry this Valentine’s Day, I will be publishing your Self-Love letters all the way from Copenhagen, Denmark with my dear friend, J. And before that, from my heart to yours, I want to share the best advice I’ve been given about dating, love and relationships from those incredibly special to me.

Even if I’m not in love, these incredible people make my heart so full, and for that, I’m thankful every single day. I love you all – thank you for reminding me to not give up on love, even when it’s the only thing I want to do.

Think of your future daughter.
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“If you are looking for a husband, a true partner, think about your future daughter. Is he someone you’d want to set her up with? If your answer isn’t immediately ‘yes’ – then walk away.” -From my lovely, talented, sassy and kind-hearted friend, K. She is one of the wisest women I know, and is always willing to share her wisdom, heart… and bottle of wine. 

 

Find someone who pushes you. 

Screen Shot 2015-02-06 at 4.44.14 PM“I think the key is to find someone who pushes you to be your best self, but still loves you when you’re not.” -From K – who has an effortless enthusiasm about her that brings so much laughter, inspiration and beauty to everyone she comes across. No question is too crazy, no worry too awful, she’s always there to lend an ear. 

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How Many Times?

How many times must I walk home in the frigid cold, fighting frivolous hot tears as they splash down my cheeks, serving as the only warmth in my body? How many times must I hide my jealousy underneath a black jacket, protecting me not only from the winter, but from my own seemingly long-lost dreams, walking right past me, hand-in-hand? How many times must I swallow my pride and my heart, my anxiousness and my hope, after another failed date or encounter? How many times must I feel that pit rising from my stomach to my chest, from my chest to my throat, from the very depth of me to my eyes, where it simply has nowhere else to go, but out?

How many times can my iPhone serve as a form of torment as it refuses to vibrate in my pocket? How many numbers must I save and delete, save and delete, as their owners come and go in and out of my life, in and out of my recent digital history? How many times must I simmer in the aftermath of a great first date, a noteworthy kiss or two, for it to simply, be just that? How many times do I have to write-off another guy into the extended list of could-be’s, would-be’s, should-be’s but are actually, can’t-be’s, won’t-be’s and shouldn’t be’s? How many times must I be fooled, yet again, by some man who felt somewhat different, but turned out to be like all the rest? How many times must I be a warrior for love, must I seek it, promote it, believe it, relish in it’s infinite possibilities, before it becomes a possibility for me? Continue reading