I Was Rejected By a Guy Because of Something I Wrote on This Blog

If there’s one thing I won’t reveal on a first date, it’s my last name.

Thanks to a robust writing portfolio and popular dating blog, if a dude searches my name after our happy hour meet-up, he could discovereverything I think about dating, love, and sex. Sorry you’re not sorry, Google! It is sometimes really, really frustrating to have the thing that you love to do be the thing you can’t tell possible boyfriends about (until they get to know you, at least).

Even though it’s something I’ve dealt with since I started writing about my love life four years ago, I’ve never felt ashamed about any of my blog posts until a few weeks ago when I went out with Aaron.

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I Know You Exist

I know you exist.

Somewhere out in this mad city, or this crazy country or this beautifully ridiculous world, I know you exist. You have hopes that I’ve never heard, that I don’t know about yet, but these dreams paired with my wild ambitions will create our future. You have been walking on this planet, doing things and making things and being things that mean something to you. I know you are working that 9-6 (or 7 or 8) just like me, wondering when you’ll get where you’re going, even if you’re not sure where that is, exactly, just yet. I know you wake up every morning and you go to sleep every night, and in those hours, those minutes, those seconds in between, you make hundreds of decisions that have yet to lead you to me.

I know you are loved.

There is this family, these friends, these people that have the privilege to talk to you daily. These people have heard your laugh and felt your embrace, they know your voice when you speak and they have memories that go back to the decades I’ve never known you. There are people who think of you because you’ve actually spent time with them, there are women who have shared your heart and your hands, your bed and been stuck in your head. There are people who know your favorite dish, how you take your whiskey and what team you cheer for on Sundays and Mondays at the pub near your apartment, on some street in some place in some city. There are people who love you because you are already so wonderful.

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Stop Wondering What You Don’t Have

There was a period of time last year when I basically refused to go out.

I wouldn’t say I was depressed – that’s a bit of an exaggeration for me – but I wasn’t happy. There were a lot of things going on, from my family to my non-existent love life – and no matter how hard I tried or how much I damned myself to be more hopeful, I just couldn’t get there. And when my friends all made fun plans to go bar hopping in Brooklyn or hit up a gimmicky club in the Lower East Side, I politely joined them for dinner and weaseled my way out of of the late night excursions.

Logically, I knew that staying home snuggled up with my pup wouldn’t get me closer to finding The Infamous Love of All Loves – but emotionally, I couldn’t stomach standing in some crowded place, having drinks spilled on me and drunken guys attempting to hit on me while slurring their words. I wasn’t in the mood for it and frankly, at the time, I didn’t believe it would actually help me meet anyone worth meeting (I’m still not convinced it will, for the record, but I do go out more now). But more than the immature 24-year-olds hitting on me or the blaring pop music…

…it was all of those girls.

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Love Addict’s Acts of Love December Challenge

When this year started, I decided I would stop looking for romantic life in my own life, and I would try my best to see love in every single day – and all around me. I figured if I could just capture all of that love and savor it, then it would help me not give up on my personal journey to finding that relationship that I want.

And ya know what? I was right.

By opening my eyes and looking at the love of my friends, my family, my dog, my city, my job, my runs, my workout classes, my roommates – all of it – I became even more optimistic than I ever was before.

So for the last month of this very special year, I want to pay it back. I want to show acts of love to strangers, friends, family members, my pup and all of you by introducing…

The Love Addict Acts of Love Challenge 

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It’s really easy: every single day of the month in December, do something loving for someone else. And because I believe to discover great love, you must have great love for yourself, throw in some self-love actions in there, too.

Now – this doesn’t have to be crazy, it can be really simple: taking something off of a co-worker’s plate, calling your mom more than you would, taking your dog to the dogpark for an extra long run, buying someone’s coffee, holding the door for someone, emailing someone you love and telling them just why they’re amazing, and so much more. Anything and everything that is kind-hearted, loving and comes from a genuine place – do it!

And if you would like to share some of these moments with me – and the world – please use the #LoveAddictActsofLove on Twitter and Instagram. I’ll be sharing some of my acts on my Instagram, so feel free to follow if you’d like some inspiration. I’ll pick a few winners at the end of the month to send a prize pack to – as my final act of love for the month.

So, who is with me? Who wants to pay love forward? I promise you’ll be SO impressed with how much less you worry about dating blunders, being single again during the holidays and when you’ll ever meet that right person once you take the focus off of the search, and look around you to see all the love that’s already all around you.

 

That Time I Went Out With Two Guys in One Night at the Same Bar

Excuse me for the cliché here, but I’m allowed one Sex & the City reference, right? Remember that time Charlotte had back-to-back dates planned and it all blew up in her face? Well, that kind of happened to me accidentally a few weeks ago—but it wasn’t a fiasco; it was kind of awesome.

I made plans on a Saturday night (something I normally don’t do, but hey, I was free, and he was cute) to meet up with Casey. He was new to the city from Toronto, and via texting, he seemed normal and rather charming. He left it up to me to choose a place, which I usually prefer not to do. But because he was a NYC newbie, I gave him a break. Until of course, he texted me 10 minutes before our date to say he was just now getting in a cab and would be late.

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Confession: I Haven’t Had Sex in Almost Six Months

So here’s the honest truth: I haven’t had sex since July.

I know, I know—you would think for someone who dates as much as I do and is so open about her personal life, I’d be getting a little more nooky. But since I ended that kind-of-relationship with Patrick right after the Fourth of July, I haven’t been laid. Sadly, I haven’t even been touched more than a drunken ass grab outside some crummy bar downtown.

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Why I Haven’t Given Up On Love

Screen Shot 2014-11-11 at 11.44.40 PMA year ago, I was out with friends when a cute guy started to talk to us. In many ways, he was the type of person I’ve gone out with so many times before: educated, handsome, tall, in banking, a little bit of an asshole and a whole lot of charming. It might have been my frustration with dating at the time or that I saw so many ex-boyfriends in his eyes, peering back at me over his vodka water – but I just wasn’t into it.

He, however, was relentless.

We bantered for a while, but as soon as my friends gave me an exit, I turned away. He stopped me and I smiled, as I calmly said, “Look, you seem great, but I just don’t think I’d want to continue this. I’m trying to be smarter about who I go out with.”

He looked shocked (rightfully so), but he grinned as he replied, “I was about to ask you for your number. But you’re right, I was mainly trying to sleep with you. How long have you been single?”

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