This time of year, I always start to feel a little anxious.
Even though those who know me best would call me overly optimistic (true) and a little romantic about everything (also true), when Christmas rolls around and I find myself single, again, for the past four years, I feel overwhelmingly defeated. For such a magical time of year – with the shared moments, sweet memories and twinkling lights – there’s something about the days that lead up to the New Year that make me nervous for what is to come – or, well, not come. Continue reading
I’ve been keeping busy in New York lately.
Between dating and writing, killin’ it on a boxing bag and traveling, I haven’t had as much time to blog as I would like. And though I’ve wanted to tell you for a long time, I’m finally able to reveal that I’m in an ABC News documentary on Hulu, called Swiped! I’d love for you to watch it and share what you think below.
More updates coming your way soon! Watch the documentary by clicking here.
On Thanksgiving, we often count all of the reasons we’re blessed, and while you should practice being a good person all year ‘round, if you’re inspired to make your patch of the world a little brighter, consider this your personal challenge to act today. And though you might not need another incentive to smile at strangers, pick up someone’s coffee or open the door for someone, here’s another fun fact: being a kind, good person can do you a big favor while you’re looking for love.
Here are just a few reasons why kindness will help you find someone who is not only sweet like you…but sweet on you:
You are more attractive.
Last year, a study led by Yan Zhang of Huazhong University in China found that positive personality traits increase perceptions of facial attractiveness. What does that mean? Basically what your mama told you from the get-go: when you’re a nice person, people see that in you — and potential partners can find you more attractive as they get to know how loving and giving you really are. Continue reading
I wish the photos of my eighteenth birthday — most of which I’ve untagged — reminded me of a fun celebration, but what I remember most about that birthday is seeing my dress rolled up past my bare breasts, as I drifted awake, finding the party host having sex with me without my consent. When I haphazardly pushed him off of me, he only muttered five words: I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.
It was my birthday, he said earlier that night. I should celebrate, he persuaded.I’ll buy you whatever you want to drink, don’t worry, he promised. And so, as a wide-eyed 17-year-old finally coming to ‘legal age’ (as he put it), I was three weeks into college and happily surprised that an old high school friend wanted to throw me a birthday party. When that evening came — a Saturday night in 2006 — I tried on everything I owned before eventually borrowing something from my new roommate’s closet: a fitted white dress with pink flowers on it. I was so excited for that night — my first official birthday spent away from home, with real college friends, with real college drinks and a real college good time. Continue reading
Recently, I had a phone reading with an angel intuitive who reads the energy of your angels. I’ve been to psychics before – and of course, my mom is an astrologer – but there was something refreshing about talking to angels, as opposed to spirits – it seemed like it might be more… real.
And it was.
Five minutes into my reading with Chris Alexandria, I was holding my breath to choke down the tears. It wasn’t so much that she predicted incredible, amazing things, but rather, that she illustrated exactly how I’m feeling. And perhaps, more importantly, what I’ve been struggling with a lot lately.
It comes as no surprise to anyone who knows me (or reads this little blog that’s been my safe place for so many years) – but I’ve been worried about not finding love my entire life. If I look back on my journals from middle school and my blogs for high school, the thread was always the same: what if he doesn’t exist? Continue reading
A few days ago, after a walk with Lucy, I ate my lunch under a tree near my apartment. It was one of those perfect almost-Autumn days, and as I have for the past five-and-a-half years in New York, I watched life unfold around me. There was an old man who brought out a lawn chair and was sunbathing, some girls around my age talking up a storm (likely about the night before), a couple with their small baby and a snuggling two-some sneaking in kisses between the breeze.
And here I was, sitting awkwardly on my backpack, guilting myself for skipping an exercise class because I was tired, wondering when this guy that I met would text me back. As much as things have changed – and so have I – in all of this time, I still have to battle those same insecurities, regardless of how far I’ve come in my self-love journey. The park embodied so many of the things that I dream of having, and often times, I can count up the things I don’t have instead of taking stock in what I do. And though I can dream of the beautiful things I hope are before me, it’s hard to get past what’s in sight to believe in what you can’t see until it’s yours.
I turned over my iPhone and took a sip of water, rubbing my shoulders as the temperature started to drop, and I turned my attention on a kid’s birthday party. There was a grandfather with a toddler, laughing and chasing around each other until the babe accidentally let go of the red balloon she was holding. She started to cry, but her grandfather scooped her up and pointed to the sky.
I couldn’t hear what he said – I was too far away – but I imagine it was a distraction technique that somehow, piqued her interest away from a tantrum. The only thing was, all of the kids watched this happened and looked up…
…and they all let go of their balloons. Continue reading
It was about a month ago that I decided it was finally time to kick the bucket and log off. There was such a surge of power—and frankly, relief—when I deleted all of my dating apps. Tinder was the first to go, followed by Hinge and then Bumble.
When I read Vanity Fair’s article, ‘Tinder and the Dawn of the ‘Dating Apocalypse’—I found myself nodding along mindlessly, silently saying ‘Yep, yep, yep.’ I didn’t really need the article to tell me that dating apps had changed relationships, marriages and the process of finding someone that you want to see for longer than it takes to swipe left or right. That, I knew, from four hard years of being single and watching the whole process change and in many ways, worsen. Even my mom taking over my Tinder account for a week confirmed this.
But as the article points out several times, as we all continue to get online to find someone we connect with offline, I had to beg the question to myself: “Why was I investing all this time into something that makes me miserable?”
Like any true addict, it took me a week to wean myself off of my dating IV and to get rid of the shakes that made me anxious: “If I’m not on these apps, how will I meet people?! What will I do?” Continue reading