In the 12 hours after that New York Times Modern Love blog came out about the 36 questions that can make you fall in love with anyone, ten people sent the article to me. Basically the premise is this: You’re supposed to meet with a stranger, ask each other this list of questions – which are grouped into three sets – and then stare lovingly into one another’s eyes for four whole minutes. (You can blink – I think?) Twenty years ago, psychologist Arthur Aron put two straight people in a room in a lab, had them ask each other these questions, do the whole creepy stare-thing, and six months later they were married. (Wow!)
I was intrigued enough to try it myself.
Quick: When you woke up this morning and looked in the mirror, did you say something nice or start criticizing flaws? In that work meeting you led a few weeks ago, did you pat yourself on the back, or nitpick every little detail?
When you’re always trying to improve, it’s easy to get caught up in a self-confidence spiral. But here’s the thing: According to several studies, the stories we tell ourselves directly contribute to our happiness level and day-to-day satisfaction.
Are you single? Cool, welcome to the club (I’m three years and goin’ strong!). Like me, you probably straddle the line between hating your single status and not minding it. You probably also have those moments where you think: What is wrong with me?
This post was originally published on eHarmony’s blog.
My ex and I broke up in September of 2011 – it was one of those dramatic, romantic comedy-esque kind of scenes: I asked for more, he couldn’t give it, he offered a half-hearted plea for me to stay and I grabbed the next cab I saw uptown to my apartment, while it rained (of course) and I cried the whole way home.
In the months that turned into years after that I’ve been dating in New York – one of those cities with a bad reputation for being more about career than love – I’ve learned a lot of hard lessons. Like – if a guy says he’s 5’11 in his online dating profile, he’s likely around 5’8”. Or when a guy says he’s not looking for a relationship, he’s not, no matter how easygoing, beautiful, sexy or sassy you might be. And that there are more than enough men who are willing to wine and dine you, but not too many that actually want to talk to you and listen. I think that’s why love is so valuable when we do eventually stumble across it, the work to get there feels really, really hard.
One of my favorite things to ever come from Confessions of a Love Addict is the annual self-love letter writing campaign. Over the past four years, you’ve written more than 200 letters of confidence, kindness, beauty, passion and strength… to yourself.
When you’re single – or when you’re in a relationship – it’s sometimes difficult to take a step back and truly appreciate all of the incredible things that make you… you. From the way you walk and talk to how you treat your best friends and the special gifts that only you have – there are so many things that make you one-of-a-kind.
I’m happy to introduce the 5th annual (wow!) Self-Love Letters on Confessions of a Love Addict.
Here’s how to participate:
1- Fill out this form. Remember – you can be totally anonymous! Or if you’re a blogger, I’m happy to link back to your blog. And you’re welcome to send along a photo, drawing, graphic – anything -that you’d like to go along with your letter.
The deadline to submit is Monday, February 9th.
2- If you need inspiration, check out 2011‘s, 2012‘s, 2013‘s and 2014‘s letters.
3- Check back on the blog on Valentine’s Day to see your letter. If you feel like, share it with those you love!
4- Check back on February 15th to see if you won the fun prize!
5- Love yourself. Love everything.
On Monday – I’m starting the Whole30 Food Challenge (wish me all of the luck, I’m going to need it) – to get my health and fitness back on track. But more importantly than resolving to be healthier – I’m changing the way I think in my head about love.
Sure, I could write all sorts of blogs about how I feel, what I think, what men do on dates, what I want – but it all boils down to the thoughts I repeat over and over every single day. I really believe what you think has the power to shape your world, and I choose to live by positivity, passion, confidence and of course, always, love.
From my Pinterest board to yours – here are the quotes I’m going to remember. I hope you’ll find one that speaks to you – and makes you believe in all of the magic that’s waiting for you this year:
Every Christmas, my mom gives me an astrology reading for the New Year.
I’m not sure how much I buy into it, but I really love hearing what she has to say about the different ways the universe affects my everyday life, the choices I make, the opportunities I have and the influences around me. I don’t know if it feels accurate because she’s my mother (and knows me probably better than anyone) or if just hearing that you’ll be successful makes you conclude it’s destined, but more often than not, she is spot on and my year is usually right on track from her predictions.
As she went through all of the things that could very well happen this year – more freelancing, prosperity at work, stronger friendships, more travel – I nodded along and smiled. But when she got to the big black hole in my chart (okay, not really, but what feels like a bottomless pit of frustration) – she started to go over the signs of love orbiting my solar system. I listened intently and perhaps grinned a few times, but I also finished my generous glass of red wine and let out a hefty sigh.