A few years ago, on a complete whim, I booked a solo vacation to Puerto Rico in an effort to let go of my ex, Scott (remember him?). I wanted a mix of relaxation, sunshine, adventure, and hopefully, some light-hearted flirting to take my mind off of my heartache. I had purposefully (and yes, spitefully) booked the trip over my ex’s birthday, knowing that if I wasn’t facing a huge fee on my phone bill, I wouldn’t be able to resist reaching out to him (or giving in to birthday sex with him).
Instead, I stood in the middle of the ocean at 3 a.m. with a guy I just met, watching a meteor shower and wondering if I had died and woken up in some cheesy romantic comedy—or if I was actually losing my mind.
In response to a blog I recently wrote, a man named Mark from Denver wrote to me to share the male perspective. I’m excited to share this inspiring blog with a message that I try to send through this blog, and one that I think all women – single, taken or otherwise – need to be reminded of. It’s even more refreshing to hear it from a single guy. Thanks for contributing, Mark! Check out his blog here, ladies.
“There is always someone prettier”
I heard this come out of my friends mouth as we were walking down the streets of NYC last week. She had flown in from Hong Kong for work and I was in town visiting my potential place of residence. We met up to hang out and spend a few days together.
Truth be told, things have been pretty stellar for me lately.
As you might have noticed, I’ve been freelancing more, I accepted a new job at a startup I really believe in (and I absolutely love the people), my agent is actively trying to sell my book and I’m falling more in love with the East Village and my new home daily.
And while the whole dating thing hasn’t brought me much luck as of late, I’ve mostly remained pretty even keel and positive. I’ve been going on at least one date a week, and though I haven’t been that into anyone – I’ve kept my head high and enjoyed the company of my friends instead of harping on a date-gone-wrong.
So, why on Saturday night, at 1 a.m., I decided to have a complete and total temper-tantrum, I still don’t know.
Sometimes you go on an amazing first date and all of the “signs” seem to point to a second. And then, he disappears into the land of guys-of-great-first-dates-past, never to be seen again. Or what about those times you flirt endlessly with one of your vendors at work—and he gives the signal that he’s interested too—only to mention his wife (WTF?!) the next week.
I often find myself looking for “signs” on dates (or let’s be real: all the time) that they’re interested. He places his hand on the small of my back, he casually mentions seeing me again, we happen to like the same kind of cheese when ordering the platter, whatever. But more often than not, when it comes to reading signals…I kind of suck at it.
Such was the case with Matt.
I really (really) liked David.
I was a 19-year-old, wide-eyed, excited kid that immensely enjoyed the attention from an older (by um, two years?) guy who wanted to wine-and-dine me. (Mostly from his apartment, since I couldn’t, you know, order a glass without being carded in my quiet, sleepy college town.) He was an engineering major with a big passion to design skyscrapers (and I wanted to live in NYC, it was fate!), and though his room was messy and his shirts smelled like mildew, after two dates, I was pretty much smitten.
This was originally published on eHarmony’s blog.
If you’ve been single for a while, you’re probably used to the first date dance by now: he asks where you’re from originally, you ask about his job. He asks if you prefer red or white wine, you ask about his hobbies. It usually feels like the same ole’ conversation just with a different person, unless you stumble across a truly magical (and rare!) amazing date.
Over cocktails and appetizers with a friend of mine recently, she caught me up on her current dating life. She’s been seeing a dude for about six months, they go on dates (and sleep over) a few times a week, he’s introduced her to all of his friends, they’ve discussed going on vacation together early next year and she feels like she’s (maybe, kinda, definitely) falling in love with him
So, he’s your boyfriend then?! I asked, excitedly. That’s great!! You’ve been single for a while now!
Oh, no, we’re not like, official, official, she said, taking a quite large sip of wine. We’re seeing each other. And I think we’re only sleeping with one another.