There Are Men

There are men out there who will respond to your text messages. Men who will initiate conversations because they simply can’t wait to see what you’ll say next. There are men who will never be too busy or too preoccupied to wish you good morning, regardless if you’re a country or a block away. Men who remember to call when they say they will – because they want to – and those who surprise you with their curiosity about your sometimes monotonous days. There are men who aim to be the last person you talk to before you sleep and the first name you see on your screen when you rise. Men who show up on time – or even early – men who are genuinely excited to see you.

There are men who want to go on dates. Real dates. Men who want to take you out to their favorite restaurant and will never expect you to pay, but always appreciate the gesture. There are men who want to talk to you for longer than one drink after work, and longer than what’s enough to get you upstairs. There are men who you won’t have to convince to see you. Men who aren’t purely motivated to be your sexual company, but just love being around you. There are men who won’t wait three days — or even three hours– to ask you out again. Men who have grown past games and cryptic messages that you don’t have time to decode. There are men who simply, truly just want to get to know you.

There are men who want to hold your hand in public. Men who enjoy walking around department stores shopping for things they can’t afford but love the feeling of your tiny fingers interlaced with their adorably-bony knuckles. There are men who love sitting next to you on the downtown train just so they can look at your face, even if they notice the uneven lines and imperfect skin in the terrible lighting, because they can’t imagine another way to spend their Saturday afternoon. Men who wish they could capture the wonder on your face when you see a new part of the city you didn’t know you loved, but now do. Men who want to show you off to the strangers on the street because they find you so incredibly intoxicating. There are men who are happy to be seen by your side, thankful to be someone you chose to roam about town with.

There are men who want to be your boyfriend. Who are totally excited to introduce you as their girlfriend to their friends, to their families, to the women who try to pick them up in bars. Men who aren’t unavailable, who are ready for a relationship, who aren’t ripe with excuses why the timing or the situation, the feeling or the possibility just isn’t right.  Men who don’t blame yesterday on their immature inability to develop something today and imagine tomorrow. There are men who wouldn’t pass on the chance to be yours because they know how amazing – how special – how superbly wonderful you are, and that they’re lucky you want to be with them, and only them. There are men who don’t hesitate on title changes or commitment. Men who want to grow with you and learn with you, love you the best they can, be with you as long as you allow them to. Men who don’t reply “thank you” when you say those precious three words. There are even men who say that incomparable phrase first, not second.

There are men who are proud of your successes, not intimidated by them. Men who are amazed by your determination and passion, who see the things inside of you that you can’t notice yet, or decide to ignore. There are men who believe in your future as much as they believe in the world you can create together. Men who want to witness your bad times and your good, be there when you fail and celebrate when you find that sense of belonging that we all look for, but never know quite what it means until we stumble across it. There are men who know to buy yellow tulips and kiss your forehead when you’ve had a rough day, men who remember you don’t ever take advice in the worst of situations, but you’ll want to hear it in the morning. Men who remind you of all the things to come and promise to be there when you get to the top of that mountain you’re climbing. There are men who really mean that and are there at the peak. And in the valley.

There are men who listen. Men who linger on each and every word you say because they know they will never know too much about you, and are intrigued to always learn more, regardless of how long they’ve known you. There are men who have the ability to put your needs before their own, who remember the first time they noticed something different about you. Men who like the way you look right after a long shower or a night run, when you’re dressed to go out and when you’re in your sweats from college. Men who see your insecurities but find them only a small part of what makes you beautiful. There are men who will remember your birthday, the day you met, the moment they knew they loved you and when you made them want to be a better person. There are men who love your thoughtful heart as much as they’re turned on by your soft body. Men who know how hard you like it, what part of your neck gets you going and that sometimes, you really just need to be spooned until you fall asleep. There are men who will accept you for whatever you are, whoever you are, whenever you decide to be that person in that place. Men who will stand by you – and fight for you – because they know you’re worth it. Because they know you’d do the same for them.

There are men who will spend weeks, months or even a year planning the perfect way to propose. Men who not only realize how special that moment will be to you, but how important of a story it’ll be to the children you don’t have yet. There are men who want to watch the wrinkles form around your eyes and especially around your mouth, because they’ve spent decades listening to that laugh they love come out of the sweetest smile they’ve ever seen. Men who will leave you notes by your morning coffee or send you sweet – or dirty – text messages at work, even after you’ve been married fifteen years. There are men who will adore all of the things that make you a woman, even when those things bear babies instead of nights of sexual release, even when those things drag instead of rise to occasions. Men who will always remember what you looked like that day you walked toward them in a white gown with glitter on your eyes and the purist of hope in your heart. There are men who truly, honestly, completely will love you.

There are so many men out there. But you’ll never meet them if you don’t let go of the guys you really don’t want to find the men you really deserve. The men who are waiting to meet someone just like you.

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105 thoughts on “There Are Men

  1. Perfect. A great reminder for those times we are all tempted to get lost in the bitterness of all the other men….and a very strong and true ending.

  2. Reblogged this on Poemotherapi Shoppe and commented:
    Moreover, I can not express how beautiful this write is…. It gives hope to single women everywhere. It says, “Believe that YOU are worth it!”. Thank you, “Confessions Of A Love Addict” for this sunshine of hope!

  3. As one of those guys, it gives me hope that I might be wanted. Women need to wake up and realize these guys will mind their own business more often than not. We want to be wanted, too. We love to be attentive, but too many women look for any one little reason to think something small is the “tip of the iceberg” of trouble, and drop us. Don’t hold us up to be perfect. We can’t do it either.

    Leaves us jaded, and wondering if you are worth the bother.

    But have standards. Leave the jerks suffering in a smaller and smaller pool of inappropriate women.

  4. I love this as well. And I love all the warm and fuzzies it will give to the loving and hopeful and every guy should read this so they can be the man they should be. Not who your ego wants you to be.

    Amen

  5. Oh thank you for this. You have helped me make a decision I have long been struggling to make. This is one of the most beautiful pieces I have ever read. Thank you again for this for it has touched me in the most profoundest way. You are wonderful. (I hope you wouldn’t mind if I reblog it?)

  6. You deserve more – he back with his ex the girl from saudi arabia. You are a fine woman. Please love yourself and forgive him.

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  8. SEEMS YOU HAVE FOUND THAT MAN AS WE ARE STILL SEARCHING…OR HOLDING BACK???? GOOD READ… SOMETIMES WE THINK WE KNOW WHAT WE WANT…. BUT BECAUSE OF LACK OF FINANCES,STATUS OR HECK A NICE RIDE WE PUSH THOSE THAT TRULY LOVE US AWAY…WHY??? SURELY THERE IS HOPE FOR US ALL TO FIND THAT ONE SPECIAL PERSON WHO WILL PUT UP WITH OUR CRAZY WOMEN WAYS…

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  10. I came across this article at the perfect time. I am still hopeful that there is a woman out there that will love when I do these things and appreciate them, not be annoyed by them or take them for granted.

  11. My husband did most of the things you describe and I thought myself the luckiest woman in the world. Then I discovered that he did them and more with other women…over 20 years of our 25 year relationship. He cracked up and ended up in rehab where they told me that he’s a love, relationship and sex addict. He lied to me and everyone we knew, lived a double life to get all of the attention he needed. People thought we were happy. I did, too. Now I’m getting a divorce. There are some things you can’t come back from.

  12. this is very beautiful. i was crying while reading this. it is very sincere and straight from the heart. :)

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  14. Where are they?That describes a wonderful person,i haven’t come across any yet after 30yrs of life….or maybe i don’t see them.

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  16. hey confessions of a love addict!!! fantastic piece there, it realy touched my heart & sunk into my mind & gave me a glimmer of hope, thanks.

  17. Fuck u whoever wrote this, u put a fantasy on gullible womens minds, u mess up there minds, no mans all that

  18. that is a man out of a movie script, or rather a man in utopia. One can be a bit of what you describe but certainly not all. If you search for all that one will get multiple partners. Don’t go chasing waterfalls.

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  20. I am among the men who want to witness her bad times and her good, and there when she fails and celebrates; when she finds that sense of belonging that she is looking for. Thank you for the great article!

  21. These men exist in romance novels and Disney films ! In real life, girls, just find a partner who will not drive you crazy and do this before you hit your late 30’s. It will be difficult to find a compatible parter after that decade. Age takes a toll on women’s bodies and the biological tick-tock is a fact !! Men in their forties who have not settled down are fuck ups who are either intimidated by your independence or are too immature mentally and emotionally to settle down. This notion that there is some perfect soul-mate out there is a marketing gimmick for online dating sites and match making companies!! Wake up people !

    PS: I am a woman and I am not hating on anyone !!

  22. its kind of interesting but lets be realistic..
    I read the comment about the woman who had a man like this but he ended up doing it for other women too. And ended up in rehab coz it was a disorder he had.
    Too good to be true!

  23. loved this too…(to whoever reads this—>) no offence but i also learnt over the years that most women may not just meet a mature emotionally available man out here.some men are really not bad, they just put up walls to see who will break them.dont judge how anyone treats a rshp ,they may have met ‘bad’ pple before you and just need to see there r good pple out here.all im tryin to say is there’s no perfect person,have an open mind and good intentions and someday someone will put down his walls for u.

  24. She’s not saying that men or women are perfect. but each of us has our own idea of perfect.. what i want is different than what she wants. but when i find him him and his faults will be perfect to me.. thank you i love this peice and i have shared it with many who have given up hope. it gave me hope

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  30. I enjoyed reading this, even though it was difficult. I’ve been on both sides, and most recently was one of the unavailable ones. A lot of the stuff above is simple courtesy, and anyone deserves that. Working on my stuff, and while I will never expect to be perfect, I do expect to treat others as I feel I should be treated. So the starting point is making sure I feel like I should be treated well.

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  37. I really enjoyed reading this – every word! I had to be reminded that these men exist. I’m not super jaded but I was getting there…..this has caused me to to pause & turn around :)

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