So, without further ado, let me reveal that someone has walked into my life. Or rather, I stumbled into his.
Being the short gal with a love for high heels that I am, I was walking down the aisle of a bus from the airport back into the city when the bus driver so rudely took off before I had a chance to sit down. I went plummeting towards the ground, dropped my bag, but managed to catch myself – and when I looked up, I locked eyes with a blue-eyed beauty to my right.
However, he seemed rather uninterested or intrigued by the clumsy gal in six-inch Jessica Simpson heels who almost stumbled to her death. Instead, his friend, to my left asked if I was okay, and I simply nodded and took a seat in front of blue eyes. Then, apparently, is when he become more inclined to chat up a conversation. “Hey, it’s alright that you fell. It is your first time in New York but you’ll get used to the public transportation,”he assured me.
I tilted my head, peered over the seat and humbly admitted, “Well, actually, I live here.” To which he replied, “Oh yeah, well then that’s embarrassing.” From there we discovered we both lived on the West Side, had similar backgrounds, and he revealed he had a weakness for smart, witty women. I don’t blame him.
Once we reached Grand Central, we took the same train to our respective homes and he asked for my card. I gladly gave it to him and to my incredible surprise – he emailed me by 10 a.m. the next day. What he wrote was simple and we started emailing back and forth for a while, until he grew tired of the 70-deep email threads on Gmail, and we started Gchatting. From there, we learned more and more about one another, and eventually, we decided to have a real conversation in person, and I vowed not to stumble. (Though, I have tripped quite a lot in the time that’s passed).
And since that day, there has been an easy, forgiving, sincere, honest, and healthy growth of intimacy and trust just between us. And not just in a “relationship” sense, but we’ve both transformed our own lives and mentalities as we’ve gotten to know each other. In a time of change, progress, and healing – he’s been a constant.
He is a New York native (I keep meeting those), works in the business sector at an office with a breathtaking view (and close to my job), enjoys the simple things as well as the extravagant ones, and he hopes to create a family that’s as successful as his career has been. Like me, he’s a saver, and we both share the same affinity for food that is absolutely awful for us. He’s not a runner, he isn’t dark haired and eyed like most of my past flames, and he doesn’t quite fit into my “checklist” – but he’s shown me a new side of myself, a new way of looking at partnership, and most importantly – I haven’t obsessed about him. I don’t freak out, I don’t analyze minutes between texts, I don’t worry (much) about him disappearing. I don’t stalk his Facebook and I think I’ve only Googled him once or twice. I don’t do any of the things I once did when I started liking a man – and yet, I like this one.
At the point when I met him, I had unfolded a new chapter in my life. I had turned the page on this blog and climbed over many mountains in this journey. My focus could not have been further away from meeting a man and especially someone who has the opportunity to capture my heart, and ironically enough, Mr. Possibility is right there waiting in the bay of defining himself, too.
He’s a little older than me, been around the block of love and the block of work more times than I have, and he’s reached a crossroads where he knows he is capable of so much more and he’s ready to go after it. If only, he knew exactly what it was that he wanted (I think maybe I’ll help him figure that out). And for me, I’m at the start of what I hope will be a promising tenure as a writer, new to the city he’s known his whole life, and challenging myself to be secure, independent, and happy, with or without a man.
So neither of us, are really, ready for a relationship.
And while I’ve met men in the past who were not attainable (remember Mr. Unavailable?), this is the first time that I’ve been completely honest not only with a man about where I’m coming from and what I want, but it is the inaugural time where I’ve also been honest with myself. I told him from the get-go that my first priority is this journey, is this process I’m going through, and that nothing, would stand in my way. His response? Complete encouragement and support of the blog. In return, I guide him through his own grievances, listen when he needs to let it all out, and lift him up when he gets stuck in a rut.
That said, I’m sure the question remains: what am I doing with Mr. Possibility and what is he doing with me?
We’re enjoying the companionship and the comfort of one another. There are no expectations, there is no pressure, no reason to hurry or to rush. No price to pay or description to meet or title to place or exclusivity to insist upon. It is simply just riding the tide, exploring the waves of feelings, and not purposefully going towards the shore. He really is, for all intents and purposes, a peaceful, easy feeling in my life. Being around him, wrapped up in him, or smelling his smell is not hard and not too scary.
Because, I with my blog, and he with his past, have no inclination of how long this union will last. Or where it will go. Or how we will both feel. But for once, I’m okay with not having any idea. Because even if he was to leave or it were to fall apart or he or I were tempted by the fruit of another – I would be hurt, but I know I would survive. I also have this unyielding feeling that regardless of what happens, I’ve made a friend for life.
And the difference between this man and all of the men I’ve been with in the past, is that even if there was not romantic chemistry, or even if we didn’t connect on a level I have never felt with someone before, or if there wasn’t all of things that make for a great relationship – I would still choose him as my friend. He would be someone who I would want to hang out with, who I would want to set up with my friends, who I would trust with my secrets, and want to sit next to eating popcorn and watching a movie. I guess, it never really occurred to me how important it is to not just be smitten with a love interest, but also, just simply, to like them.
Sometimes, the like is more powerful than the love. Even when love is a possibility.