I’ve been trying to figure out all day how to begin this post and each and every single time I sit down to start it – I find myself lost for words. As someone who was born with a pen in her hand, this is out of the ordinary.
But then again, if I really think about my relationship with Mr. Fire – being speechless seems pretty fitting.
We all have that guy in our lives. The one we meet in some peculiar way and instantly, our whole world comes crashing down around us. Each barrier we set up to keep our hearts and bodies safe is utterly destroyed, and suddenly, we’re standing there exposed and vulnerable to any and every charm this man throws our way.
Mr. Fire and I met my sophomore year of college through the student newspaper, where at the time; I was serving as Lifestyles Editor. For whatever reason, I was on a local history feature kick and was intrigued by a bagel shop that had been in my college’s town for decades. After doing the central interview, I needed an extra angle from a current student who worked part-time at the shop. The place suggested a guy whose name I couldn’t spell to save my life, but somehow finagled my way to his Facebook – and three messages later, we had an interview set up.
He snuck up on me (much like the relationship that followed) by coming in the backdoor of our office and when I saw my friend M’s eyes light up, I knew he must be somewhat attractive. I spun around in my chair, tilted my head to the side, smiled, and said, “You must be Mr. Fire.” He nodded, went into a long speech (as he usually does) – and within a few seconds, I was hooked.
He was tall. He was funny. He had character. He was active and fit. He had a large group of friends. He was open. He made me feel comfortable. He listened. He challenged me. And about a week later, I found out he was a great kisser too. Our first official date was to a concert I had press passes for and he served as my “photographer” for the evening. As we attempted to dance to the music and he wrapped his arms around me, a little glimmer of hope inside of me said, “Maybe this will actually turn into something real.”
Our courtship or relationship or whatever you call it (we never defined it) didn’t last very long, but the impact it had on me was significant. The chemistry we had was so bursting with passion, with energy, with this complete connectivity that I couldn’t deny. He finished my sentences and widened my viewpoints. He had so many of the amazing qualities that I always desired in someone. And of course, when he kissed me – the world, literally stopped. It truly enforced that some people are meant to come into your lives, regardless of how long they stay, and change you.
During the time we were together, a lot of huge things starting happening in my life, for the better and for the worse. I went to my interviews in New York and he assured me I’d have killer success, and he also managed to keep me on the phone for two hours each night I was there (a huge feat for a New Yorker-wannabe like me). Before the interview for the position I’d eventually be offered, he sent me a “Go get ‘em Tigar!” text message that I kept long after our relationship ended. He encouraged my goals and told me about the trips he’d take to see me during my summer in my most favorite place on this planet. He may have even mentioned Versace and that made me fall for him a tad bit more.
And then, my dad went through one of the most difficult periods he’s ever gone through, and even though it was Easter break, Mr. Fire spent an hour on the phone checking up on me and ensuring that I was okay, breathing, and safe. Having experienced more loss in his own life than anyone should have to endure – he knew what page I was on.
When I returned from this horrible experience, he literally drowned me in gifts, food, and attention. He chased after my legs when we snuggled on his bed and tucked me into the inevitably inviting nook we all crave, and I was surrounded completely by just him. He picked me up in his kitchen, spun me around, and told me “Don’t you worry. It will all be okay.”
And all was well and promising, until the morning it wasn’t.
I had spent the previous day at one his games (he played on a club team on campus), met his mother, and then went to a party to celebrate their victory. At the get-together, he seemed cool, distant, and unusually unaffectionate. Most of the time, he was always finding an excuse to touch me, wrap his arms around me, or steal a kiss –even in front of his friends or teammates. After one-too-many beers, we ended up back at his apartment, where in all of my 5’7”-glory (heels on, of course) – I demanded why he was acting so funny. When he failed to respond, I returned with half-rage by attempting to leave and walk home if he didn’t want to be around me. To this, he responded by scooping me up, calming me down, and making me fall asleep.
In the morning, I rolled over, looked up at him and apologized for acting ridiculous and questioning. To which, he stroked my head, kissed my forehead, and said the words no girl ever wants to hear from the man she’s falling hard for: “Linds, I think we’re moving too quickly.”
In a matter of days, everything I thought we were building together was all-but destroyed. At first, he needed space. Then he decided he could only talk to me on the phone, text message, and Facebook, but not see me in person (to which I replied: “Are you out of your mind?”). Finally, I decided we shouldn’t talk for a week so he could get his mind straight and figure out what he wanted.
And in the end, he didn’t want me. Because I was going to New York and he was staying overseas for a month over the summer – literally putting us on opposite sides of the globe – he thought it was best we didn’t explore a relationship. He also reassured me he wasn’t interested in anyone else and couldn’t (and wouldn’t) be dating anyone seriously….
…until a day later, pictures of him and another girl showed up on Facebook. And not just any girl, a girl I had been introduced to, hung out with, and he had made fun at some point. At the time, it was absolutely devastating and made me feel like the biggest fool in the entire world – but within time (like a few years), I forgave him. They are still together, nearly three years later, and seem incredibly in love, and for that, I’m happy for him (at least somewhat, anyways).
Before I graduated and moved my way to these big, bright, shining lights I love so much, we ran into each other at a neighborhood bar. We were both in serious relationships at the time, but he said he “at least owed me a beer,” and I agreed, but added, “And an explanation.” Over the course of several hours, we discussed what he felt, what went wrong, and he apologized profusely. At some point, he said, “I always regretted how I treated you, but I didn’t feel like I had something to offer you with your New York dreams. I know you’re going to go far and I don’t know how to be just a part of that.”
I’m not sure if this means he wasn’t “man” enough to step up to the plate or couldn’t handle a gal who was going places, but it does mean that we simply weren’t meant for one another. No matter how much passion, how much fire or intensity, or possibility I saw for us at one point – if someone can’t take you for who you are and love you, pride aside, they aren’t worth it.
He is an incredible man who I know will be successful in whatever he does and in whatever marriage he enters – and I hope when he thinks of our time together, he smiles. He remembers the energy. The love-that-got-away from both of us. And somewhere, down deep where we hold our most precious and sacred memories, I know that our flame of happiness and of hope that we sparked for each other – remains lit.
Ok I am officially hooked on you blog! Just can you fix you RSS… there is a glitch in it and I want to make sure I don’t miss your next post ;-)
Thanks Lindsay!
You know I have to say I truly admire how open you are about your past relationships. It’s always inspiring to see this kind of transparency. Good stuff New York, good stuff.
Hmmm, “Mr. Fire?” It seems that I’ve had my fair share too. I am glad that while you pursue your journey and chronicle your past loves/interests that you also place value on the lessons you have learned.
I also believe that each person in our life is meant to teach us a lesson, lessons that sometimes take quite awhile to learn. … As in my case.
I look forward to reading more and joining you on your journey. Best of luck from one love addict to another.
Sienna Ananda
That’s horrible! I hate it when guys aren’t man enough to tell it to ya straight… obviously he just couldn’t handle such a strong woman :(
I guess he couldn’t bear seeing himself with someone who seems stronger and more independent. Or maybe he was scared that you might overpower him and leave him in the shadows when you’re in the limelight. And no man would want that, I suppose.
But if he really liked you, he wouldn’t hinder you, instead he would support you all the way. and you deserve someone like that. As you said, someone who would take you as you are ;) :D
You write really really well. I’m hooked. haha! :D
I agree with channaboo, I am so glad I found your blog. Jealous that you can articulate these experiences so well into words, because I have gone through the exact same things…these men are everywhere…but couldn’t have put it any better myself. Congratulations, this is excellent.
I completely agree with you!
I am a new subscriber and in just two posts, you have me hooked! I’ve had a Mr. Fire that fizzled out-i totally relate.
This is somewhat the story of my life!!!! My eyes watered as I read this because so much of that post reminds me of my own Mr. Fire. It’s really refreshing to read something that I can relate to. I’m hooked!!!!!!!
At 36 and having dated men in their 40s, I can tell you that men do NOT get any more honest then they are in their 20s. And neither do we, actually. :) (We let people down easy as well if someone else enters the picture. You’ll see…)
Love your blog! xo
Wow, for Mr. Fire apologizing and actually talking about how he treated you. Guys do that?
I think he was in a state of shock and didn’t want to seem like a jerk; also she was moving to NY so there was no way he’d bump in to her on NC fearing she may want to rekindle anything. So he buys her a drink and makes up some b.s. apology (so he wouldn’t come out to be the “bad guy”). I’m glad she’s not with him, her career will flourish, like it should and in the in Tiger wins!
Women always win ;-)
Aw, thank you! I’m not sure of his intentions, but in the end – doesn’t matter! I’m doing what I want to do and loving the city I do it in. To me, it sounds like winning!
Great post linds! We do all have that “Mr. Fire”, I know I did and we weren’t met to be either but whenever that country song “what might have been” comes on I always wonder what might have been with him.
The human experience is so common. I have a story just like this, and it is all recent. Thanks for sharing your tale. Reading things like this reminds me I’m not alone, and that in some ways we all go through the same thing on your way to love.
I think everyone can say they have experienced something similar to this! Thank you for sharing such relateable but personal experiences with us. I’m sure there are plenty of women out there who are empowered by your words. :)
-sara
My my….I think every girl has/had a Mr. Fire in their lives. Although our experience can all vary a bit with Mr. Fire. Because of MY Mr. Fire and the one night he seemed cold and pushed me away, he inadvertently pushed me into the arms of the man who would go on to be my husband. My Mr. Fire stood at the alter with us, too – serving as a groomsman. Although he is no longer Mr. Fire to me, and we remain close friends, he was an important step in the game of relationships we all tend to play. Lindsay – everything you’re writing here is pure, heartfelt and genuine. We need more people like you leading the way in self discovery for us all. Bravo.
Lindsay, thank you for your blog… my Mr Fire left an imprint on my heart that hasn’t faded years later. Just locking eyes with him would be enough to loose my breath and stop my heart. I was truly alive, living on wire of adrenalin and infatuation. But it was all fire and no wood. All passion and no understanding. We misunderstood each other to the point that we let the love get away.. to our mutual regret now. But there does need to be more than fire to make the happiness last.
keep up the blog!
Thank you so much for your words :) We all have that Mr. Fire, but that means he’s not Mr. Right! Keep your heart open! : )
Hi!
I just discovered you blog… and I like it very much!
Falling in love with yourself isn’t easy, but I have the feeling that you’re getting there!
good luck with your blog, I am a fan…
Thank you so much! :) I’m glad you enjoy the posts!
Just found your blog – love it! I think every woman has at least one Mr. Fire in their dating past. I am still friends with mine and even though I am sometimes sad we will never be more than just friends, it really is for the best.
That’s so great you’re able to still be friends! My Mr. Fire and I come and go in our friendship, but I wish him well! I’m glad you can see it’s for the best and accept it. Such a big part of recovery!
SO WELL TIMED! I am smack bang in the middle of trying to work out when Mr. I-Adore-You became Mr. I-Just-Fell-Out-Of-Love-With-You, and there seem to be NO ANSWERS!! Glad to know someone else has felt the same thing. What a monumentally painful experience it is.
Yes it is! In time (sometimes a lot of it!) -it will fade. For now, focus on loving you! :)